Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

The Cannoli is Moving!

2008-01-31T20:40:00.000-05:00

Alright my loyal band of a handful of readers, its time to update your links to my blog and your saved links in your favorites. The Cannoli is moving! Blogspot has been good to me, however I am making the move to wordpress. The features on wordpress are a lot better than blogspot including a built in tracker and much better access to your site through search engines. On top of it, I am debuting another blog in which I can update once every few months. Here is the list of new links.

First off, this blog is now http://doncialini.wordpress.com

My second blog, top rap verses is now http://rapverses.wordpress.com

My new blog is this. http://peoplesbeer.wordpress.com

After taking up for Big American Beer among my snobby craft beer fans, I have decided to represent the people and the peoples choice when it comes to drinking beer...and that is Big American Beer! I am the People's Beer Drinker, and I will represent the people. Stay tuned within the next week or so, I should have a post or two up along with some graphics. Same goes with my other blogs. Still have to tweak the layout and add some graphics in, but its coming.

Again, be sure to make the necessary updates. See you on the other side.

Baseball says Hello, NFL says Goodbye!

2008-01-16T09:15:00.000-05:00

Here we are, 5 weeks again from the opening if Spring Training…and thank god. I've had the Hot Stove Reports to get me through the winter, trying to offset for me anyway all the steroid talk and such, but its running dry. At least now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I though I would take this blog post to welcome back baseballs immanent return and to also give the NFL a big hearty Fuck You.

Why attack the NFL you say right? Well, its no secret that I am a Diehard Baseball Fan at heart. And while I enjoy football, too many times I find myself at odds with ridiculous football fan who likes to talk shit about baseball right before they open their can of Natty Light with their Raider Fan inspired spiked shoulder pads, chug the beer then crush the can on their forehead.

Don't get me wrong. I give the NFL all the props (and stunts) it deserves. Its is a hell of a league. It is well run (I could only wish baseball was run as well as the NFL). The product is good for the most part (unless you're a long suffering fan of a handful of NFL Franchises). And more than anything, seeing as the NFL is America's passion, they have more good will built up than Joey Chestnut can eat hot dogs. And again, credit for that. For whatever reason, I have watched hardly any football this year. I just haven't cared. Not even with the Buffalo Bills getting their first sniff of the playoff's in years. With the playoff's in full swing with the Conference Championship games coming up and the Superbowl, I am looking forward to Football ending as much as I am looking forward to baseball starting.

I know you're sitting there wondering why you are reading my blog, and wondering why I am so bitter. I mean I have to be bitter right, to not be down with the NFL? Well I am bitter and I'll tell you why. Every NFL Fan who doesn't like baseball or doesn't like baseball nearly as much as they like the NFL are crapping all over MLB for the steroid issue. Now don't get me wrong, they have every right…to a point. The NFL is operating on the good side of a double standard right now. While baseball cannot get out of its own way currently, the NFL like MC Lyte seemingly can't make a mistake. When the NFL had its publicized steroid problems way back when, they never came close to the heat baseball is getting. And perhaps its because in baseball, the records are more hallowed and such, and I understand that. However, don't think right now that the NFL, the NBA, even the NHL has a steroid/HGH problem just like baseball. It's just that baseball is taking the brunt of it all. I mean how is Shawne Merrinan, a staple of the Chargers defense and one of the best players in the league going to get suspended for using steroids and it hardly registers a blip on the radar screens of baseball fans. If the Orioles Brian Roberts takes HGH "once", people are looking to hang him from a yard arm (I'm one of them too - all cheaters). Not for nothing, but the outrage should be equal across the board. Since Rappers and Movie Actors are now getting named in reports for using HGH and steroids, you know all the other sports have athletes cheating as well.

It's time to come correct football and football fan. You think baseball is boring - fine. I think the NFL is boring too. I mean with 400 T.V. time outs, ruling challenges, the average play lasting 5 seconds followed by 45 seconds of circle jerking, an exciting play (finally) opps flag down call the play back and god forbid it’s a close game in the last 4 minutes. You'll be like patience on a monument waiting for that mother fucker to end. In a couple of weeks (and no, the Pro Bowl doesn't count) football will be done and baseball will be gearing up. Take the next couple of months off Football fan and prepare for the draft. The only things lamer than getting together for an NFL Draft party is getting together to watch a WNBA game or a Soccer game. You watch your draft, I'll watch my majestic game. Kiss my ass NFL, hypocritical league number 1!

Blog Wars! I Hope

2007-12-17T12:20:00.000-05:00

In the midst of the Holiday Season, its easy to fall into the doldrums that can be caused by the stress of holiday shopping, family, money etc. It's now that its even more important that at any other time throughout the year, to find something you can cling on to and use it to catapult your mood back to a happy level. Well, my cumpare Mark has provided me an opportunity to snap out of it so to speak. See, Mark is one of those uppity beer type snobs. If his pint doesn't cost at least $8.00 at whatever bar he is keeping in business that night, he thinks it sucks. Another friend of mine (not to be confused with "friend of ours" - no Micks allowed because they are pretty much the worst gangsters…but I digress) Bill is one of those uppity beer drinkers as well. Hey, to each their own you know? I like the beer the majority of this great land likes and that’s good enough for me. I don't need fruit in my beer, or nifty little names like "Magic Hat" and so on. Bill is part of a consortium that use their beer snob-ness to create the Beerjanglin' blog. Yet another digital fish wrap that I might occasionally read. I'm sure there is good info posted by the members there, however I'm just not into beer enough to make it part of my daily web routine when looking for updates. Mark's blog offers a few bits of history here and there as well as a lot of local Rochester beer news, so I tend to get into that one more. Never the less, each blog stands strong in it's own right.

Now, Mark and Bill have met once a couple years back when Mark and I made an I-90 roadie to Sorrycuse to catch a AAA ballgame. Sometime after Mark became a regular reader of Beerjanglin' and has frequently stated how good the blog is. However, all good things come to an end. Recently Mark took exception to something Beerjanglin' member Willy Moe posted on the blog. Not being able to take what was said, Mark broke out with an internet backhand that can be read here. Watching one beer dork try and get over on another is like watching a WNBA game. You don't care about it. You probably won't be interested in the game long enough to see the outcome, its horrible, but like a bad train wreck it just gets your attention.

I'm sure you, my loyal reader are sitting there wondering why in the blue hell do I care so much about this and how is it going to help get my out of the Holiday doldrums. Well, here it is. I enjoy it when one person gets into another and then vice versa. Nothing physical or overly mean mind you, but a good old fashioned throw down. See, while I know Mark reads Beerjangling, I'm not sure Bill and or the Boys read Beercraft. So, its my duty to get out my Mariano Rivera World Series style and start dumping gas all over these two blogs. Maybe Bill reads mine and tells his boy Willie Moe. Maybe Willie Moe gets fired up and reads Marks blog so he can craft a fiery response. Maybe Willie Moe comes back swinging and takes a run at Mark. Mark, thinking he is pretty good at the diss game might load up another blast. After that Willie Moe might want to swing back. Before I know it, these guys are throwing down and I'm loving it and BAM!, holiday blues are gone.

Of course, Bill could not care. Willie Moe might not give a rats ass. Mark doesn't keep it up as if this was his sex life and there is no good brouhaha. My holiday depressions deepens and before I know it, I'm drinking $8 pints with Mark. Oh the freakin' horror!

How Can it Be Christmas, It's Only October!

2007-11-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

So I haven't blogged for awhile. I've had a topic here or there I thought about ranting about, but it never came to fruition. On top of that, I have been contemplating a move from Blogspot to Wordpress. That would require my 3 or 4 readers to have to update their favorites, and I'm not sure they could handle that, and I could lose at least half of my readers. Anyway, I digress.

So, as I have been driving here and there for the past few days, a topic that needs my attention became distinctly clear. Christmas. Christmas decorations to be exact. Listen, I'm not Mike Scroogilini or anything, but why am I seeing people with Christmas trees up before December? Why are houses already decked out in more lights than Chevy Chase ever thought about using for his old fashioned family Christmas. Why are those lame metal with white lights reindeer already populating yards all over suburbia? What's worse is that I saw a lot of this up even before Thanksgiving. Imagine how Tom Turkey must feel when the baby Jesus is basting him in his own juices because Baby Jesus just can't wait for his own Holiday to come around. Taking this even further, I saw people rocking their Christmas décor before Halloween. Now seriously. I don't need to see a manger scene with the Virgin Mary and Joseph dressed up as Cleopatra and Mark Anthony. I don't need to see the Three Wise men dressed as the Three Stooges bringing their gifts of pumpkins, apple cider and some old fashioned "knuck-knuck". And I certainly don't need to see the baby Jesus sporting a Spiderman costume. Every Holiday has its time frame. I know that Christmas has lost damn near all its meaning and is now just a mass of over commercialization. That doesn't mean though, that we have to physically display all of our own ignorance. I love my Christmas Tree. I love it from around December 10th until January 2 or 3rd. If you've been looking at your happy vision of Christmas since before Thanksgiving, how can you possibly be excited to see the tree Christmas Morning. By then, you're sick of watering it. Sick of putting the ornaments back on it, because the pets keep fucking around with it. You're sick of all the pine needles everywhere. Hell, I'll be damned if I ever eat Thanksgiving dinner under the mistletoe with my Christmas Tree in sight.

Another special rant is about the PC cocksuckers that have ruined Christmas. You know, we have to say "Holiday Season" because Christmas offends those who don't celebrate. Ba Fangul. And my wife is part of the problem on this, and every Christmas Season I get agita over her bitching. See, her pet peeve around the Holidays are manger scenes. Because she is a heathen ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR non-believer she acts like these things offend her. First off, its hard to offend this woman, and second, these manger scenes bother nobody. If you don't believe, cool, but don't be so intolerant as to get pissed off at someone for a little manger scene in their yard. As I would call her on this, she would bitch about any scene, but then changed her tune to the fact that people can have them in their yards (never mind the fact she still bitches about them), but when they are out in front of say a Town Hall, its bullshit. Out comes the separation of Church and State and everything else she can retain from that 11th grade History Class. Yes, those two things should be separate, but after our Free Mason Founding Fathers set up our government, Church and State started getting cozy right away. Its just a fact. I find it ironic that a hippie tree banging left wing nut job like her would be so intolerant to something….oh wait, this is one of those left wing causes. As I was. Plain and simple, if someone wants to set up a manger scene, a menorah, a Kwanza whatever (Bill Shannon would be able to shed more light on this celebration), 3 Kings Day etc. display, ah salude. Its not going to effect my Holiday Happiness.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Rips Up Verona, NY

2007-08-20T12:48:00.000-04:00

This past Friday your favorite Don and his ole lady hit the I-90 here in Western NY. Destination was Turning Stone Resort and Casino to check out Big Bad Voodoo Daddy live in concert. I hadn't been to Turning Stone since 1994 and apparently our Indian Friends have been busy making a once small casino into a resort complex with an Event Center and a special section for select concerts as well. Most know that I am not a live music/concert fan, but after incredible show earlier this summer from the Cherry Poppin' Daddies I decided the 107 mile trip to Verona NY wasn't that bad.

Upon arriving we quickly found out where we had to be and was surprised by the venue. If you have seen the movie (great flick that is) "Swingers", towards the end of the movie when the Fellas go see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy at The Derby in Hollywood, the venue was like that but bigger and more cramped. The trade-off was the fact despite getting a kink in your neck from being turned sideways, every seat offered a fantastic few of the band. Our table seated 8 so it was Bren and I, another couple from Corning NY and Swing Dancers. The rest were blue hairs. The couple that were swing dancers were cool and I enjoyed talking with them. I got to use my knowledge of retro swing music and pass along some bands for them to check out. They were definitely cool to sit across from.

The show itself was incredible. Of everything, I only had one complaint! BBVD didn't play as long as I thought they would. I would say the Fellas were on stage for 80 to 90 minutes then called it a show. Brenna did mention the fact they are a high energy band which makes sense, but I was thinking they would play around 2 hours. Did that make the show suck? Hell no. Did it turn me off? Nope. So lets get on with it!

The show kicked off with the boys hitting the staged dressed in slick sharp suits and some were rockin' the classic Godfather/Fedora type hats. As they hit the stage they started to get after it with what seemed like a warm up jam session. During this time lead singer and band leader Scotty Morris (more on him in a bit), introduced a few of the band members while they were all getting warmed up. I forget what song they opened with, only because the second song played is arguably my second favorite song of all time "You and me and the Bottle Makes Three Tonight". Incredible to hear live!

As the show went on, Morris made sure all the Fellas in the band got some solo spot light time and the accolades they deserved. I think doing things like that is really cool. From the Baritone Sax guy to the trumpet guy to the trombone buy to the bass guy to the piano guy to the drum guy etc. they all got their individual time in the light to shine. And shine they did! Matter of fact, it didn't take me long to realize that every member of the band was fucking cool. There wasn't a fucking square cat on that stage anywhere. And while I am not into the gushing of celebrities and such if I could be anyone else I wouldn't be Bill Gates or Donald Trump or David Wright (well maybe David Wright) or Michael Vick, I'd be Scotty Morris front man of BBVD. Everything about this guy is fucking cool. From his movements, singing, actions, how he handles himself and the band etc., he fucking rules. And if anyone wants to say I might have a disturbing man-crush on Scotty Morris...I might be hard pressed to argue it. But hey, at least I'm man enough to admit it! Or dumb enough, time will tell I suppose.

Like with CPD earlier this summer, BBVD played their music and left the artistic creativeness elsewhere. They played their music the way we have all heard it before and loved it. They didn't dick with the music or tweak the lyrics. It was Big Bad Voodoo Daddy at their finest. Another thing that was great about the concert was that the Fellas in the band all looked like they were having a great time. I've been to concerts where the band just looks like they are going through the motions until they can get off stage. BBVD looked like they wanted to be there and were having a great time at playing. It makes it more enjoyable seeing that as a fan and a patron they are down with throwing on a good show as well.

Every song they played I knew of course, except one which was a new song. Brenna while not a big fan like me knew all the songs as well just from my heavy BBVD rotation in the CD player. I give her credit though for allowing me to indulge in my Retro Swing obsession. Its only a matter of time though before she uses it to guilt me into a night of lame French music at Starry Nights Cafe here in Rochester. You'll all know when that happens when you read the blog titled "Your Don gets his balls clipped on a Starry Night".

The ended much too soon for me, as I could have sat there all night listening. After several rounds of hearty applause, people started to file out. The merchandise table
was packed, so I decided if I wanted anything, its easier to go online and get it. After about 10 minutes the band all came out to greet the fans and sign autographs on CD's, shirts, tickets, posters etc. I thought it was a cool thing to do. Once I got a glimpse of all the Fellas, Bren and I headed out. Still had a 107 mile trip back to the friendly confines of my suburban based crime family local.

It was a great show and I was glad we made the roadie. I know that like CPD, the next time BBVD are anywhere near my location, I'll be in the audience.

Soccer Sucks Part 33

2007-08-16T14:04:00.000-04:00

You know, its been far too long since the Don talked about Soccer. Granted, I hate Soccer with a passion, but that doesn't mean I don't like sharing and talking about my disdain for the horrible game.

I believe I'm pushing around a year or so since my last Soccer Post. It was about the Rochester Rhinos losing their championship game or something. As usual, my pal and Soccer friend Mark went to the Rhinos Fan Forum and posted a link to my blog which lead to me to getting ripped apart by the members of said forum. Of course your favorite Don, being the head of a powerful Crime Family isn't about to let some jagoff's just besmirch his good name, so you know I had to make another appearance there to defend myself. This was the second time I had to do such. This time however, as the thread about my blog degenerated, the Don was banned indefinitely by some asscan named Spinning Webs. Apparently this scumbag is a member of the Stampede and a big time ass rammer errrrr Soccer Fan. I give this douche credit for sticking up for his game, I respect that. I was doing the same in regards to my opinion as well as baseball when SW started to attack that as well. I know Mark likes to empty his can of gasoline all over the place and drop a match leaving me to have to deal with the fallout, but these Soccer Fans just take things too far. I mean Spinning Webs is a 40 something year old dude who suspended me from the site for the reason "Because I Can". Really? I can do a lot of things too. I could fuck his mom if I wanted...but I don't do it you know? Before that, he slapped my peepee because I was "insulting another user". Riiiiiight. I had a thread where about 18 Soccer Honks all talking shit about me, when when I responded...I was insulting? Look, I'm actually a moderator of a forum. I can understand certain actions and I can pretty much guess what causes other actions. When it comes to Spinning Webs, it doesn't take Freud to figure this guy out. Dude likes Soccer. Dude likes to make fun of others and their favorite sports, however when he gets made fun of and Soccer gets made fun of he can't take it. His name is Spinning Webs. He takes an internet forum way to seriously. He uses his moderator power to "strike back" at other users. Its quite simple to see that dude used to get his ass beat on a daily basis throughout his school years. Unfortunately for him, he was one of the very few who despite fighting everyday never developed fighting skills to make people leave him alone. On top of it all, he is a finok. If he wasn't such an asshole I'd feel sorry for him. But all that lead up to his high standing as a stampede member and first rate jack-off Rhinos Forum Moderator. Next time I stop by to "visit" your moms Web, I'll be sure to stop down in the basement and say hello.

As far as my current take on Soccer, now that the frenzy over Posh Spice moving to the U.S. has died down, I figured it was a good time to talk about her husband, Soccer Spice Dave Beckham The Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS signed dude to a 250 million dollar contract to leave Europe and come play Soccer here in the States...where we don't give a rats ass about it. Look, Soccer is not going to work in America. We have too many other sports that we all like better! Sure, more kids might play Soccer than any other sport combined, but that's because not everyone can play real sports growing up. This is why the minute a kid gets out of High School, their level of care about Soccer ceases to exist. I mean Pele playing on the NY Cosmos couldn't make Americans care about Soccer in the late '70's, so Beckham Spice on the L.A. Galaxy isn't going to make is care now. Sure all games involving Dave will either be sold out or have a large attendance, but why? its not because people want to see Soccer. The Females will want to watch Dave run up and down the field and hopefully see him take his shirt off. The Dudes are their to catch a glimpse of his anorexic Spice Girl and that's that. Ole Becky isn't going to increase the attendance at any game he doesn't play in. Here in Rochester he sure the hell isn't going to help increase the anemic attendance figures at Paetek Park...Rochester's very own Soccer Specific Stadium that saw attendance figures drop around 50-75% depending on the night in just a couple of years. Maybe Spinning Webs can round up all his friends and decrease Rhino's attendance even more. And here is a telling figure when it comes to Soccer and its place in America. When Beckham made his first appearance on the field for a practice, less than 5,000 fans shower up. At the same time, for Alabama's (college football) Spring Practice 105,000 fans showed up. Look, Beckham is on the downside of his career. Sure he got A-Rod money to come here and play, but he wasn't even starting anymore on the English National Team. Real Madrid didn't try to keep him when his contract was up. I wonder why? If the MLS wanted to take a legit shot and getting their league really up and running and bringing Soccer to the American Population, maybe they should try and score one of the best young players in Europe and go that way. Instead they go for the celebrity train wreck couple that will sell millions of tabloid rags in the Grocery Store.

Taking this Soccer shit even further, while literally dozens of Soccer fans in America were celebrating the arrival of Soccer Spice, almost no attention was given to the fact that the best home grown American Soccer player Fred Adu left his MLS team to go play Soccer in Europe. Somewhere in Spain I believe. Isn't that just perfect. Soccer Fan is constantly bitching and moaning about their game and trying to talk it up among us real sports fans but they aren't talking about this. Adu has been playing MLS Soccer for Washington D.C. since he was like 9 years old or something. Dude is like 18 or so now. He is correction was American Soccer. So while the MLS is spending 250 million to import a once great player on the downside of his career, they let an 18 year old "phenom" escape to basically take over for Beckham in Europe. So tell me Soccer Fan, what does that tell you? Soccer in America Sucks. The brightest stars of today are leaving to go play in Europe, where they have nothing else to get excited for except Soccer. maybe Soccer Player has met one to many "Spinning Webs" and decided the riotous Soccer world in Europe would be better after all. Either way, I fucking love it. Soccer will continue to struggle as nobody in this country cares. Soccer can continue to toil with Redneck Games and Ping Pong on the list of games Americans take seriously. Remember, this weekend be sure not to support your local Soccer team and for gods sake...keep your kids out of Soccer. It's like giving your kid a Red Sox hat....its damn near cruelty!

Working With Engineers

2007-08-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

I'm always looking for a good topic to blog on. I run into the proverbial "writers block" as much as anyone - or I just get lazy. So when Mark came to me with this topic, I knew it was straight up money. While I work with a lot of engineers, I myself am not one, so I have the unenviable task of working alongside engineers. Most of us know that engineers are qwerky yet usually intelligent. So, here I'm going to chronicle a few of my experiences working with engineers, as well as placing them into their own unique groups.

Group 1 - Cool Engineers. For the most part, a lot of the engineers at some level can be "cool", but this group (and its the smallest one) is for the engineers who are truly cool. Guys you would go throw back a few beers with. These guys are the Young Turks of the engineering world. Usually young (between 24-34) and right out of college or the military and haven't been corrupted yet by 20 years of engineering service. They laugh at other engineers as much as you do and if you joke on them they can take it and give it back. They are still free thinkers and work to get their job done. They haven't been "re-educated" by 23 years of company policy's that leaves the best engineers standing in front of the grunts (such as myself) with drool falling out of the corner of their mouth and expecting you to make shit happen based on the sketch they drew on 3 sheets of single ply toilet paper while they were taking their mid-morning dump.No, the cool guys will be down here getting dirty like the rest of us and when they get in the way and we tell them to get fucking lost, they get fucking lost. Fellas, your overpaid asses can buy me a beer anytime.

Group 2 - Young Dick Engineers. These are the younger engineers who you would not have a beer with. These are the guys in the same age group as the cool engineers, however they are not cool. Matter of fact usually they are fucking assholes. They are determined to make it to the top of the company no matter who they have to step on or who they have to fuck over to get their. Its safe to say that these are shitty engineers for the most part, yet are the ones who will make it to the top 1.) because they step on people on their way up and 2.) they keep getting promoted because they suck. Sad but true, but when one boss finds out how useless YDE is, it's easier to promote him and send him elsewhere then get rid of him. Fucking politically correct bullshit. A great example of YDE in action is this. YDE brings a design of his to you. As the Mechanic who will build his design, he asks for input (although he thinks its perfect). You will take a look at YDE's design and quickly notice its full of more shit than last nights bowel movement. You give your input, YDE blows you off yet takes your input and cleans up his design. You build it then, it comes out better than was expected and YDE takes all the credit for it. Cocksucker. Another example is as a floor worker, you will be in charge of a program out on the floor. The assigned YDE will never be anywhere to be found. The program's due date will be pulled in and you end up working overtime and busting your ass to get this program done and shipped on time. This included dealing with a bevy of problems ranging from supply issues to mechanical issues. Never the less, you get the job out and under the new deadline and YDE takes all the credit for your hard work. Luckily for me, YDE's around my job are in short supply.

Group 3 - Old Miserable/Crusty Engineer. These are the guys that have been around forever. 25, 30, 35 years or more. They never achieved the success needed to get into management or program management, but they are at the top of the game among other engineers. The thing is, most of these guys are flat out miserable. Miserable that they are back as a test engineer or doing some other aspect that newbies would handle. However after 30 years, trying to find a place for these guys is tough. To OMCE, don't blame me that you are miserable and surely don't take it out on me. Its not my fault you don't have the drive to break out, or are content just hanging around in your secure world or whatever. When I saw "good morning" or "hello" I want something better in return than your mumbling and grumbling. These are also the guys who have no patience or tolerance. If something isn't working as it should, start building your bomb shelter like the Commies just dropped off some warheads on Cuba because these guys will blow a gasket! Look bitch, work through the problem like you would have 20 years ago and deal with it. Don't start yelling and expect me to come running with the fire hose to put out your fire. be happy you're still here working. If we were in Alaska you would have been put on a block of ice and pushed out to sea.

Group 4 - Managerial Engineers - What a classic group these guys are. These are veteran engineers who were able to land a promotion and end up a "boss". See, where I work, the Engineering group is broken down to several different groups inside, based on what you are doing. Each group gets one of these ME's. Once an ME has been in place for a few years, gone is all common sense, ability to reason and think, and to be able to help the people who work under you. After a few years in these slots, gone is the understanding about what it takes to get the job done, what life is like on the floor. After a few years of paper pushing, worrying about deadlines and the cleanliness of work areas, and a couple million games of FreeCell and Solitaire, an ME ceases all usefulness. Most of the time, ME just hinders his groups performance, causes riff's among co-workers, and has completely lost touch with the work that he supervises. While achieving ME status might be good for your paycheck, its is a death sentence to your common sense abilities.

Group 5 - Know it all Engineers - I'm going to keep this description short, as their issues will be described in the idiosyncrasies of Engineers, but as you can imagine, this group thinks they walk on water and act like it too.

Now that we have a few of the groups out of the way, lets talk about some things that stand out about Engineers.

1.) The Superior Attitude. You would think these guys belong to some secret club that makes them better than everyone else. We all know the fact that they are just crackpots, And they know that too yet they act like they shit out rose smelling gold bars. Listen, you'll be still paying off those 5 years at R.I.T. by the time I retire so spare me. To the older engineers...Technology has passed you by. All your knowledge and expertise is as useless as ME right about now, so spare me the look down your nose at me treatment.

2.) Missing - Common Sense. There is no question that engineers are some smart mother fuckers. Some even brilliant. Apparently though, this intelligence comes at a great expense. Once they have reached a certain level of intelligence, all common sense falls right out the window like Eric Clapton's son. The simplest of tasks like filling out a move ticket or operating a pallet jack become some of the most difficult tasks these asscan's have to do. Keeping their shoes tied, a shirt tucked in proper shave etc. are all problems these smart guys face. Seriously, if I get so smart that simple tasks become a problem for me, here's hoping I go the other way and end up a dumb shit.

3.) Strange/Weird. Yes, there is just something about this group that just isn't right. It's nothing that can be pinpointed, but we all know its there. Whether its Software Engineer's geek/dorkdome, Mechanical Engineer's "why get it right the first time when I can redraw it on the computer 7 times and keep having you build it wrong" attitude, Managerial Engineer's Duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, or Test Engineer's decision to make a simple 3 minute test last 17 days and seem like the fate of the known world rests on it. Something just isn't stirring the Kool-Aide with these bitches. Nothing is more ridiculous than listening to smart engineer one tell me over and over about this device he built that shot out a signal that would trigger peoples radar detectors and he would always bring it on his road trips to "mess with people". Wow, you got them slugger. Nothing like possibly causing a motorist to possibly slow down or say "fuck" as they think they have just been nailed by radar. The way he says this story, its like he just masterminded the great train robbery and made off with the biggest score ever. Seriously dude, you're a fucking douche. Now go play your Wizards and Wagons game of whatever it is you do instead of having actual sex with an actual woman and leave me alone.

4.) Bathroom Habits. I will close with this one, seeing as its pretty gruesome. We might all need a breath of fresh air after this one. The bathrooms where I work are fucking disgusting at best. Considering the bank this company is pulling in, you think they would get a cleaning crew that would actually put a little elbow grease into cleaning shit at night. Maybe a crew that would remove the growing "fur" on the edges of the sinks. Scrub the floor and get whatever is on it off. Scrub down the walls etc. With all this, its not like the bathroom isn't nasty enough. It makes the Port-O-Pottys that the Army used to stick out in the field for training exercises seem like a shithouse palace! So, with all that working against it, when you add some nasty mother fuckers to the mix, it just makes it that much worse! Lets start with the urinals. Never mind the fact they are old and the little mat in the catch basin is about 20 shades lighter than it originally was. You walk in there at almost any time of the day and there will be piss all over the floor. The little dividing wall between urinals has been coated with piss day after day and never cleaned. Seriously, what the fuck. I have no problem pissing in the proper spot. Sure I might get a few drops on the floor right in front while I am packing the hog leg away, but I don't piss all over the floor and leave a standing amount that the floor drain can't even handle. The stalls. There aren't too many more disgusting places on earth one could be. Upon entering and locking the door behind you, you usually are greeted with puddles of piss in front of the bowl. I get that you might drip some upon standing up, but drop some TP down there and soak it up. Next you would inspect the seat. Sometimes you might encounter piss on the seat as well as shit. Yes shit. Now look. These are grown ass men. These are smart engineering grown ass men. Do you mean to tell me that these guys are not smart enough to get their shit in the good sized opening provided? Taking that further, how do you actually get shit onto the back part of the seat? Do you only have half your hold dangling over the edge? Do you reposition yourself so you lather up the seat with your shitty ass? And even if you do get shit on the toilet seat...when you flush, how do you know notice? At least grab a handful of TP and wipe it up. And the topper, when you go a stall and a courtesy flush is needed. After a flush or 3, you still notice shit stuck to the porcelain...under the water line at that! Now I don't have the best diet, but I have never had shit that fused with the porcelain and could withstand about 14 straight industrial strength flushes. What the fuck can these engineers be eating? Better yet, I don't wanna know.

Now, if you can get through all that because you just have got to take that shit (and when I do, I spend the first 5 minutes of my stall time building a TP nest on top of that shit stained seat), once you sit down its time to relax and drop your load. Normally when doing this one will look around the stall. If you do that in the stalls where I work, you are in for a real treat. Boogers. That's right, Boogers. Apparently not challenged enough engineer is so board at work that he while he drops a deuce, he picks his nose and flicks the little goodies all over the stall walls. Absolutely fucking perfect. These are grown ass men, not 3rd graders. Most of these men are married with kids but it would seem that they need the fucking diaper. I don't even want to know what their wives must have to go through at home! And let me end with this. One of the facilities guys here usually will get stuck cleaning the shit house every afternoon. Nothing too serious, but he rolls with a bucket with a sponge or something and water with cleaner in it, some paper towels and a toilet scrub brush on occasion. I almost feel bad for the guy, but dude talks to himself all the time, so obviously all his dogs aint barking, so better him than me. Although if I had to clean anything in there, I'd be sporting a biohazard suit. So, I walk in there one afternoon to take a piss. Dude is in there cleaning and was just starting the stalls. As I stand there pissing, dude erupts with a flurry of self-talking. It sounded like this. "Goddamn mother fuckers. Nasty mother fuckers. Fucking disgusting. Its all over. Its in the hinges. I can't get that out. *gags* Nasty mother fuckers. All in the hinges. *gags* Nasty Goddamn fuckers. *gags*. While that might not sound funny reading it, hearing it and knowing how nasty these fucking engineers are, I stood there long after I finished pissed just to listen to him go off.

Engineers are a different breed. For all the intelligence they have, for all the creative shit they come up with, its too bad that they are nasty, weird, and plain messed up most of the time. Make sure you don't get played out by an engineer. In reality you're smarter than they are!

Welcome to the Hall Gentlemen

2007-07-30T09:20:00.000-04:00

For some, yesterday was one of the biggest days of the sporting year, if not the biggest. It was the day that 2 of the classiest guys in baseball, much less sports were inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown NY. A record crowd of over 75,000 descended upon this quaint little town in Central New York to see one of the few things that baseball has done right lately. Forgotten for an afternoon were Michael Vick, Tim Donaghy, Barry Bonds and everything else that is wrong with the sporting world. And while this might be more directed towards Baseball fans, it should be impressive to for any sports fan to see the 53 hall of famers on stage behind the newest inductee's. It should be impressive that 2 men who spent their long and entire careers with one team and are easily not only the best guys of their generation but of all time reach the pinnacle of any sporting career. I know I was impressed. For the first time it hit me. These are the guys I grew up watching. These are the guys I pretended to be when my friends and I grabbed our gloves and went off to play baseball. These were the guys who helped shape and define my love for the game of baseball.

Being on the East Coast, I never got to see Tony Gwynn play as much as I would have liked. Luckily Baseball Tonight and Sportscenter helped bring his game to the masses, but there is no doubt in my mind that had he played for the Mets, Yankees, Tigers, Cardinals, Braves, Red Sox etc. his legend would be even greater. We're not going to find a man more dedicated to his craft. A player who was never complacent and was always learning, always trying to improve right up until the day he retired. He is a man who is as big a hit in the community as he was on the field. And he was a guy who never made headlines for the wrong reasons. A great player and a great man I hate to cut things short on Big T, but I need to get to Cal as he has always been one of my favorite players.

Every baseball fan around owes Cal Ripken . No, we don't owe him money, a first born kid, we owe him our respect and our admiration. I grew up watching Cal Ripken Jr. I was fortunate enough to actually see him play when I was a little kid and he spent one year as a Rochester Redwings . Of course then I had no idea what I was watching, but now that I know its something I can always look back on and be thankful I did see it. Because the Wings were Baltimore's top farm Team at the time, I grew up watching the Orioles, even though I was a Mets fan. I grew up watching Cal play. I remember hoping that the Game of the Week would feature the Orioles every week. I remember vaguely the World Series winning team, the pain of the late 80's team, and the resurgence of the 90's teams. As a baseball fan, I also remember the devastating strike in 1994 and I remember everything that Cal Ripken did to get baseball back in the good graces of the fans. His chase and eventual record breaking streak in 1995 of Lou Gehrig's consecutive games streak is legendary in its own right and it's timing helped to pull baseball from the strike burned memories of the fans. And whether it was Cal taking a lap around the entire stadium shaking hands with fans or the fact he would never turn down an autograph request, he did more than anyone to bring it back. I don't think I could name one player right now that would come out and sign autographs for 2 or 3 hours after playing a 3 hour baseball game at one of the most demanding positions. He did not want to disappoint the fans...and Cal never did. Cal was about the game. He understood the game existed because of the fans and his HOF induction speech was the same way. Cal didn't talk much about himself. Instead he made his induction speech, on his day into the HOF, about the game, about everyone else. From his dad, to his brother, to his wife and kids and mom, to his teammates, to the fans especially Oriole Fans he made it about them. He talked about how great baseball is and he talked about teaching it to today's youth. He talked about how every mistake he might have made he learned from and never repeated. He talked about being a role model whether players like it or not. He talked about baseball being his job so playing everyday was just what he did whether he was hurting or not. His sort of tribute to the fans of the game who work hard all their lives. With his speech he gave fans like me one more glimpse at being a kid watching baseball, and he also gave all fans hope that players do exist that care more about the game and fans than about the paycheck. When my kids are growing up playing baseball and beating up those that play Soccer, they will know all about Cal Ripken. Who he was, what he stood for, everything he was and is. The biggest injustice we could do it to forget about Cal and to not keep his memory flowing always.

I cannot thank Cal, Tony, the HOF and baseball in general for giving me as a baseball fan one pure day. Like I said, yesterday wasn't steroids and tainted records. Allegations and conspiracy's. It was about the games greatest players being honored, inducted, and remembered. I'll be down to see Cal's plaque in Cooperstown real soon.

Departure From The Ordinary - Sorta

2007-07-23T08:17:00.000-04:00

I'm a regimented person. I love routine, and when my routine gets altered...I hate it. Maybe its a product of my military experience, maybe I have always been like that and the military only solidified it. Either way, I am what I am. This applies to pretty much everything across the board in my life, including things like the beer I drink to the places I eat at. This past weekend, I took 2 departures from my routine. One was successful, the other was a horrible abomination.

This past Friday, I was at Costello's. I little Dago joint here in Fairport that has some killer food. Despite the fact they are pretty small, they even manage to have a decent beer selection on tap. Now good to me is good because among those available is my friend Coors Light. A staple in my beer drinking diet. However this Friday night I was feeling a little froggy...so I jumped. A new selection was offered...a Brooklyn Brew. Ordinarily I would have bypassed that right up while selecting my frost brewed goodness, however for whatever reason, I opted for the Brooklyn. Probably because when my pal Mark isn't giving brain to Joe Mcbane, he can be found pimping beers of this nature. Upon first drink of my Brook Lager (I think it is a lager, what the fuck do I know about beer...I like Coors Light after all!), I I thought why did I order this dark, bitter tasting beer. By the time my pint was a half-pint, it was going down almost as well as a 2 dollar hooker (and there's nothing wrong with that). By the time I had finished my beer, it was a surprisingly tasty departure from my norm. I didn't order another one, and it might be some time before I order another one down the road, but it was nice to try something different and have it work out it my favor.

Continuing with my weekend of expanding horizons, I rolled Friday Nights success into another departure from the norm on Saturday. Saturday Evening I headed down to a local Target (tar-gjaaayyy) so I could pick up a new Nerf Football to play catch with, with my dog (and yes, she catches better than Peerless Price). This Target happens to be right near the greatest fast food restaurant of all time, Taco Bell! Bren had decided to take the ride with me, and was hungry since we hadn't eaten dinner yet, however her idea of dinner was not pulling into the TB Drive through (and I thought she loved me too). Of course we had to have a mini-argument of where or what to eat. You'd never guess it, but I'm a picky bitch when it comes to eating. On top of it, when it comes to places to eat, I'm all about the bug chains that litter the suburban countryside. You know, Applebee's , Chili's , Friday's , Ruby Tuesday , etc. Tonight though, I didn't want any of that, and the Cracker Barrel was too far away. So while we couldn't decide where to do I just started driving. Despite not being a fan of the small diner's or Family Restaurants, I pointed my car East and started heading into 315 land. You know, the land of inbreeding, shanties, cars on blocks, its like having a country from Alabama transplanted right here in Western NY (and yes Syracuse...you're 315ers). After about 10 minutes or so, I pulled the car into the Log Cabin Family Restaurant. Bren and I had been talking about eating there for over 2 years but just never made it. All I have ever talked too have always said how good the food was etc. Well, seeing as 315ers and Bikers are the main frequenters of this establishment...I should have known better. Upon entering, a chickie babe with a jacked up grill seats us and gets us some drinks. Water for my misplaced Brighton Resident of a wife and an Ice-Tea for me. We were seated on one side of the dining area separated by a wall that one could somewhat see over when seated. While this kept us away from the necks in the building, it also seamed to keep up hidden from our waitress. After about 10 minutes Granny Smith rolled up to take our order. Bren got the Italian sausage and peppers with pasta and I had a burger (cooked well done) with fries. Bren also landed a garden salad while I clocked a Cesar salad. I was thirsty so my ice-tea was going down nicely. Brenna mentioned that I might want to ration the tea seeing as I might not be getting timely refills. Bren's salad came, but the chef was still putting mine together. Really? It takes a chef to dump romaine lettuce into a bowl then dump parmesan cheese and croutons on it? In 315 land it does. So, my salad comes with dinner. Whatever, by this time I could care less as I am pretty hungry. Before we start to eat, Granny asks if we need anything else. Well right under her nose is my empty glass of ice-tea. Apparently I'm not getting a refill without begging. That's alright, she aint getting a big tip either, and I am a very good tipper. My tea comes and Bren and I dig in and my first bite of burger reminds me why I usually eat chicken and turkey. Little chunks of gristle litter my first bite as well as the fact the my burger is far from well done. I look at the bite mark I made in my burger and the mother fucker is so red it looks like its menstruating. After composing myself, I have to decide what to do. Look, we all know that food that gets sent back has unspeakable things done to it (look, I've seen "Road Trip"). Well, I decide to flag down Granny and send it back. She agrees that its not well done so off the burger goes. After a few minutes, it comes back. Beautiful, it was dropped in the microwave for about 2 minutes with the Kraft Singles piece of cheese on top and bacon and the Catsup I put on it. I inspect the burger while Granny said the chef was apologetic and also said that its hard to tell how cooked the meat is in the center. Really? So the chef doesn't know how to cook a burger, or how to tell if one is cooked all the way through? Now I'm not Bobby Flay or anything, but I can throw a burger on my grill at home and I know when that sumbitch is well done all the way through. Granny leaves and I take a bit...it still sucks. Matter of fact, I think this bite exposed a tape worm! So, I ate around the outside of the burger. I wasn't going to send it back again either. To Granny's credit, she came back to find the burger still sucked and asked what I wanted to do. Send it back again, order something different. At that point I was really turned off to the place, so I just said it was fine. In an effort to make it up to me, so offered up a free piece of pie. I hemmed and hawed and said sure. Brenna and I can split it, plus I had been craving cheesecake for a while. Well, no cheesecake, but she had a piece of chocolate something or other with chocolate frosting, chocolate chips, chocolate all kinds of shit. Well, I'm not into chocolate that much, so of the other few selections, a piece of Banana Cream Pie was the best option. Granny drops the pie off with the check and leaves us to eat. The first thing Brenna notices is the UPS colored brown slices of banana on top of the pie. Sweet! I love pie that is like 5 days old!!! Needless to say, the pie sucked, my meal sucked, and Brenna's pasta with a piece of sausage and pepper (singular and small) sucked too. The service was horrible, even with Granny trying to make things better. All I know its next time, I'm going to Chili's - in the 585!

Origins of the Irish Flag, CNN, and the Buffalo Bills

2007-07-11T13:19:00.000-04:00

Not that long ago, a buddy of mine asked me about the colors of the Italian Flag and if they are similar to the Irish Flag. My buddy's wife is very proud of her Irish heritage (why I don't know), and while they were out one time they drove by Delmonico's restaurant here in Rochester and the flag out in front was red, white, and "orange" instead of red (which is the color of the motherland's flag). I've spent a lot of time making fun of Kathy's Irish heritage over the years, so the fact the Iti flag in front of an Iti restaurant was looking like an Irish flag because a great source of amusement for her and a topic for my buddy to make fun of me over. It was at that point I shared the history of the Irish flag with them and I will do the same with you good people. You see, the Irish people are not the most creative people around. I mean no disrespect (well maybe a little), but when the Irish cuisine revolves around boiling everything...creativity just isn't in abundance. Because of this, Ireland was without an actual flag for quite sometime. It wasn't until Shamus Patrick McO'Malley (a direct descendent of St. Patrick) was traveling Europe and found himself in Italy that he was struck with the idea for an Irish flag. See, he happened upon a proud, hard working Italian who was replacing his Italian flag outside his humble home. Shamus asked the man what he was doing. The Italian showed shamus that his red, white, and green flag that had been hanging for a few years now was faded from its time in the hot sun. The red had been faded as such that it looked like it was a red, green, and orange flag. Shamus asked what the Italian was going to do with the spent flag. The Italian mentioned that was going to properly dispose of the flag after he hung up his new one. Shamus seeing an opportunity here, asked the Italian if he would be willing to give him the flag as he liked the faded color look and would like to bring it back to his own country to display. (Its too bad that Shamus didn't also ask for the Italian's book of recipes here too). The Italian thought about it, and in a good faith gesture offered Shamus the flag as long as he took care of it. Shamus promised and was on his way. When Shamus returned to Ireland he present "his" flag to the King and to the people. He said he had a "flash" of brilliance and that these 3 colors represented Ireland to its fullest. The King and the people were dazzled by Shamus' bullshit and the flag was incorporated and became the national flag and still stands today. So, whenever you see a faded Italian flag, just know there is some Mick around the corner just waiting for it to be replaced so he can have his "own" Irish Flag. So, every time you see an Irish flag hanging, just know that it was a recycled Italian Flag. Oh, and contrary to the rumors, Italians throw out their trash in clear plastic bags so the Puerto Ricans can window shop, not the Irish.

Now that I have the humor out of the way, lets get down to my bitter rants. First off, CNN . I get a lot of my news from CNN.com. I check other news sites, but spend most of my news related time on CNN. For the most part, CNN is a decent place for news. Its not perfect, but its not Fox news and its not NPR news either. However, going beyond their regular section for entertainment news, CNN has been putting direct links on the main page for people like Paris Hilton and Clay Aiken. Are you fucking kidding me? Look, everyone knows that Paris was in jail, that she is a skank, that she is a bitch, and that she is fake. I don't need a direct link that is placed next to the dow jones report to continually tell me that. I don't need a direct link to Clay Aiken letting me know he limp wristed some loser on an airplane placed right next to a link talking about global warming. Look, lets keep the news real and leave stories like this for the National Enquirer. You wanna put some direct links to people, how about some politicians like HRC , Rudy G , J McCain , Obama ? God knows the voting public can all use some edumacation when it comes to this subject! How about some links to people who do lots of charity work, or who donate time and money to good causes? To people who are supporting America's Veterans ? Would that be too much to ask for instead of Paris Hilton? If I want my fill of skanks and sex I'll pop in a porn where I can handle my business as well.

Buffalo Bills . I was reading in the Rochester D and C the other day that the Buffalo Bills are going to raise the price of parking in their stadium lots. Currently it is $15. While exorbitant, its not bad comparatively. However for this upcoming season they are raising the price by 60% to $25, well above the league average. You cannot tell me that the Bills are hurting so bad for money that they have to soak fans for that much money just to park a game. I know there are other parking options there that cost less, however lets face it...if we buy a couple tickets for the game for a hundy and a half we want the convenience of being able to actually park at the stadium and not have to walk a half mile each way. All sports are fleecing fans. MLB, NBA, NCAA, NHL. However the NFL is a fucking juggernaut that is making money like the Gambino Crime Family in the '70's and '80's. Surely they could do something to help make the game more cost effective to the fans! Surely the league could kick a few extra dollars back to the teams to help keep something like parking a bit more affordable. The NFL needs to be careful because they will eventually start pricing out fans of the product then the good times will no longer roll! In the meantime, between this, the threats of the Bills moving, Ralph Wilson's apparent lack of concern of the future of the team after he kicks all has me pretty down on the Bills currently. Since Ralph seemingly doesn't care about the fans that are supporting his team, I'm less inclined to give him my hard earned dollars as well. Guess I'll just keep hoping that Bills games aren't blacked out on Sunday's.

Happy 4th of July!

2007-07-04T12:02:00.000-04:00

Just a quick message to wish all of you a Happy 4th of July, and I also wanted to say this. Set aside your politics for this day and give the respect deserved to our country. You can hate the president, the regime, the democrats and republicans, war all of that, but set it aside. Paying tribute to the great land we all live in has nothing to do with politics. It’s this great land and all that have come before us and all that are here now that allow us to have the opinions we do. Do the things we do. Afford us the opportunities we have. We live in a land of wide open spaces, a land with large metropolis’ and immense beauty. We live in a land that is diverse, that works for us, that supports our way of life. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t take for granted all those that have served this country and have helped shape this great land. Enjoy the 4th. Enjoy the great land we live in. And don’t take it for granted.

NYC, The Mets, The Daddies, Marky Mark, Hockey its a Corucopia of Topics For Your Reading Pleasure!

2007-07-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

The past week was a pretty busy one for the Don. On the 24th, I celebrated one year of marriage, or as I saw one year without having to go O.J. on the wife. To celebrate, we took a quick overnight trip to New York City baby! We had tickets to watch my favorite team the Mets play at home against her favorite team the Cardinals. We got an early start on the 25th and made good time to the big city...right up until my directions had me going across Manhattan...which added another hour or so onto the trip time. All in all, we made solid time once we got to our hotel in posh Jamaica Queens. After checking in and unloading the car, we headed for the subway for some good ole Americana cuisine in the heart of NYC. Actually we ended up in the artsy-fartsy Greenwich Village to get some good ole authentic Fish 'N Chips from A Salt and Battery . The wife and I had been looking forward to trying this place ever since we saw my man Bobby Flay challenge the owner in a "Throwdown" on the Food Network. I ordered some Haddock and Bren had the Cod. We actually split an order of large Chips, since surprisingly enough there wasn't an actual "Fish 'N Chips" combo on the menu. I tried to understand that, but then again these are the Brits. You know, the ones who brush their teeth with a BBQ Grill brush and have no idea what a dentist is. Either way, a can of Coke for me and a Ginger Beer for Bren rounded out our lunch. Grand total...30 bones! Welcome to NYC! 30 bucks for 2 somewhat small pieces of fried fish, a "large" order of glorified french fries and 2 12 0z. cans of pop. Luckily the fish was phenomenal and so were the chips! It was worth the price for the food, the experience and to say we have been their.

After I got done washing dishes to pay for lunch, Bren and I head back out into the city. The last time we were there, we hit almost everything from Little Italy North to Central Park. This time while we had time to kill before the game we headed South. Brenna wanted to at least be able to see the Statue of Liberty so we jumped on the train and headed South. We got off at the World Trade Center. It was a humbling experience looking out into a big empty void where 2 of the largest buildings in the world once stood. It was good to see construction on the new Liberty Tower going on though. After touring the area we headed down to Battery Park where we got to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and enjoy the park itself. From there we rounded the tip and headed back north to the Fulton Fish Market and the 17th Pier on the South Street Seaport. From there we headed back into Central Manhattan until we decided to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. A very cool thing to do. Had some great views of the city while suspended over the middle of the East River! Once we finally got off the Bridge walkway in Brooklyn we hit the Subway looking to head to Queens to go to the game. Well, there was no Direct line between Brooklyn and Queens which was bullshit so we headed back into Manhattan where we transferred to the now famous from John Rocker Number 7 Train . Our stop, Willets Point - Shea Stadium!

It was good to be back in a Major League Park again. I was looking forward to chowing down a Nathan's Famous. The only place a hotdog tastes good is in a baseball park. Unfortunately, Nathan's just wasn't up to par. I guess I gotta give Joey Chesnutt more credit for eating 59 of those fuckers in 12 minutes. However the beer and peanuts were good and so was the game. The Mets offense forgot to show up scoring 3 hits in the game while the Cards had 8. At the end of 9 innings though, it was tied at 1 as we entered free baseball! In the bottom of the 11th Shawn Green stepped to the plate for the Mets and launched a shot to right field. Looking for a walk-off, the crowd of 40K plus was disappointed as the ball sailed foul. No worry because just as we all had sat back down green sent an offering soaring into the night air hitting the score board in deep right field for a walk-off home run victory!!! Tough break for Brenna, but I was happy at least!

After the game it was back to the hotel and the next morning we made our way back to Rochacha. Made great time getting back and in all had a great time.

Keeping the busy week going, on the 28th, my favorite band the Cherry Poppin' Daddies hit Rochester for a concert in the High Falls area. The Hesh in me was ecstatic because not only could I see the Daddies, but the concert was free as well. Steve Perry and the boys put on a great show playing for over 2 hours. Not bad for a free show. Keyboardist Dustin Lanker was classic on the board. My man was a spazz and great to watch. The Daddies hit just about every song I wanted to hear and then some. The best part about the show was the fact the Daddies didn't dick around with the music. Its not a secret that I as a rule I despise live music, especially concerts from well known artists. Too many times the singers or bands invoke their "artist creativity" to completely fuck up a song. Listen asscan's...I'm at your concert to hear the music that made me like you in the first place. When you start changing shit around in a live environment 99% of the time it sucks. This goes for rappers, hair bands, country artists, legends, rock 'n rollers, everyone. Thankfully The CPD's didn't do this. It was a hell of a show and one of the best concerts I've been to in a very long time. Hopefully the boys from Eugene Oregon make it out to the East Coast more often!

Through the wonder that is Netflix, Bren and I watched the movie "Shooter" last Sunday. While the plot may not be entirely plausible, the movie itself was very good. This got me to thinking...Mark Wahlberg (of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch "Fame") is a damn good actor. In pretty much everything I have seen him in, especially recently dude has been solid. From "Three Kings" to "4 Brothers" to "Shooter", even in that horrid movie "The Departed" he was excellent. I remember being in High School and horrified every time "Good Vibrations" was heard. All he was was Vanilla Ice who didn't get worked over by Suge Knight. Another white rapper who gained fame with the teenage girls of the time, but not with true rap music fans. Somewhere along the lines he dropped making records and started acting. Thankfully for us and to his credit he hasn't used his fame as an actor to return to the mic and drop another "album". I mean in a time when Paris Hilton is making records, it has to be tough not to hit the studio and cut a new record. As long as Dirk stays out the studio, I'll continue to see his movies and give him the credit he now deserves.

This past weekend was a bad one for all Buffalo Sabres fans. Despite the Sabres choke job this year in the playoff's, the team was poised to matter for a long time. The HSBC Arena in Buffalo is sold out for every home game and there are another 10-15,000 fans watching on a big screen in an overflow area as well. Canuck teams don't even get that. A town sick and tired of watching their football team get mismanaged right into the ground finally had something to cheer for...until as I said this past weekend. Buffalo's co-captains, both free agents left for greener financial pastures with the Rangers and Flyers. Pretty sad actually. All the Rangers can offer is a shitload of cash and not much chance of a Stanley Cup. Philly offers a ton of cash and the ability to get mercifully booed by Philly Fan after a bad night. Stanley Cup not in their future. Buffalo however had everything going for it. While they are a small market team that doesn't generate the revenue that the bog boys do, they have been turned into a solid team by Owner and Rochestarian Tom Golisano . He has turned the team into a winner from a team that was on the verge of bankruptcy and a move to some southern U.S. city. He helped to create something we can all be proud of. Even Hockey's year layoff didn't kill support for the Sabres like it did in several other cities. But this is bad news for the Sabres. Losing 2 of the best players on the team weakens the team. They might still be a playoff team, but they are no longer a Stanley Cup team now. Sports fans are fickle. Things like this will turn off the casual Hockey Fan such as myself. Like with the NBA, I was a big NHL Fan back in the '80's and early '90's, but the game changed...for the worse. It just didn't capture my interest like is did before. Almost all Hockey teams are facing this, and this is why they are struggling to hang onto major sport status. Baseball, Football, even the NBA with its 30 plus million a year players can get away with this. Hockey can't. It's too bad that the players don't realize this. If they don't, fans like me will dry up and the diehards that are left won't be enough to keep things going. At that point there will be no more 52 million dollar over paid contracts being handed out. Soccer on Ice will dry up, and NASCAR will officially replace Hockey as one of the 4 major sports.

I Got Your Notice Riiiiiight Here!

2007-06-22T07:35:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I meet up with a very good friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I also ran into Bill Shannon . It had been right about 53 weeks since I last saw his ass. He was in my wedding as one of the best men (groomsmen, but they were all best in my eyes). Since then though, dude has been ducking and dodging me like back in the day when it came to playing basketball. I mean it turned into the running joke with my wife when Bill would call or text to say he was in or on his way to Rochester and we should get together later...then I would never hear from him. I'd tell the ole lady Bill called, were gonna get a beer later and she would laugh! Well, this past Saturday was no different...expect his British ass actually showed up! Hell, he actually stayed around for a couple hours as we had a few drinks and shot the shit. He even dropped off a killer new CD he made - "Bill's Super Awesome Rap Music Mix for Summer LOL!" Its been more than a few months since I have given a decent amount of time to listening to rap music (new or old), so this CD was niiiiiiice. During the night though, we started talking about our respective blogs where he informed me that I was "on notice". WTF? On notice for what? Well, as most bloggers have, B -Shan has a list of friends and favorite blogs on the side of his blog. It seems that if you don't blog for 3 months...off you come! What a tragedy that would be right? Since I had just crossed 2 months without blogging...I was "on notice". Yeah, the guy who makes a yearly appearance with a sack full of excuses is telling me I'm on notice? For not blogging? Dude is around less than Haley's Comet and I'm on notice? And sure, the logical conclusion is that maybe he doesn't want to hang out with me. The thing is, I'm the coolest person he knows...seriously, so that's not it. So, since I'm on notice...up until I finish this blog anyway, B-40 you are on notice my friend. You've got 52 weeks to make an appearance this time!

Now, getting away from that, being on notice got me fired up to find something to blog about. What did I come up with? I decided to blog about people and things that are on notice as far as I am concerned.

Lets start with Yankee Fan . It's no secret that I'm a big
Mets Fan and have been anti-Yankee for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until a couple years ago that The Boston Green Sox and their shitty ass fans went screaming by the Yanks in terms of the amount of hatred I direct at them. I have even tried to lighten my stance against Yankee Fan. And it was working to a point. A couple good friends of mine are Yankee Fans...actual real Yankee Fans. We can talk baseball and it is an enjoyable conversation. They don't go typical Yankee Fan and become obnoxious shit talking cocksucking ill informed assholes. I never have to hear these guys talk about "yea well 26 championships bitch!" and other BS like that. A couple of weeks ago however, things started changing back to what they were. All year long the Yanks have been in the crapper while the Mets have been riding high. And of course asshole Yankee Fan would still take a run with whatever they could dig up for excuses...they were always tame. Then, shortly after the Mets took 2 of 3 from the Yanks in a weekend series the 2 teams fortunes exchanged. Since then, the Mets have been in the shit house while the Yanks are riding the wave. This is fine. As a Mets Fan its tough to watch, but its a long season and all teams will slump and have winning streaks (unless they are the Royals). This change brought out every single Yankee Honk that had been in hiding since the season started. The worst case is a dude here at work. A couple years ago he starting talking shit about the Yanks because he just saw a game and decided he had become a diehard fan overnight. Perfect. Well this cocksucker hadn't talked baseball with me all year long...until the Mets dropped 2 of 3 to the Yanks in their second meeting of the season. The past few days he has been constantly running his sewer and he is lucky that I need this job, because I would love to drop a few teeth out of his head so his smile can fit in with the rest of the bleacher bums. Yankee Fan, you are on notice. I understand that Yankee fandom is like a disease, but don't let it take over your senses. Be legit, real fans and we will all co-exist a lot better.

Next up are people asking for money. I'm not talking about friends or family, but strangers. A couple days ago I went over to Subway for lunch (save the Jared comments as well Mark). As I get out of my car, I have some dude coming up to me asking if I have a gas can. Yeah sure, I keep it in my back pocket. Not to be dismayed, this stranger then proceeds to tell me that he ran out of gas, his 47 children are in the car and can I give him a ride to the gas station (that was a stones throw away). I actually politely tell him I'm on lunch from my J-O-B, and need to get back after I grab a sammich. Now stranger guy starts to whine about "don't nobody help anybody in the city". No shit, that's why I live in the suburbs scumbag. At this point, the good Samaritan in me does want to help and he says he needs $3.64 for a gas can. How he will have money for gas after I don't know, but I reach into my wallet and notice a few $20's and a few one dollar bills. Mr. stranger guy is telling me he aint a bum and he works and has a family and he is gonna kill his 19 year old son for leaving the car on E etc. Now I'm just looking to gladly pay 3 bones to get this guy out of my hair. So, I reach in and give him 3 dollars. He said he will make up the difference then gives me like .23 cents back. Now I'm confused as he counts the dollars and says "there is only 3 here, I need $3.64". He said it with attitude which pissed me off. This fucker should be washing my windshield, offering me oral, something. I tell him I need MY MONEY to buy MY LUNCH as well. I give him his change back and say I'll give you some quarters. I go back to the car, dig out .75 cents and turn to give it to him and this fucking asshole is already crossing the street on his way back to his "family". So this mother fucker came to me needing help. I give him free of charge some of my hard earned money to which he gets an attitude because its "not enough", and then when I try to give him more he just leaves. Not even a thank you? Its too ba D this asshole didn't get hit by a car crossing the street. Best believe I would have gotten my 3 bucks back before I called 911. People asking for money...you bitches are on notice.

Hot Chick - You are on notice. It seems that after one of my last blogs, a hot chick who I was unaware that was a reader of my blog (boosting my readership up to 4), agreed with yet took some exception to my hot chick in the work place blog. Wow. I feel like Jeru The Damaja 5 minutes after a women's rights group first heard "Da Bitches". Let me clarify with my version of "Me or the Papes". Not all hot chicks are useless (eye candy aspect not withstanding). Like anyone else, they can be hard working, motivated, and stand on their own two feet. However, as mentioned in my blog, there are those that just have it made. All my examples were taken from actual events here at my job involving "hot chick". In a different situation it might be different, but in this environment (full of dudes, old bags, little if any competition), she flat out has it made. As a disclaimer, let me also add that being a hot chick doesn't mean the girlie is dumb, helpless, lazy or whatever. But you all know you feel me with what I'm saying. So hot chick, my blog isn't about all hot chicks, I'm not Guru, so don't take it personal.

Rochester Soccer is officially on notice. The great city of Rochester NY is known for many things. Its Lilacs. Its history of big business like Xerox and Kodak. Its blend of cultures. Its ability to support several different types of minor league sports franchises. It is also known for a horrible economy. For people leaving the city. For the big business like Kodak and Xerox downsizing and laying off tens of thousands of people. Along these same disappointing lines, Rochester has also been known as a Soccer hotbed. One of the only few areas in this wonderful country that can claim that designation. Luckily here in mid-2007, that designation is in jeopardy. After a struggle to get their own stadium (that included possibly tearing up part of and redesigning the wonder park the baseball Redwings play in, the Rhinos landed their own stadium. Soccer talk in Rochester was at an all time high! Now, fast forward a couple years and Soccer is on the ropes in this great city. If you have read my past blogs on the Rhinos, you know what I think of their stadium. It looks like the Green Giant took a big green and yellow aluminum shit in the middle of one of Rochester's hoods. The seats suck, the concessions suck, the amenities suck, the employees of the stadium suck, the field sucks, everything sucks. The Rhinos have gone from having 13,000 people packed into Frontier Field, to having 4,000 fans in their very own Soccer Specific stadium. Over the past weekend, the Redwings had attendance of 36,000 for a 3 game series. The Rhino's game landed them the above mentioned 4,000 fans. Many people say the reason that Soccer is now struggling is because it is not being promoted the way it was. It seems as if the team thought the new stadium would keep the fans coming...guess not. Hopefully the Rhino's and Soccer go away. They can sell their stadium to Coca Cola and the stadium can really give back to the community as we all slam pop out of the millions of 12 oz. cans we can get out of that thing. Soccer is down in Rochester and I've already started my 10 count.

Cleveland is on notice. Now that the NBA season is finally over, lets talk about LeBron and the Cavaliers. See, before the NBA Finals started, Cleveland fan was everywhere. Talking up their team, their town, their star players etc. Look, I understand Cleveland has a complex. Its one of the most cracked on major cities in America. I understand C-Town resident is bitter because guys like me never let them forget that they managed to set their river on fire...and after watching a show on the history channel, they have managed to do that several times! See here in Rochester we use water to put out fires...not to start them, but that's a whole different blog right there. Since the opening tip-off of the NBA Finals, I haven't heard a peep out of C-Town Fan. Look, your team got rolled, but you can still support them in public. You can still give the Spurs credit for the games they played. You can not go into hiding like a lost little girl after your team tanks. Its fans like this that give teams/cities a bad reputation. And lets face it, Cleveland can't afford any of that. As the baseball season trucks on, and your baseball team is looking good you should prepare yourself for the inevitable C-Town. The Steamers are going to tank as well. It's just the C-Town way.

Sopranos detractors, you are on notice! We are now a couple weeks past the Series Finale of perhaps the greatest television drama ever - The Sopranos. While Seasons 5 and both parts of 6 were nowhere near the quality of the first 4 seasons, they both lived in their own right and had their own style to them. As we all know, the series ended with everyone's heart racing as impending doom was knocking on Tony's door - then black. At first, I was pissed with this ending, but after thinking about it I was okay with it. First and foremost, there was no ending that would have made any majority happy. I myself did not want T to get killed...or even end up in jail. Some people wanted him dead. Others wanted him locked up. I'm more of a go out blazin' shoot'em up type and was at first disappointed there was really none of that in the final episode. Even Phil's death was somewhat lackluster...until I think about how most Mafia hits are...then it was perfect. The end, while technically leaving things unresolved (which I usually hate *see "Sideways"), I was alright this time. It allowed each viewer who has the slightest bit of imagination end the show in their own mind. Brilliant. Many say the answers as to what really happened are there. The fact Tony and Bobby were talking about dying and Bacala says everything probably just goes black...like the way the show ended. Maybe, but I don't think Tony died. If he did...who did it? The black dudes that came in? If so why? The war was over, Phil was dead, business was to be done. The most notable suspect was the dude in the members only jacket. Again, why would he want to kill Tony? Who would have hired him? This would touch off way too many additional plot lines/questions and would not be a good way to end the show. If they are setting up a movie, I could see it, but with Tony dead and Sil a vegetable...not much there to build off of. One thing I think could be a good possibility is that the final few moments we were seeing life the way Tony does. Nervous that everyone is trying to get him or is a would be assassin etc. I think Meadow's parking issues were just something to throw us off. Either way, we'll never know. Don Cialini's alternate ending would be something like this. Meadow would be having her parking issues. The members only coat guy would be doing his thing as everyone else would be. The Members only coat guy would walk to the bathroom get to the door then turn back towards Tony. As Meadow walks in, she sees the coat dude pull a gun and screams. We see Tony's face fall down basically as fear and panic rush over him. Then we see the coat guy through T's eyes first the screen shrunk then to full size as his eyes widen. There we have a perfect view of the would be killer about to pull the trigger when we hear a shot and see the guys side of his face explode as a bullet flies out of the left side of his head. Then the camera pans to see a nervous yet unshaken A.J. holding a gun fresh off saving his fathers life. Then we here a quote from Paulie right after Christopher became made. "And so it goes this thing of ours." Done. My reasoning would be that somewhere in-between A.J.'s suicide attempt, his stint in the nuthouse, the Mafia war he was caught up in as well as the fact his father was still trying to help him out (with the new car and job etc), he snapped out of it and started feeling the reality of not only his world but the world in general. With the thought of harm possibly coming to him or his family especially as his father (because he has a deep desire to please his dad and make him proud) he starts carrying a gun just incase it comes to that. When it does...he doesn't hesitate. I can dig it!

Well my avid readers, I'm back. This should get me off notice and hold you guys over until I take my next bitter pill! Mr. ShanahanLand, go update your mess. Enjoy.

The Imus Saga

2007-04-13T08:33:00.000-04:00

So Imus got canned. For many radio listeners, our reaction is "it's about time". The thing is, what got Imus canned should not have been the reason. As any Howard Stern Fan will know, what should have got Imus canned was the fact he sucks and has no ratings. Matter of fact, I have better ratings that Imus and I don't even have a radio show. Never the less, Imus calling the Rutgers Women's Basketball team "Nappy Headed Hoes" gets him canned.

Look, the only reason Imus should get canned for that statement is because it is incorrect. The Rutgers Women's Basketball Team are second rate Nags who were left out of the field for the upcoming Kentucky Derby. Had he mentioned that, at least he would have had accuracy on his side. Instead, he got tossed for his comments alone. Now don't get me wrong, I do not agree with the statements he said. I would have never made them on Public Radio. They were tasteless and offensive. However, he has the right to say them just like we have the right to not listen, to tell him to shut the fuck up etc.

Imus has made a career out of pushing the envelope in his own way. He has crapped on everyone under the sun. Why is it now that this comment fires up Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson? Why is it that a 64 or 66 year old radio jock who has been on the air for about 30 years too long who has no ratings and a dwindling audience already draw the ire from damn near everyone especially Jesse, Al and the NAACP? Perhaps because he is an easy target to defeat?

Let's face it, the comments that Imus made one time, are normal comments in everyday life. Most of us make off color comments like this whether we mean it, whether we are breaking balls, whether we are trying to get a reaction out of someone. As a HUGE rap music fan, I know that if I go pick up a Snoop Dog album, or a 50 Cent album, or whatever other shitty rapped is "hot" at the moment - their album I will hear verse after verse of commentary that makes Imus look like he was complementing these women. Why is it alright that rappers can say it. 2 obvious answers jump to mind 1.) Their black so they can say it against their own people and 2.) They are artists using their artistic ability. Really. The latter is the one I have heard used a lot and I think its complete bullshit. A rapper like 50 Cent is no more an artist than Don Imus is. Is Don not an artist? As a radio jock who has a show to inform and entertain is there not as much artistry involved there as with making a rap song about what a bitch some woman is?

I do know that the rap music industry faces backlash for lyrics, violence etc. but its minimal. I haven't heard about Jesse Jackson organizing a large group of people to picket Def Jam like he was going to do to CBS. Artistic creativity my ass. I hate to drop my beautiful wife into the mix but she made a point last night that made me think she was oobatz. She said Imus needed to be more sensitive and that it was alright for say rappers to say the exact same thing because its their culture. Really? I had never thought that degrading women should be considered part of anyone's culture outside of the Middle East. That's like saying "Hey Snoop, as a black man you can call all the women you want bitches, hoes, sluts, cocksuckers, whores and its alright because you're black and its your culture with a little artistic creativity thrown in." However, when Imus calls some black women Nappy Headed Hoes, he is an old racist white guy. And maybe he is, maybe he was just running shtick for this show albeit in poor taste.

The double standard that exists in this country regarding commentary like this is one of the things in my opinion that is keeping the country divided. Also, I think the priorities of today's black leaders are a problem as well. Being a white guy in the suburbs (shut up Bill), I'm well aware of far more important issues that Don Imus that black people have to face today. Its sad that 2007 we still haven't all learned to co-exist, but I can't help but think if Ole Jesse, Al, and others put as much effort into other things as they did getting an easy target old white guy with no ratings off the air, things could be better. If anyone has seen "Do The Right Thing", there is a scene in there where Mookie's sister (forget her name) is talking to Bugging Out. Buggin' is trying to organize a boycott of Sal's Pizzeria because Sal's Hall Of Fame on the wall has only pictures of Italians. When Mookies sister isn't down Buggin' out says "what, your not down"? She says that she is down, but she is down for something positive. Making positive change. That's a lesson I think we can all learn. Unfortunately I feel we won't. Imus (thankfully) will fade off into obscurity and there will be no positive progress has from all of this. Like I said, I'm afraid for what our society will become.

Hot Chick in the Work Place

2007-03-21T13:10:00.001-04:00

The battle for equality between men and women has been going on for as long as the world has been turning. Over the last 40 or 50 years as women have ventured out of their traditional roles in the home and crossed over into the working world, they have faced all types of sexual discrimination. One of the biggest things we hear about is equal pay for equal jobs. Hey, I agree. Lost in all this feminazism though is that one really hot chick who works in ones area at their job. And Fellas, you know the one I'm talking about. That chick you hope to get a glimpse of on a regular basis. The one who smells good from 300 feet away. The one who you and your fellow co-workers all talk about what you would do to her...if you weren't married in some sort of primitive male braggadocio bonding ritual. The thing that gets overlooked is just how easy her job is, especially if the situation is right. A hot chick in an office full of other chicks with varying degrees of hotness won't see too many benefits, but a hot chick who works around a lot of guys and or around a lot of undesirable women has her ticket straight punched.

To prove my statement, I will use an example from right where I work. To set it up, I work for a Communications Company right here in Cold Crapchester New York. The company occupies a number of buildings and I work in a long building that is mostly made up of manufacturing elements. The area I work in is a "secured" area with limited access at the west end of the building. We have a contingent of Engineers who we work with, but like I said, most of the building in Manufacturing. As one can predict, manufacturing (ie line work) and engineering are female starved areas...at least hot females. There are plenty of line hogs on the assembly line...however you don't have to be Mr. Wizard to figure out how they earned their nickname. Along one side of the building, is an area walled off from the factory part that houses offices...or a cube farm if you will. Somewhere close to the middle of this cube farm is what is regarded as a hot chick. Now personally I don't feel that way, but the general consensus is that she is a hot piece of ass. I think she looks alright, but she is about as thin as a crack whore with no curves...to each their own I guess, but I digress. While she doesn't work for the engineering department I am in (she works with the manufacturing side), the chance to see her exists just the same.

Being a hot chick, they set her desk area and cube up right in front of one of the entrances to the office area. She doesn't have a complete cube and only a computer monitor prevents anyone who looks from getting a full picture. I find this ironic, because the behemoth she took over from was always kept hidden behind double thick cube walls. Yeah, like the people in charge of this setup weren't thinking ahead. So, right in the middle of the office area in front of a main entrance to the area we have "hot chick". For the sake of keep real peoples names out of it, "hot chicks" name will become "Jen". Shit, I feel like I'm writing a letter to Penthouse Forums.

So, Jen's lot in life, at least her work life has got to be as golden as anything. She is a hot chick working in an area filled with dudes, most old and married, no competition from the women around and even the young engineers would might be game usually have significant others...depending on their persuasion. I don't know how much she makes, but I am willing to bet for what she has to do or the crap she has to put up with, its too much. No slow down feminazist. I'm not saying she shouldn't make whatever she is, but she gets the hot chick discount when it comes to work load and crap she has to deal with. I have seen even the most hardened, miserable, 30 year pissed off at the world employees in her cube with questions of getting help acting just as sweet and charming as can be. If I were to talk to one of these guys 5 minutes later they would tell me to go fuck myself with my own head and hope I would suffocate while doing it. Cocksuckers. I've seen Managers/Boss' act like a mistake or money costing error was just a simple mix-up. If that was me, I'd be standing tall before the man. Anytime she walks anywhere, I see a bigger entourage following her than M.C. Hammer ever thought about having. God knows she will never have to carry anything over 2 pounds, because even old-timer with the thrashed back will be lining up to carry that 30 pound box of copy paper for her. During Christmas, she was in charge of decorating the areas with Christmas decorations and setting up the Happy Christmas Tree. Nothing like watching her up on a ladder and about 15 dudes below all looking up with glazed over eyes. Even better was all the dudes "helping" to hang decorations, hoping if they hung a few Christmas balls on her tree, they could hang their balls across her nose. Not a chance Fellas. The mass of people always surrounding her. The dirty old perv trying to get a chance to feel young again. The married guy who is miserable and thinks if he could stick his underused pecker in this chick all his problems would go away. The boss' who think their position makes her want to try positions with them. The single, dirty, scraggly nasty dudes who think she would really get into playing Dungeons and Dragons with them. Sorry Fellas, none of you have a chance, but she will exploit the fact she can lead you all around by your Johnson's so her work day can be that much easier.

You know, I can take this example to the extreme as well. Here in the Northeast, anyone who has tried to cross a busy street understands its like playing a game of Frogger. If you make it across alive, you have won! It's not like being in say Los Angeles where if you walk out in front of a car, it will actually stop. Try that here in NY and the fucker behind the wheel will accelerate like he is trying to win the Daytona 500 in the final stretch. Oh, and I know, because I have experienced both. Anyway, my company has had to have crosswalks painted and marked on the road our building is on, because we have a large parking lot across the street. Even with a couple crosswalks, drivers don't pay attention. We even had an employee become a hood ornament last year. Well one day about a month and a half ago, I was coming back from lunch, getting ready to play Frogger, hoping I would see the other side and get to enjoy my Di'Bella's sub when "Jen" comes walking out of the building, surprisingly enough with another chick...a non-competing chick of course. She walks up to the crosswalk and looks and here comes a Big Fucking Ass 18-Wheeler. Now you know who drives these rigs. They are the dirt covered, raggedy John Deer screen hat wearing, unshaven, unshowered, toothpick chomping, CB talking, flannel shirt with the arms cut off sporting, thinking they are the sexual jackhammer they aren't guy. This fool comes roaring down the road and damn near locks'em up so "Jen" can safely navigate the street crossing. I see my opening and make my move to get up to the crosswalk and cross in the opposite direction that "Jen" just did. As soon as I approach the crosswalk, truck driver guy starts grinding the gears and starts to roll so he doesn't have to wait for my ass. Perfect. Not like this greaseball couldn't have waited about 3 more seconds for me to get across the street. It's amazing when a set of tits and the ability to bleed for 7 days and not die can bye you.

I can honestly say that I don't give hot chick the time of day. Look, I hate doing my own work, so I'm not going to do some skanks work for her so I can get absolutely nothing in return. I'm definitely not following around hot chick like a lost puppy dog so assholes like myself can crack on me. So Fellas, watch out for hot chick in the work places trap! And Feminazis...maybe if you bitches were hot...you wouldn't be so angry.

The Racial Divide - Divided As Ever

2007-03-19T07:11:00.000-04:00

Nothing like a good race issue to get me interested in my blog again. Last week, while listening to sports talk radio or watching ESPN's Sportscenter I heard a story that my favorite wannabe gangster on the ball field can't wear his hat like a million dollar professional C.C. Sabathia of the Cleveland Steamers (see below) says their needs to be more blacks in baseball and that baseball needs to do more to recruit young black players. Really. Look, before you my faithful reader (and I do mean that singularly) go ahead and label me the David Duke of the blog world, hear me out here.

MLB has lots of programs in effect to bring the game of baseball to inner city youths. However they face several obstacles that the "crusaders" seem to want to ignore. In the city, basketball is king. Football is right behind it, but baseball just doesn't have a solid foothold. Anytime I fly over the inner city I really don't see too many baseball diamonds. I mean I understand they take a lot of space in space crunched areas (and don't talk about football fields, because you have high school football. high school baseball cannot even come close to competing there), where a group of basketball courts fit in nicely. However, MLB has its program - Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) and each individual team also run their own programs as well. Short of forcing kids to play baseball, what exactly can be done? Its kind of like forcing teams to have a token black candidate interview for an NFL head coaching job. According to Captain Cheeseburger, if he was a kid watching MLB today, he wouldn't play because he doesn't see enough black players.

"They don't see us playing," Sabathia said. "When I grew up, I was a pitcher and I liked the Oakland A's. I liked Dave Stewart. I was a big left-handed hitter, so I liked Dave Parker. You had Barry Bonds playing in San Francisco, guys like that. There were a lot of guys to look up to."

If he was a kid today, would Sabathia be playing baseball?

"No way," he said. "That's the truth."

I can understand that to a point. However, when look at the common sense side of things, if you have the talent to be a big leaguer, why not take it? Lets look at the facts. The money is phenomenal. Its not near as good as the NBA, but its a lot better than the NFL. Contracts are guaranteed, unlike the NFL. The Players Union is the biggest Mafia Family on the planet meaning you can probably commit a double homicide and get off quicker than Ray Lewis. Career longevity is probably the greatest advantage. Usually longer than the NBA and way better than the NFL. In the NFL when a player is hitting the downside of his career, he is entering his baseball prime...and his body is still in one piece. Longer career with greater money equals greater riches. If kids don't see that or don't want to go that route (if they have the talent), hey its a free country.

I know Captain Cholesterol runs his own youth league baseball programs, but maybe he should put more effort in recruiting his fellow black multi-millionaires to give back as well. Maybe if the black youth see these "few" players active in their communities and promoting baseball, they would be more encouraged to participate? I mean I don't hear Justin Morneau crying about their not being enough Canadians in MLB. I don't hear Andruw Jones crying there are not enough Dutch players in MLB. I don't hear Glenn Williams bitching about their not being enough Aussies in MLB.

I could take this even farther. Since I have been referencing the NBA, where are the white players in that league? They are as few and far between as blacks are apparently in baseball. I don't hear Steve Nash, or Dirk Nowitski or that other good white guy throwing up fits that the NBA needs to recruit more white players and open basketball centers in the rural areas. Why not? Because that would be considered racist. I'm just not down with the racial double standard. Everybody should have the right and the chance to play whatever they want, work where ever they want to work etc. I know its not a perfect world, but the double standard doesn't help anything.

So C.C. Next time you feels like opening that sewer of yours, maybe you should try and throw a speed bump in-between your brain and your hole. If your tilted hat to the side might as well be wearing a fedora and carrying a glock instead of a glove ass wants things to change, then be part of the solution more than you already are, instead of just complaining about something. Offer actual solutions, not just lip service. Also, take a look around baseball, and other sports before you whine about the majority of who is playing what.

NFL Intervention

2007-02-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

Here in Crapchester, while we are digging out from the 24 inches of snow we received over the last day and a half, there is hope. Pitchers and catchers have started reporting to Spring Training and by the end of next week the camps should be full (well except for the White Sox - not sure Juan Uribe is going to be able to make it). That's right, now that we are through the most over hyped sporting event next to the World Cup (The Superbowl - can I say that NFL, or do I need to refer to it as the "Big Game"?) and the absolute worst excuse for an All-Star Game (Pro Bowl) are over, we can focus on what really is important. Spring Training and Opening Day.

Of course, there are you degenerates that just can't let go. You know who you are. The ones still watching the NFL Network. The ones tuning into NFL Live or whatever it is on ESPN now that it is a yearly show. And worst of all, are the guys who are having wet dreams to the mere thought of the impending NFL Draft. That's right, this is my now yearly electronic intervention for all you Football Honks who have it so bad that you are drooling at the prospect that your team might get to draft from so and so from whatever University.

Let's face it. The draft sucks. Not one other professional sports draft generates even a percent of what the NFL's does. There is a reason why...the draft is boring. I understand Football is King in this country. I'm good with that. If I don't have to deal with Raider Fan at a baseball game, then my day is looking better and brighter. However, while baseball is getting started and the NBA and NHL are getting ready to make their playoff runs, stop wasting my time with all this crap about the draft!

I shouldn't have to turn on Sports Center only to be bombarded with who the Raiders are going to pick first and subsequently sink that player's career. I shouldn't have to listen to Mike and Mike or John DiTullio and year 80% Football content with Mel Kipers latest draft predictions. Look, Mel Kiper needs a life. There is more to the sporting world than the NFL. We do not need 3 months of coverage on the potential draft picks and then an all out party on draft day.

Clicking on ESPN around noon on the day of the draft is alright. You watch a couple picks then go on to be more productive. You know, yard work, get your oil changed, bang the wife etc. However, if you live for the draft. If you plan your weekend around the draft. If you park your fat ass on the couch for the better part of the Saturday (and let it spill into Sunday) you are a complete loser. I don't mean to be so forward, but its true. If you are going to watch T.V. where there is 30 seconds of interest followed by 15 minutes of waiting you are a complete loser. I know I watch some bullshit on TV. Some of which probably makes me a loser, however not to the degree that the NFL Draft makes most people.

Look, NFL Honk. Do yourself a favor this impending draft day. Watch the first couple of picks then turn on a baseball game. You will end up much more satisfied.

The Don Returns - Clips The Euros!

2007-01-24T12:28:00.000-05:00

Finally, your Don’s long awaited and much overdue return to the blogging world. A lot has been happening since my last blog. My buddy Mark hasn’t posted a damn thing worth a few minutes out of ones busy schedule to read. My buddy Herb seems to have found a new spacing program for his blog…and he’s still talking about Football. Hey Willy…less than a month until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training. I’ve also gone to the Dominican Republic on my honeymoon, a week and a half in paradise. You think I think that along would leave me plenty of topics to blog about for some time…and it has, however one thing peers out above all else. Its not the days spent on the incredible beach. It’s not the ATV rides through the 3rd world country side. It’s not swimming in the ocean and walking along the beautiful white sand beaches. It’s not even about the resorts or the activities provided. To be honest, it’s about the Euro’s. Sad I know, but the Euro’s on vacation need to be addressed. And since I know Mark will take the link to this blog and run and post it on airliners.net, or take it to some other forum populated by Euro’s where they talk about Soccer and whatever other uninteresting things Euro’s talk about. Sorry fellas. I know the Europeans I saw while on vacation are representative of all of you guys…its fair game because that’s how you judge us Americans.

Before I start my battering, I have to say while we didn’t meet many people there personally; our neighbors to the North from America's Hat were very friendly and good people. Met some nice folks from Toronto – They hated Quebec, so that made them even better. Also, the Brits there seemed to be or I was told were very good people. The rest of the Euro’s though…it leaves something to be desired.

First off, Euro’s love to stereotype Americans. I know this because I participate on a multi-national forum. Americans are fat, Americans don’t know geography, Americans this, Americans that. I have never understood why Euro’s care if Americans are Fat. Maybe it’s because I’m fat too, who knows. However I haven’t ever concerned myself with the weight of Euro’s…until now. She, while on the beautiful beaches of the Dominican Republic, and while enjoying the resorts as well, I noticed one thing right off the bat. FAT EURO’s. I saw fat French, fat Germans, fat Dutch, fat Italians, fat Spaniards, fat Portuguese, fat Swiss, fat Brits and even fat Canadians. I saw fat ass Euro rolling around the beach with his micro Speedo on. No really. Calling that disturbing wouldn’t even do the site justice. I saw fat ass Euro’s wife, the 300 pound behemoth sporting her ineey weeny itsy bitsy bikini which became pretty much impossible to see with everything that was hanging over it. Ordinarily I would be like “Ah salude, wear what you want to wear”, however when an American Super sizes his value meal it makes headlines in Euroland. Hey bitches. Americans are fat, Euro’s are fat. Stop piling on about something you are quite guilty of yourselves!

I will say that the Euro’s are much more liberated individually than Americans. There is not some evil stigma attached to sex (for the most part) for them. Their women will go topless and not even think of it. Obviously I encountered this in the DR. Of course I mentioned to the wife how I wouldn’t want a beach full of dudes staring at her titties, and she tried to tell me that they don’t think like that. Right – I forgot that guys in Europe are not the sex crazed hormone balls we are here in the states. Either way, to each their own, and even with the wife right there, I’m not opposed to stealing a couple looks at some titties. There is a problem with this though. In the time we where there, I say 5 – maybe at the most whose tits I might have wanted to check out. The very large majority of the topless chicks should have had a top on. If your nipples get confused with your knee caps…wear a top. If you are 70 years old…wear a top. If your tits are saggin and draggin…wear a top. If your chest looks like a little boys…wear a top. I mean I know it’s always the way. All the chicks walking around covered are the ones you want to check out. Not Grandma Moses to your right. Oh, and I know its all in how we are brought up and such, but I don’t care how I was brought up, I’m not going to want to go to the beach for a day of fun in the sun with my parents and see my moms tits dangling around. I saw several 10 year old boys who are well on their way to being scarred for life.

Attitude: I’ve heard how bad the attitude of American’s is. After spending some quality time with Europe’s finest, I can now say that the Euro-tude sucks. With the exception of the Canucks and other Americans, I have never been around a group of people who were as rude, unfriendly and annoying as the Euros. Hey, I know we all speak different languages, but the universal communication for hello is eye contact and a head nod. If a Euro made eye contact with me, it was like I was a great big pile of shit and that’s what they were looking at. No friendly gestures, nothing. When walking on the sidewalks, these bitches would not get out of your way, taking up as much (usually all) of the sidewalk as they wanted. No holding of the elevators, no friendly smiles. Nothing, I was honestly surprised by this. I figured that for the bad rap the rude American gets, that the Euro would be friendlier. I guess it’s just the Euro (Double) Standard.

Smoking: Apparently the ill effects of smoking have not been discovered by the Euro yet. 90% of the Euro’s were sucking down heaters like their very life depended upon it. It made Bren and I very appreciative of the no-smoking laws here in the states. Whether it was at breakfast, lunch, dinner, outside, in the hotel, at any of the bars there was Euro polluting the air with his or her smoke. Nothing like being on the beach, smelling the fresh air filled with the smell of the sea only to have it ruined by some asshole sucking on a cancer stick. Even worse was walking in the beautiful white sands of the beaches only to see thousands if not hundreds of thousands of cigarette butts. Perfect. Look, cigarette butts filling your cramped streets in your cramped apartments might be alright, but have some class when you are in paradise. How your lungs are not screaming for relief is beyond me.

Tipping: Euros are cheap fucks. Seriously, in doing my research for my vacation, one of the first things I learned was that you are supposed to tip the people who wait on you hand and foot. I understand it’s all inclusive, but dropping a couple singles here and there isn’t going to kill you. Well, apparently tightwad ass Euro thinks otherwise. In the entire time we were there, I saw 1, that’s ONE Euro tip a bartender that was it. The resort workers use tips to supplement their income. They make around $200 USD a month! And even in the DR that’s not a lot. Tips help hem out. We came prepared. We tipped our bartenders for almost every mixed drink (not beer). We tipped the dinner server, our maid, our drivers if we took any tours. Because of this, the bartenders took real good care of us. The maid always left fresh flowers and such in our room (not standard practice). Look Euros – If you can afford 2 weeks at an all inclusive resort in the Caribbean, your cheapskate ass can afford to tip. I only saw Americans and Canadians tip (other than that lone Euro). Maybe you cheap shits don’t tip in your country, but it’s expected if not needed here. Way to stiff the help who are living below the poverty line even in the DR. Well done. I’ll be sure to use this in the Euro stereotypes that are on their way.

Other things noticed while hanging with the Euros. The French language can sound nice. The Italian language sounds better. The German language sounds disgusting and extremely primitive. Nothing worse than hearing German Tourist holding a conversation at a high decibel level. I expected them to start grabbing sticks and rocks and start plotting on how to create the wheel. Sorry guys. Every time it started to rain, I wasn’t sure if it indeed was rain or it was a group of Germans holding a passionate conversation about something.

I’m sure I am leaving out tons of material. There may be a Part II to this. In the meantime, I would like my Euro friends to take this with a grain of salt and realize this is what they do to Americans all the time. And I’m sure the Euro’s will argue that most of my comments are not true, the same can be said about American stereotypes perpetuated by the Euros. To quote that fine American Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along?”

Your Don - MIA?

2006-12-02T08:41:00.000-05:00

I must apologize to my light handful of faithful readers. Your Don has been putting in some serious hours on the job and it just hasn't left much time to throw up any Blogs. Rest assured that as soon as I get some quality free time, I will have a bitter scathing rant about something posted. Until then, remember that our true enemy has not yet revealed himself.

Out

I Got My "I Voted" Sticker!

2006-11-08T06:41:00.000-05:00

Another election day as come and gone. The country's citizens hit their polling places in mass to do their civic duty and try and help right the American Ship that the GOP has going in circles down a drain. Now your Don isn't going to sit here and Bash Republicans or anyone else. I'm a registered Republican, but even I could not vote along party lines in the election. I pretty much split my votes, but it was time for a change.

As the results start pouring in and are updated on your favorite webpage, mine being this one, 2 things have become clear. The Republicans are losing their ground rapidly to the Democrats, and that once again America as a whole could not get off our fat collective asses and go and vote. I know this is nothing new. In a country of 300 Million we are lucky if 88 million of those people actually go out and vote during a presidential election. How fucked up is this? These regimes we elect are the guiding force behind our country for 4 years minimum! 88 million might go and vote, but 300 million will all bitch and moan about how things are going. As far as I am concerned, if you don't vote, shut the fuck up. If you want to bitch and moan, complain and cry, then take the 10 minutes out of your day to click a few switches and pull a lever.

Here in NY State we have a population of 19.25 million people. Of those 19.25 million people, 4.14 million voted for the NYS Governor. Are you freaking kidding me? Barely 22% of the NYS population went out and voted for the next NYS Governor? As citizens of our great country, and our particular state, how can we as a whole not go out and vote? This was one of the things we fought the Bloody Brits over in the Revolutionary War. As a country we have fought long and hard to ensure all men and women, races, nationalities, etc. can vote. What do those pioneers get for their effort? A 22% fucking turnout. Beautiful.

Maybe during future elections, those that decide not to go out and vote can participate in other events. Maybe they can gather in groups around certain monuments in America and all piss on them. Maybe they can dig up the graves of Americas great leaders, founding fathers, and civil rights pioneers and take a big shit in their graves and bury them again. Maybe they can all get together and just start bitching about the impending results while not doing their part to try and change things. That way they can get right down to business as opposed to having to wait those grueling hours until the results are 'official'. It’s a fucking disgrace.

So next election day, make America a better place, punch a non-voter in his mother fucking face.

I Want My Sinus Medicine

2006-11-01T15:34:00.000-05:00

I'm pissed. I know that’s not the most shocking thing one has ever heard out of my piehole, but today it’s a little worse than usual. Check that, it’s a lot worse than usual.

For the last few months, I have been meaning to pick up some sinus medicine. Whenever I seemingly would stop at Wegmans on my way into work, I would be unable to pick some up because the pharmacy was closed and that’s where you had to get the stuff now. The shit is now behind the counter because Asscans who run Meth Labs are using the stuff for the pseudooepherine to make their smack. Hey, whatever. I'm all for trying to clean up what has turned into a huge problem in this country. However, when it becomes easier for me to smuggle Uranium than it is for me to buy a box of Cold and Sinus ibuprofen, we have a problem.

During my lunch hour today, I rolled over to the Wegmans right near work. I wanted to pick up a couple Bialy's for lunch and since my Sinus' were kicking like Bruce Lee, I thought hey, I'll actually be able to get a box of sinus medicine. I strolled over to the cold section of the store and grabbed some sort of ticket thing that I needed to take to the pharmacy. I stepped up with a grin on my grill ready to get my Sinus relief…when it starts.

The skank ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR young lady behind the counted takes my ticket then asks for my drivers license as she gets out this big ass book. I've seen this book before. Its usually where you sign when you pick up a legitimate prescription. However, this must now be the new pseudoepherine buyers book. After she takes down my drivers license number and some other information, she gives me the book where I need to print my full name, give my address and then sign it. First off, if the Don signs anything, the Don gets P-A-I-D like Pete Rose. Not to mention the fact I don't want any yutz knowing my address. As I comment with "Jesus" at having to go through all this, the skank ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR young lady pipes in with "its not our policy. If it wasn't for all the meth labs we wouldn't have to do this." Slow down honey, I wasn't giving you or Wegmans shit. I was just bitching in general at how hard it is for me to now by some goddamn Sinus medicine. All this because some Meth Addicts want to fuck themselves up with this shit.

Look. I don't do it. I don't operate or supply a lab. Matter of fact I look down on and shun users of Meth with glee. I mean seriously. What happens when I go home, and my wife wants to take my controlled box of Sinus juice to work she can have some on hand? I mean now I need a new box right? I go strolling back to Wegmans and try to buy another 40 count box, what if they told me no, I have to wait 30 days? Whats going to happen is I'm going to go on a killing spree right there in Wegmans starting with that fucking skank ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR fuck it, skank who initially broke my balls to begin with! What if they give me the box, what, is the DEA going to start surveillance on me? I better remember to close the blinds before I start jacking off next time.

Look, there has got to be a better solution to this problem. Sure parents being more responsible for their kids would help. Sure, cops actually looking for real criminals instead of trying to catch me doing 34mph in a 30mph speed trap zone would be beneficial. Sure, all the dumb mother fuckers out there actually doing this shit getting some education and help on their problem would be beneficial, but lets face it. Common sense shit just isn't going to prevail.

See, I have a solution and its called Whip a Mother Fuckers Ass (WMFA). If I catch my kid using speed, I'ma whip that mother fuckers ass. If I see a friend using speed, I'ma whip that mother fuckers ass. If I see some addict that is part of the problem and is part of the reason its damn near impossible for me to get sinus medicine, I'ma whip that mother fuckers ass. Tell me that wouldn't help. Lets give the cops the authority now. Fuck arresting perps. Fuck trying to get these losers into rehab. Fuck trying to stem the flow of Meth. Instead, whip a mother fuckers ass. I have to believe that if some user gets his ass beat enough times by the cops, by me, by others that believe in my solution…at some point they are going to get sick of getting their ass beat and clean themselves up. Its time we stop coddling these drug users and sellers. As country we have become soft and the ones who pay most are the hard working law abiding citizens like your Don.

All I wanted was some damn sinus medicine and look. Look what happened. Its fucking ridiculous. Stop making things harder on the good people of this country law makers. Instead of going for a "quick" mildly effective solution, spend a bit more time and come up with something that greatly effects the users, the sellers, the assholes that deal with Meth, and doesn't effect in a negative way the good people of this country.

Man, don't let me ever become president. If I do, straight up, I'll whip a mother fuckers ass without even thinking.

Out.

The Don's First Beer Review - Alaskan Summer Ale

2006-10-31T12:43:00.000-05:00

Recently my lovely wife returned home from a trip up north to visit family in Anchorage Alaska. When she returned, she brought back a few bottles of local beer from the Alaskan Brewing Co. Deciding to jump on the beer commenting bandwagon, I have decided to review each of the 3 different types of beer she brought back. I have already had one, but that was a year ago, so I will give it another shot. Either way, last night we tried one of the bottles she brought back. Heeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeee we go.

Alaskan Summer Ale

According to the "Flavor Profile" of this Summer Ale on the Alaskan Brewing Co. Website, the beer tastes as follows.

Alaskan Summer Ale balances a softly malted palate with the clean freshness of Hallertauer hops. In the tradition of the style, neither overpowers the other. Both hops and malt come together to refresh and renew the palate. The straw-gold color and easy drinkability are an enjoyable way to celebrate summer.

Fuckin' really? Whatever the flavor profile is supposed to tell me, my American watered down light beer drinking ass enjoyed this brew. Upon receiving my glass from my wife (and telling her next time I wanted service with a smile), I quickly noticed there was no over powering odor. My beer did not smell like a pack of Juicy Fruit, so it had scored already with me. I also noticed its golden color. Clearly I would not need a knife and fork to enjoy my glass of beer. And while I don't have the first goddamned clue as to what hops taste like, or malt tastes like, they were apparently mixed correctly for me in this beer. I despise bitterness in my beer, and while this example had a slight hint of bitterness to it, it wasn't over powering. I think the flavor profile tries to say that in beer dork terms, but I cannot tell. Almost as important, there was not a nasty bitter aftertaste. It was a delightful glass of beer, and I actually wished she was able to bring more home with her. If you're ever in our Northern most state, be sure to check out the Summer Ale. If you are up there in the winter, I guess you will be S.O.L. and you deserve to be if you go to Alaska during the winter.

Coming up, I will review Alaskan Amber. I've actually had this before, but will drink it again before I review it. Also, there is some dark porter or some shit Brenna brought home. I'm sure I will rip that to shreds.

Yankee Fan Remixed

2006-10-20T06:26:00.000-04:00

Last night, my beloved NY Mets fell to the St. Louis Cardinals in game 7 of the NLCS. Congrats to the Cards. They came to play. The Mets had plenty of chances to win in the 4 games they lost. No excuses. The Mets failed to execute. They had the bases juiced in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out and the Mets star player stuck out with his bat on his shoulder. Again, all the credit to the Cardinals. The Mets have a solid core and if they can get some healthy pitching maybe '07 will be the year they break through.

Never the less, once the Mets lost, my biggest concern was Asshole Yankee Fan. And as I write this, at 6:37am Eastern Standard Time I have already had one encounter with Asshole Yankee Fan and I know there are plenty more coming. My initial encounter went like this. A co-worker and non-Yankee/Met Fan asked me if I was ready for my beatdown from Yankee Fans. I said that I'm ready but Yankee Fan has nothing to say technically since they were chucked out of the playoff's a couple weeks back. Then real Yankee Fan who sits near me and also doubles as Asshole Yankee Fan piped up. He said Yankee Fan has nothing to say? "How about 26 World Championships". Fucking perfect. How could I forget when Asshole Yankee Fan (AYF) has to break out the 26 titles to justify them talking shit. I fire back with them living in the past. A defense they love to use against anyone else when they talk about their teams last WS win. Of course this is unacceptable to Yankee Fan. That interrupts his double standard.

So, while your Don has to deal with this BS all day long. Think of me. I'll be looking for Real Yankee Fan as well to a good ole baseball discussion. Show yourselves and counteract your asshole brethren.

*And for the record, I am representing today with my NY Mets Jacket and my NY Mets David Wright Jersey. I haven't seen any Yankee gear around here since they lost.

Yankee Fan - Dissected

2006-10-12T10:42:00.000-04:00

With another early exit from the Post Season this year by the New York Yankees, I figured this was as good a time as ever to break down Yankee Fan. Why you might ask? Because over the past couple of years I have had a shift in teams and in effect fans that I really don't like. Chowd Nation has eclipsed the Yankees for number one on that list. Don't get me wrong, I'm no friend of Yankee Fan in general, but some are legit. Because of this, I decided to break out and dissect Yankee Fan and break them down into two different categories one with a few subcategories. Heeeeeeeere we go.

1.) Real Yankee Fan - By far, real Yankee Fan is the minority. In this day and age, to find a true Yankee Fan is like trying to find a gallon of gas for under $2.00. Good Luck. However, these fans do indeed exist. Locating them is fairly easy as well. Unless they're young, these fans remember the lean '80's and early '90's years of the Yankees. Despite this, they remained fans never jumping to another teams bandwagon only to jump back when business in the B-X picked up. They usually have a story of how they became a Yankee Fan - They're dad or grandpa took them to the games when they were young or watched the games on TV or listened to them on the radio. The bonding between young and old. Maybe their family are lifelong Yankee followers. Maybe as they were getting into baseball they started liking the Yankees for their name, their colors, anything other than the fact they usually win. You can have a great baseball conversation with this type of Yankee Fan. They are knowledgeable about their team currently and in their history (before 1996 that is). These fans will break your balls about your team and such but they respect the fact you might be a Mets Fan, or a Cubs Fan etc. You can joke in return with these fans and its all in fun. They understand that they are not better than everyone else if they are a Yankee Fan.

Its this kind of Yankee Fan that has it tough. The rest of the Yankee Fans give real Yankee Fan a bad name Real Yankee Fan has to suffer all the Anti-Yankee backlash, because the backlash never seems to fall on the fake fans. Real Yankee Fan has to deal with Chowd Fan. As mentioned a few blogs back, Chowd Fan for the most part is an asshole. Chowd Fan is happier if the Yankees don't win the World Series than if the Red Sox do win it. A great example is this. I was talking to my good friend Ken the other day. He is a Real Yankee Fan. We can talk baseball and its always enjoyable. He mentioned how Chowd Fan is piling on saying that the Yanks should win it all because they have the number 1 payroll in MLB. Riiiiiiight. Last time I checked, the Red Sox had the number 2 payroll in MLB. By that logic Chowd Fans team should at least finish second…in their own division. Instead they finished 3rd, but don't let logic get in the way of dumbass Chowd Fan. Chowd Fan will also pile on about the Yankees choking and such. Whether they did or not (they did), what did Boston do? They coughed up a 4 1/2 game lead in like a week, then got done in their yard 5 straight times by the Yanks. They finished what, like 12 or more games back? That is a choke. That is typical Red Sox team too. Strong all year … right up until August hits…then its back in the tank. Anyway, it was things like this that made me sift through all the Yankee BS and separate the groups of fans. Real Yankee Fan should not be treated like other Yankee Fans.

2.) All Other Yankee Fans - I hate to say it, but if I did not break down Yankee Fandom…a stereotype would prevail. And that is this. That Yankee Fan is a fucking asshole. Its Yankee Fans like this that ruin it for the real fans. These fans are the reason for the unprecedented backlash the Yankees receive for being … well Yankees. Lets face it. Being a Yankee Fan is not exactly the toughest thing in the world to be (with the exception real Yankee Fan might have it a bit rougher than the rest). You're a fan of a team that wins all the time for the most part. They average a World Series Championship less than every 5 years. They have an owner that will spend whatever it takes to put together a winner. *Disclaimer* - One of the biggest knocks against the Yankees is the fact their payroll is outrageous. Hey, I agree, BUT nobody is forcing the Marlins owner, or the Royals owner, or the Devil Rays owner to act like they are running a team in Tel Aviv. Any real fan of a team would never say they would not want an owner like George willing to spend to put a winning product together. They may not want his meddling, but they would want his desire to win and put the best product on the field he can. The rest of the crap about George is up for debate.* Lets hit the subcategories now…

A.) Asshole Yankee Fan: Just what the title says, this is Yankee Fan who is a complete asshole. They are arrogant. They make excuses for the Yankees when they lose. They belittle fans of all other teams in a manner other than good natured ribbing. They act superior. These are the fans that act like THEY make the decisions for the Yankees. They act like THEY are playing short, or third, or left when "talking baseball". These are the fans you want to kick in the cocksucker more than anyone else in the world. Also, Real Yankee Fan can also be Asshole Yankee Fan (for those in Crapchester, see Dom in E.R.), but it’s a rare thing.

B.) Wannabe Yankee Fan: This group is usually regulated to the younger generations among us. The ones who don't know much about the team or even the sport yet they are Yankee "Fans" because they know the Yanks are good (usually) and they are popular. These are the people buying the red Yankees hat and the light blue one and the green one and the orange one and the yellow one etc. All adding a bit of "flair" to their supposed favorite team. This might also include female Yankee Fan who likes the team because Jeter is "hot".

C.) New Found Yankee Fan: I'll use an example here from work. This dude one day starts talking baseball to me. I always wear Mets gear so he knows I'm down. He tells me he went to his first baseball game over the weekend…at Yankee Stadium. Hey, I've been to the Stadium and I loved it. You walked in and just felt the baseball history there. Yankees or not, it’s a great place. At that point he decided he was now a Diehard Yankee Fan. Over the course of the next few weeks he started taking on the persona of Asshole Yankee Fan. Talking shit. Acting like he had been a fan forever. Acting like he knows all there is to know about the Yankees. Crapping on me and the Mets just because. When you crack back he gets all defensive and bitches even more.

D.) Fake Ass Yankee Fan: This is Yankee Fan who is only visible when the team is on a winning steak, has a large division lead, or is making waves in the hot stove report. They are also the Fan who you cannot find when the Yanks lose more than 3 games in a row. Nowhere to be found the day after the Yanks get tossed from the playoffs. Nowhere to be found when you might wanna talk a little junk to payback guy for all the crap he has given you.

Whew! While I could go on, these are the major categories of Yankee Fan. And to Yankee Fan…I know a comparison like this can be done for the Fans of every team, its just Yankee Fan tends to go to the extremes. I have yet to meet a Royals Fan, or a Pirates Fan, or a Padres Fan I seriously wanted to bring harm too. Actually I don't think I have ever met a fan from any of those teams but thats besides the point. To all my real Yankee Fans out there, your Yankee brethren all owe you an apology for the stereotype you must face. Keep your heads up and I look forward to talking baseball with you. To the "other" Yankee Fans. Keep your head up too, so we can all land a haymaker right on that collective chin of yours.

Out.

Never Forget Buck O'Neil

2006-10-09T09:44:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, the world lost a former Negro League baseball player, an outstanding baseball guy, and an even better person. Buck O'Neil past away at the age of 94.

Ordinarily I don't really care if a famous person, or a celebrity, or a sports guy passes on. In my little corner of life, they really don't matter because they don't know me, or care about me etc. I'm sure that some of my favorite athletes or actors or musicians knew me on even a slight personal level, they would forget me before I was done talking to them. Knowing what I know about Buck, if he knew me and he remembered me, he would care.

As a baseball fan, Buck means the world to the game of baseball. He lived and played baseball in a time most of us can never imagine or a time we could not relate to. None of us have ever been told we could not attend a certain High School or a certain University because of the color of our skin. None of us have ever been told that despite having the skills, we cannot play baseball at the highest level because of the color of our skin. Buck faced off of that and persevered. He played in the Negro Leagues. In 1962, Buck became the first black coach in baseball when the Cubs hired him. There was a great quote in a story the AP ran about O'Neil's death. "He saw Babe Ruth hit home runs and watched Roger Clemens throw strikes. He talked hitting with Lou Gehrig and Ichiro Suzuki."

Buck never slowed down. He embodied baseball and he spent every day of his life living baseball. Most of us as kids dream of doing something like that, he actually did. Whether he was helping to make known and keep alive the memory of the Negro Leagues or just talking baseball to any number of a group of kids, he was right at home. Baseball could not have had a better ambassador then Buck.

This past February, a 12 person committee was formed for the sole purpose of voting on whether or not Negro League players (and pre- Negro League players) should be in the hall of fame. I don't think anyone who knew Buck thought he would be left off that list…but he was. I have no idea who sat on this 12 person committee, but they should be shot. He fell one vote short of being voted in. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig should have put him in right after that vote came up. He didn't. Buck never even worried about not being selected for the Hall. It rolled off his back like everything else. Incredible. If Bud Selig has any class (and this might be a long shot) he will use his power as Commissioner to allow Buck O'Neil to enter the Hall of Fame. Something that should have been done when Buck was alive.

In early November, a 95th birthday part was scheduled for Buck. Celebrities, baseball figures, friends etc were all to attend. The Newspaper says the party is still on, but it will be a tribute instead. Good for them. It will be a shame if Buck's memory dies with him. Baseball and all sports in general need more faces like Buck O'Neil around. At a time when sports seems to be about greed, illegal performance enhancing drugs, off field incidents, and god knows what else, guys like Buck help you remember everything good about the game that you love.

Amber Alert! MLB Style

2006-10-04T10:03:00.000-04:00

Taking a break from piling on Soccer (and if you want some personal amusement, you can see Soccer Fan right here (the action starts almost half way down and goes on for quite awhile) getting completely bent out of shape because a friend of mine posted a link to my blog on the Rhinos forum), I thought I would bring up a very concerning matter among fans of baseball. Where has Chowd Nation gone?

Since 18AUG, Chowd Fan has been harder and harder to find. Since the MLB Playoff's started yesterday, they have all but disappeared. It was just two short years ago that the Red Sox won the World Series and Chowd Fan was seemingly everywhere. During the World Series you couldn't walk 20 feet without seeing some girlie sporting a brandy new Red Sox hat, or some dude with a new red sox hat driving over it, washing it, tearing it etc. trying to make it look like he has had the hat for years proving he is a true fan. Because of this, I'm issuing an Amber Alert…MLB Style.

Now I will be the first to say, the world is a much better place with Chowd Nation missing. There is not a more annoying, pathetic, malcontent, fraudulent group of fans in sports today. From their slogans of "Cowboy Up" to their even more ridiculous "sand in their clit" crybaby "Why Not Us" crap these fans should stay missing. They did make a small appearance in September to back Big Papi's cries that he deserves the MVP and Derrick Jeter doesn't. Right. This is just another thing that pisses me off about Chowd Fan and player because they make me stick up for the Yankees. Jeter is a solid player, has 4 rings, has his team in contention for the World Series, contends for a batting title, has almost a hundred RBI's from the 2 hole…oh and he plays the most demanding position on the field, short stop. All while Papi bats .270 with 50 bombs (and yes, that impressive) but he does it hitting in front of ManRam. I wonder what Ortiz's numbers would be if he was batting ahead of say Mark Loretta. Oh, and Dave doesn't own a glove. Shut your piehole Dave and Chowd Fan. The late season tank job your team masterfully completed down the stretch was just perfect and I would have to say that a real MVP would have stepped up and stopped the bleeding. And spare me the injury talk. The Mets roster has been in shambles for the better part of the year. The Yankees were playing with a handful of rookies long before the made the trade for Abreu. And I really don't want to hear how bad it was losing Varitek. Dude was hitting .240 with about a dozen bombs. Not exactly an offensive catalyst and his injured ass can still be a team leader while his ass in on the bench. I never thought I would find a group of fans who I couldn't stand more than Yankee Fans. Of course there are legit fans of both teams and I enjoy talking baseball to them (my man Ken G. here in Rochester being one of the few legit Yankee Honks I know - You have to be to sport a pink Yankee shirt in public), but Chowd Nation has just send everything over the falls. However, being the Humanitarian that I am, I am concerned for their well being. I would much rather know they are in hiding with their tail between their legs, than completely missing.

To help out, I have started searching high and low for the Chowds. I've rounded up some fellow concerned individuals and I have even started a campaign involving pictures and milk cartoons. Please keep an eye out, and if you see them contact the number shown!

Rochester Soccer Fan's - You Got What You Deserved

2006-10-02T07:51:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday Night, Rochester Soccer Fans got exactly what they deserved…a shutout loss in the championship game of the USL Division 1 Soccer League. The Rochester Raging Referees did not achieve the holy grail of of all aspiring Soccer Champions.....they did not get the big pouch of Capri Sun and they did not get those yummy Sunkist Oranges.

Despite a lackluster new home stadium and a season filled with ties, the referees managed to still make it to the finals where they were cut down by the Vancouver Whitecaps. Hey, losing in Soccer is better than winning, but not to a team filled with players with names like Gord, Logan, Liam, Cole, Aiden, and Horton. Perfect. A non-sellout crowd of 9,547 fans sat in the cold and rain and watched the Whitecraps score 3 goals and their goal blocker guy drink up Timmy H coffee all night while Crapchester's sputtering offense completely shit the bed. And wait a minute. Not even a sellout crowd for the Championship game? What is this, an Atlanta Braves Home Playoff game? Here in "Soccer Town USA" we couldn't even sellout the game? Surely the cold and rain would have kept a large number of the local hoods the inside making that stroll through the ghetto to get to the stadium a tad bit safer.

All I know is that another shitty Soccer season has ended. Thankfully. Now I will have more time to focus on the fact that the giant aluminum abortion that the Rhino's play in, is a complete waste of money. This thing makes the Fast Ferry seem like a good idea. So Ref's, Soccer Fans, and all associated things like Violence, murder, riots, looting, shooting, blood bombs, urine bombs, ole chants, eat it. Soccer sucks. The Rhinos blew it (first team to lose at home in the title game). And you all got what you deserved.

Out.

I Admit it - I'm a Heartless Prick!

2006-09-25T06:46:00.000-04:00

It's no secret that I'm not the most politically correct guy around. Its also no secret that my human compassion is selective at best. With that said, let me say that I am sick and mother fucking tired hearing about Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans, and anything else involved. Yes, it was a terrible tragedy. Yes, it could have been avoided in part. Yes, you can blame the feds, you can blame the state and local government's (as I do) it doesn't matter. Fact is, its been over a fucking year already. I get the fact that it was America's worst Natural Disaster ever. I get that it devastated not only an entire city but a region as well and my heart goes out to all those affected. Your Don even contributed money to one of the charitable foundations, and I even coughed up to a foundation to help the animals effected (see, I'm not heartless - Oh, and if someone left their pets behind, they should be shot dead on sight. Leaving an animal behind is reprehensible), but its time to move on. Nobody was forced to populate a city that sits 42 feet below sea level and sits on the ocean with a big ass lake on the other side. The Levee's were not going to upgrade themselves, human perseverance should have got this done…especially since talk of the "Big Storm" to hit New Orleans has been ongoing since we were all in short pants. Nobody was forced to abandon well over 200 school buses that could have been used to haul people out of harms way. And what has brought this rant on is this. Tonight, the Saints and NFL Football return to NOLA - To a revamped Superdome. Mike and Mike on the Radio are going on and on and on about football's return. What it means to the people. What it means to the city. What it means is that a shitty NFL dome stadium was upgraded because half of it fell down in the Hurricane. It means the residents will start getting fleeced again over the ridiculous cost of an NFL game. Its not like the NFL is returning a few weeks or a month after. Its been over a year. I've heard about all I need to hear about the NOLA tragedy. I don't care of the NFL is returning, if the skanks are heading back to the French Quarter, the Marcello Family is returning to reclaim their underworld reigns, or if the Mets get stuck with their shitty Triple AAA team for an affiliate. It comes down to this. Katrina was a great tragedy. Millions of people have lost and suffered. Reconstruction is well underway. No matter what, a lot of people will get shafted by the government or insurance companies or someone else. NOLA will never be the same. Now shut the fuck up about it and press on.

Farewell Refreshing AM Radio in Rochester

2006-09-14T10:27:00.000-04:00

For my regular readers…if I have any, a few posts back I blogged about "Refreshing AM Radio in Rochester". And yes, since Brad Davies left for browner pastures in Houston the 9am to 12pm local sports show time slot has been filled for the most part with excellent fill in hosts. Among these are Davies show producer Dan Berello, Carl Faulk, and another guy who works the Sunday Morning Bullpen on Sundays with Berello but I forget his name. For the purposes of continuity he will be "That Guy". There were other hosts as well. Some guy from Syracuse filled in a few times. Some old guy they called "coach" filled in. I think this guy was the "coach" when the 4 Horsemen were still riding, but thankfully he wasn't around but a couple days.

I listened to each main fill in host and they all did a really good job. I saw it as auditions because they went all out trying to secure guests, have good discussions, show they could excel as a host. Faulk, Berello, and That Guy all did well and I would have been fine with either of them landing the gig.

Dan Berello: Also known as Dan Digler (and no, I never heard why and if its because he has a huge crank…I'm better off not knowing) may have done the best job in my opinion. Fresh sports talk. The regular callers all are familiar with him. The show ran smooth as was actually entertaining. Unlike when that asscan Brad Davies was in. I don't have a clue as to what sports teams Dan prefers and that’s a good thing. After Davies constant schilling for the Giants, Rangers, Knicks, and Braves (wtf?), its nice to hear middle of the road sports talk. As a bonus, Dan is up to speed on Mulberry St. and some Mafia knowledge. Dan would get a vote from the Don.

Carl Faulk: When Davies was around, I loved with Carl guest hosted. Carl is a Mets Fan and we all know it. It was nice to get some Mets talk that didn't include how their pitching staff was broken or how David Wright "sucks". Despite clearing having a favorite team that we all knew about, Carl was very fair about the material he talked about. The show was not dominated by Mets talk or how the Mets are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Even with Mets commentary he kept the show moving. Something Braves "Fan" Davies could never do. He had a good energy and made the show fun. A complete 180 from when that Utica reject Davies was on the air.

That Guy - Its killing me that I cannot recall his name. This guy was another voice of reason in the Brad Davies era. A diehard Yankee Fan, he always stepped up to Davies when he would start bashing the Mets especially David Wright. Hey, its still NY Baseball. I like that. Like the other 3, he had a good energy and made the show fun. I would not have shed any tears if the Yankee Fan who owns a David Wright Jersey got the job.

If you're still reading and you know me, you're probably using your astute judgment to assume that none of the above landed the job. And you would be right. A week and a half ago or so I heard a commercial on WHTK with John DiTullio. What in the blue fuck is this? I know he is a "sports guy" around town and did the sports on 96.5's Brother Wease Show (and don't even get me started on that) but to get his own show? I never heard him once carry 3 hours. At this point, the only think I know about Johnny-D is that because he French's Wease's balls is probably the only reason he got the job. Listening to this guy talk is painful. He sounds like a Wease wannabe with that raspy voice but worse. Have you ever bumped into that 83 year old woman who is a 57 year veteran of smoking? You know that voice right? That’s DiTullio. Its like O.J. Simpson carved up his throat then some back woods doctor used constantina wire to stitch him back together. Its just brutal. Plus he is a Yankee Fan. What Western NY Dago isn't right? Well, except for me anyway.

I tried to keep positive about this though. By last weekend I had forgotten all about this. Monday morning though, reality came crushing in on me like one of the Fat Boys rolling off a couch. I had my radio on at work as I always do listening to Mike and Mike. At 9am the station drops the Mike and Mike feed to start their own local show. I wasn't paying attention to the time when my radio went to shit. All I heard was brutal static. AM radio isn't exactly FM Stereo quality sound to begin with, so this wasn't new to me. Plus working in a RF Communications Company I catch interference all the time over the AM bands. It was different this time though. I moved my radio around. I repositioned the antenna. I moved away anything that might cause interference. I drop kicked my radio and gave it a flying plancha for good measure and nothing. Just a sound of static and scratching in an epic battle for superiority. My ears were going nuts. Nothing was making it go away…fuck - Its John Ditullio. The Brother Wease Graveytrain rider has arrived.

Once I pulled out the exacto knives that I slammed into my ears and took a couple valium's I calmed down and tried to listen to the show. It fucking sucks. The only thing good is he keeps a leash on the callers. This is important when that walking Italian stereotype from E.R. Dom calls. Somebody sanction a hit on that guy already. Seriously Dom. Calling the Buffalo Bills "Flubbalo" is NOT clever. Its actually pretty lame. Take your weak smack to your Cleveland Browns circle jerk and leave it there, but I digress. In a stunning display of creativeness, Johnny-Boy has come up with his "Douche Bag of the Week". Brilliant. Way to jack Mike and Mike's "Just Shut-up" award and turn it into complete crap. You know who should win the Douche Bag of the year award? John DiTullio of course. I mean hell, it sounds like he has a couple dried up (used of course) douche bags lodged in his throat.

After the Brad Davies era, how can they user in a new era with this guy? In John's promo's for the show, he says "I've been living in Rochester for NINE years now, and I have always wanted my own show". Really? I've living in Rochester for 23 of my 30 years and I'd love to have my own show yet the monkey isn't dropping me a line! Maybe I could stat my "Dillweed of the week" award to have that catchy gimmick the public will just sink their teeth into. Perhaps I could give Wease oral a couple times a day and form my own "throat condition" to sound like I had a tracheotomy performed by Michael J. Fox. The easiest thing to do would be to just wait it out. Too bad the regular callers are all kissing his ass to get more air time and I just don't see another city beating a path to Johnny's door trying to steal him away anytime soon.

Things come and go and apparently it just wasn't refreshing am radio's time here in Crapchester. In the meantime I will be trying to figure out how to get reception for my Sirius radio here at work. I'm 150 plus feet from the nearest window. Hopefully I will be bestowed with a flash of brilliance and come up with an easy solution. God help me if I have to resort to FM radio for 3 hours a day again. Thanks for nothing 1280 WHTK.

War permanent laryngitis for John Ditullio.

Swing Pitcha Pitcha Pitcha Swing!

2006-09-13T07:54:00.000-04:00

For as long as I have watched the great game of baseball, one thing has always bothered me. Why in the blue hell can't pitchers hit? Look, I'm not saying that pitchers need to be Ted Williams or Ryan Howard at the plate but unless its Dontrell Willis or Mike Hampton at the plate the pitcher/batter looks like one of Jerry's Kid's trying to hit a 95mph heater.

As the World Series swiftly approaches, it always touched off the argument involving the Designated Hitter. As a baseball purist I drop the DH rule just ahead of sipping on a colostomy bag milk shake. If you don't own a glove you shouldn't be at the plate swinging away. I know there are those that like it, but they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground much less baseball. Having the pitchers hit adds a whole other level of strategy to the game. It makes it more interesting, more entertaining. The thing is though, why do pitchers look ridiculous at the plate?

When I played Little League Baseball, the pitchers were usually some of the best hitters (and fielders) on the team. In High School Baseball the pitchers were usually again some of the best hitters on the team. When I watch the Little League World Series the pitchers tear it up with the bat in their hands. So what happens between High School and say the Majors/Minors. I know the Minors have the DH rule (what the hell for), shouldn't pitchers have to learn how to bunt and shit? I'm not too failure with the college game (PIIIIINNNNGGGGG), but I think they have a DH too.

I get the fact that pitchers need to concentrate on pitching and that’s where their focus is. However these guys pitch once every 5 days. You mean to tell me that cannot pick up a stick a couple times over that span and get a little BP in? That they cannot make that a regular thing? If you throw in the A.L. I can see not wasting your time, but in the N.L. being proficient with the stick will only help yourself (as the pitcher) in the game. Maybe I just don't get it. I know that if I was managing an N.L. team I'd be lining my pitchers at least the starters up for daily BP. If Dontrell Willis can bat 7th in the Marlins lineup, then other pitchers around the league can step it up too.

http://abolishthedh.stonegauge.com

Your Don - A Nuclear Terrorist???

2006-09-05T10:03:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I had a run in with the coppers. Not for something like racketeering, extortion, gambling or anything like that. Nope. Apparently I was posing a threat to the Ginna Nuclear Power Facility here in Rochester New York.

The Saturday started out innocent enough. The remnants of Tropical Storm Ernesto were engulfing the Western NY area leaving us with a steady rain and gray, gloomy overcast sky's. Days like this are good for 2 things. Staying in bed or lounging on the couch all day or talking a drive. Yup. For some strange reason, when it sucks outside, the wife and I like to jump in the ole Cadillac errrrr Pontiac and cruise. This past Saturday's adventure set heading East out of Fairport and eventually North. For some strange reason we wanted to head towards Lake Ontario.

The drive was uneventful. I mean how many meth labs can one drive by being manned by some crack thin dude in a wife beater in 315 land before you just can't take it any more? As we neared the lake, I decided that maybe I would try and find the Nuclear Power Plant. Brenna had never seen it. And lets face it, growing up in Alaska and Missouri, seeing the feat that is modern Nuclear Technology is quite the treat.

Do to my astute navigational skills, when the road we were on came to a "T", dead ahead was Ginna . As traffic was nil at the time, we sat there for a second looking at it as I pointed some things out. Then we notice the gate right ahead of us manned by some jerk-off reservist in his mismatched Kevlar gear. I said "we should probably go before he gets my plate number and calls it in." How prophetic am I? We break left and drive a touch still checking out the facility and still looking for a road to get us near the lake. We happen upon a driveway that appears to be some type of construction entrance. Maybe for a construction company or whatever. We figure we might be able to get near the lake as well as a better view of the plant. After driving a few hundred feet its pretty evident it doesn't lead anywhere but to the plant and off to the side is a HMWVEE with another reservist in there dicking off. At that point we turn around and high tail it out of there, noticing all the security cameras on the light poles. Ah well I figured. No harm done. As we turn onto the main road here comes a State Trooper in his Blazer or Suburban flying down the other side of the road angrily pointing for me to pull over. Perfect. I should have been home…in bed.

Officer Friendly roles up on the car and asks if I know why he pulled me over. Fighting the overwhelming urge to retort with some smart ass remark, I simply say "no officer I don't". He proceeds to tell me that I was trespassing on Military Land. Since 9/11 all Nuclear Facilities have been taken over by the military. Hey, sounds good to me, but how in the blue fuck am I supposed to know Nuclear Power Plants now reside on "military land"? There are no "no trespassing" signs anywhere and being former military any military land I have even seen has been marked as such…so one would know. He asks for my ID. He asks for Brenna's and of course she doesn't have it on her. I was waiting for the cop to explode, but he just took my ID and went back to his vehicle.

After a few minutes, Friendly is on his way back to the car. Looking in my mirror it looks like he has his ticket book with him. Now I'm about to go into my own Thermal Nuclear Meltdown if I get a friggin' ticket, however its just a note bad. He confirms my name, telephone number, address whatever and Bren's as well. Again with the trespassing lecture however he was fairly cool about it saying they have been requesting the military, the government, the plant whatever to put up signs to people know. He let us know that our info would be turned over to some anti-terrorism task force. You gotta be kidding me. I'm a Veteran damnit. The copper coughs up my I.D. back and bids us farewell.

All in all it could have been worse I guess. Its good to know that security is diligent around something as sensitive as a Nuclear Power Plant, however while Brenna and your Don were being harassed, Akmed, Scandar, Muhammad and Akbar were all casing the joint while the two Americans (one a veteran ;) ) were getting gaffled by one-time.

I have now been harassed looking at Airplanes on a beach in NYC near JFK and now driving near a Nuclear Power Plant. Looks like I better not wear my Timothy McVay mask for Halloween this year. At least not until all this blows over.

(BEEP) Edited (BEEEEEP) Songs

2006-08-31T09:47:00.000-04:00

Let me start out by saying that I LOVE Satellite radio. From someone who despises terrestrial radio, SR is probably the best thing since Cable Television and $1.99 4 hour porn compilations. It's almost impossible to have SR and not love it. It has more choices than one would possibly know what to do with. For me personally as a Sirius Subscriber, I get Howard Stern and Bubba The Love Sponge. As a huge old school rap music fan, I get Backspin 43. A channel dedicated entirely to the old school. I'm also down with the 80's channel, the 60's channel, and the Gold channel as well. Of course I'm down with Sirius Love for those special occasions in the car in the Target parking lot as well but I digress.

As with anything, nothing is perfect. SR is no exception. However I am going to focus on one aspect right now. Backspin 43 - My old school haven. I'm not going to bitch about the fact their play list tends to be limited and repetitive despite having 20 plus years of good old school to choose from. No, my beef is with the fact that they play the edited versions of some songs.

See, I play 12.95 a month so I can here unedited radio. Whether its Stern. The Wiseguy show (Mafia Wiseguy) on RawDog, or Old School favorites on backspin 43. And don't get it twisted. While my man might say I like rap music because of the swearing…that’s not the case. I swear. However, if a song has a swear work in it, or some type of unsavory saying, I do not want it bleeped out. I'm a grown ass man paying to hear this service. I don't pay for HBO to watch an edited version of "Bad Boys II" ya heard? I mean that would cut out half the dialog and the movie would lose something. And see, not every song is edited on backspin and that might drive me even more insane. The perfect example of this is as follows. They play the edited version of "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. Ole Grandmaster Melle-Mel doesn't curse at all in this track, however they bleep out the word "pissing". "People piBLEEEEEEEEEP on the stairs, you know they just don't care…". Really? I have to hear a "beep" because they want to bleep out "pissing"? Its not like the unedited version (a term I use very loosely) isn't available like ohhhhh everywhere. So after hearing this song one day, they follow it up with "Straight Outta Compton" by N.W.A. A song that has "fuck" in some form or another more times than anything, and it was unedited. Here is Verse 1.

Straight outta Compton crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube
From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes
When I'm called off I got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger and bodies are hauled off
You too boy if ya fuck with me
The police are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo ass that's how I'm goin out
For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out
Niggaz start to mumble, they wanna rumble
Mix em and cook em in a pot like gumbo
Goin off on a motherfucker like that
with a gat that's pointed at yo ass
So give it up smooth
Ain't no tellin when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a murder rap to keep yo dancin
with a crime record like Charles Manson
AK-47 is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool
Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that I'm down with the capital C-P-T
Boy you can't fuck with me
So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck
As I leave, believe I'm stompin
but when I come back, boy, I'm comin straight outta Compton

Wow. Lets edit "pissing" then follow it up with the uncut Compton cut. And hey, I like that song. I don't want to hear the edited version. I don't want to hear a track from Uncle Luke edited. "pop that ….. Pop pop that …." or "face down "hey" up, that’s the way we like to "hey"". I don't want to hear Everlast edited out for "smacking the hoe".

Seriously, if I wanted to hear the edited versions of songs, I'd save my skrilla every month and just listen to terrestrial radio and find a channel (good luck) that plays what I want to hear. That means I would go back to burning CD after CD of what I want to hear. This means I would be stealing more and more music and the RIAA would come after me. At that point I would then (in true pass the buck fashion) blame Sirius for including edited records in their play lists. Ya hear me Sirius. Watch out now. I'd hate for the RIAA to be unleashed upon thee. Not that it would ever happen, but for the sake of my rant, its perfect.

As SR continues to grow and improve, here's to hoping that one thing they square away is this BS involving edited tracks. Look, if I don't want my kid (should I have one) listening to bad language I will block out the channels he might encounter it on his receiver. Yes, as a parent I would actually take responsibility to teaching my kid! Anyway, help my neck twitch go away…give me people pissing on the stairs because they just don't care!!!

Oh The Horror - Smoking in Tom and Jerry Cartoons!

2006-08-23T08:37:00.000-04:00

I'm 30 years old and I love Cartoons. I have no shame in admitting that. However I like the classics. Scooby Doo. Warner Brothers (Bug Bunny, Road Runner, Daffy Duck, Foghorn Leghorn etc). Hanna Barbara. I even love some 80's cartoons. G.I. Joe. Voltron (to a point), and especially The Transformers. But recently one of my all time favorite classics is now coming under fire. And no, its not Bugs Bunny for the way they portrayed a couple of Japanese Characters back in the late 40's or early 50's. No, this time its Tom & Jerry!

Across the pond in Britain, Tom & Jerry have come under fire after complaints about smoking that is seen in their cartoons. WHAT? This from the country that collectively masturbates over telling Americans we over react to everything? They get off on bitching about the fact we always sue each other. They complain about our policies, our country etc like it effects them any. This country is now the proving ground for removing smoking from a couple of Tom and Jerry Cartoons well over 50 years old? Perfect. Perhaps they should take some of that free time they have on their hands and mix in a trip or twenty to the dentist to get their chompers looked at. The world just keeps sinking lower and lower.

Don't get me wrong. I find smoking reprehensible. I find nothing at all redeeming about it. Its gross, its disgusting. There aren't too many things worse than sucking face with some chick who is a smoker. It's like licking a bubbling tar pit. Hell, taking a look at some chick with a heater hanging out of her dick holster or dangling in one of her cock tongs is far from a turn-on. However, in the anti-smoking campaign that I proudly support, there is such a thing as taking it too far. I have the complete T&J cartoon set on DVD. Smoking included. There are a handful of cartoons that have smoking. You know, Texas Tom the Cowboy rolling up a heater in front of a hot cowgirl cat in which he takes a big puff and exhales the word "HOWDY". Then there is Tom's buddy/enemy, the alley cat who is sucking on a stogie that looks like the end exploded. Look, I'm all about sending the right message to kids. Smoking is wrong. It should be minimal if at all in movies and such. But smoking in a cartoon more than 50 years old…let it go. I watched T&J all through my childhood and never once did it make me want to go grab a heater and see if I could exhale "howdy" for the chickie-babe down the street. Just like it never made me want to get a shotgun and take shots at a mouse, or start a fireworks war, or try and slice up a mouse with a sword etc. Just another perfect example of political correctness screwing things up for the rest of us yet again.

Oh, and there is a simple solution to this. And unlike in Britain, it doesn't involve removing all smoking for T&J cartoons and (check that AND) reviewing all cartoons for smoking references. Actually, the solution is for the parents to actually take responsibility for the actions of their children and teach them correctly. I know if a kid is going to smoke, they are going to smoke or try it etc. But how simple is it for a parent to educate their kid on smoking…especially when it is seen on a 50 plus year old cartoon. Its not that difficult to explain that 1.) its just a cartoon and 2.) don't do it. Its for entertainment purposes only. Much the same way a parent (hopefully) would explain that a murder in a movie is not okay, but its just a story and not real. However, that doesn't make it acceptable to go out and whack someone.

All I can do is shake my head over all of this. Well done Britain. What, was rioting over Soccer getting a little boring so you thought this would be a great diversion? Go ahead and eat your fish and chips, drink your warm beer, oh, and leave cartoons alone.

Refreshing AM Radio in Rochester

2006-08-10T09:58:00.000-04:00

For the past week and a half or so, the radio waves here in Rochester New York has been remarkably better than they have been for years. Why you might ask? That’s easy. It's because the "local" host of a sports radio talk show from 9am to 12pm is no longer on the air. The Brad Davies Show is no more on Rochester's only Sports Talk Station - 1280 WHTK. And while its unfortunate that Brad basically received a promotion as he took a new job in Houston Texas, at least he and his lame show are no longer on the Rochester Airwaves.
If you have never heard of this asscan, you're probably asking yourself what's my beef with him? Well, the list could go on and on, but I will drop a few here. Oh, and I hate this guy so much that I would rather console Terry Tiffee after making his 4th error of the game to cost the Redwings a spot in the playoff's than be forced to piss on Brad Davies if he was on fire. Anyway, I digress.
1.) If you are going to have a legitimate Sports Talk Show, you cannot be bias or at least show bias. Mr. Davies failed greatly at this. Dude is from Uttica where he had a talk show until Rochester came calling, however this Uttica native has a favorite team in each of the 3 major sports…and hockey. He was never shy about pimping them. Attacking listeners who had opinions that went against his own (in relation to his team), and he spent a lot of time bashing the local favorite teams. The only exception were the Buffalo Bills. He never bashed them like he did say the Yankees (at one point), the Mets this year etc.
2.) In conjunction with #1, Brad Davies is what you would call a fair weather fan. At least on one of his teams. Lets take a look at his favorite teams. In Hockey he is a NY Rangers Fan. In Basketball, he is a NY Knicks Fan. And while those teams are far from impressive, his criticism of them is usually lost by his excuse making as to why they suck. In Football, he is a NY Giants Fan. Now I know what you're thinking. "This guy is a bastion of NY sports" right? Wrong. Dudes Favorite Baseball team is the NY errrrrrrr Atlanta Braves. That’s right sports fans. Mr. NY Sports is a "diehard" Braves Fan. Right. Now I know we all have our stories about why we like certain teams. Generally I have been fans of teams from all over the country. Brad however seems to like ALL NY Sports except baseball. Mr. Davies is around 34 years old, so lets drop back about 15 years. The Braves are emerging as a perennial power while the Yankees were mired in mediocrity and the Mets were on a downward swing. 19 year old Bradley jumped on the Braves Bandwagon. I'm surprised he didn't blow out a knee in doing so. Scumbag. He has spent his time on the air here in Rochester attacking Chowd Nation (well, that’s okay). Last year he spent the year piling on the Yankees and their fans. This year with the emergence of the Mets as a powerhouse again, he has been all over the Mets team, the mets players and the Mets Fans. All while continually pimping the Braves or making excuses for them. The way this guy talks about the Braves one would think they have won 10 of the last 14 World Series. Never mind the fact they cannot sell out their own yard for a playoff game. Never mind the fact the Braves have no Third Basemen, what with Larry hurt yet again when he can pile on budding Superstar David Wright. Even one of Davies co-hosts who is a Yankees Honk is a Wright Fan because he likes the kid, his game, and doesn't need to bash him because he is a rival. Listening to one sided Sports takes with a fair weather twist got old and ridiculous. The best Brad Davies Shows were the ones Brad Davies weren’t a part off.

3.) The Show Format Sucks. The only good feature about the show was his weekly call form Bruce Markinson - formerly of the Baseball Hall of Fame. Dude knows more info about baseball past and present that I could ever hope to know and he was a great interview. Davies Friday Football "Spectacular" where he spent the show taking callers pics (4 of them) for the upcoming NFL games was dull and boring. His recycled takes and stolen show bits and ideas from other broadcasters were tired and lame. I almost wish I could hear his show in Houston. His fair-weather attitude and lame gimmicks are not going to last in the 7th biggest market in the country.
4.) Brad is not funny. He acts otherwise, but he just wasn't funny. I get that it’s a sports show and not laughfest at the Apollo, but that didn't stop him from acting like and thinking he was funny.

I could go on and on. While we wait to hear who will be the official replacement for Brad here in Rochester, I'm giving my vote to Ben Turchen (I know I spelled the lat name wrong) because this dude gets it. He has been hosting all week and on Monday he was talking about although he is a Yankees Fan, he cannot show bias towards them if he is going to operate a major (for this market) sports talk show. I also saw that as a shot against that dilznik Davies as well…and I loved it.
Whoever ends up replacing Davies here in Craptown won't have to do too much to eclipse what Davies left behind. Things that include a fair weather syndrome. A litter of pathetic insults against the Mets and Yankees and their Fans. Lame takes. Worse jokes. Before I go, let me just say one final thing…..
Houston, you have a problem and here it is…

Coming Soon!

More info on Craptowns Soccer Debacle errrr Stadium
Some Wedding Photos
More Useless Opinions of Mine

The Don Attends a Soccer Game - Somebody Should Get Whacked.

2006-06-20T09:20:00.000-04:00

Greetings. Before I start my Soccer Takes, let me say this. You are either reading this on the Airliners.net Forums or you are reading it on my Blog. If there is a reference you don't understand, it may be directly related to one or the other. Just don't want anyone to get hung up on something…especially when I am lambasting Soccer. Also, I don't want to hear how bad you think baseball sucks etc. Start a thread. This is about me giving Soccer a chance. I know that Soccer Fan's only comeback to to bash baseball whether they know it, understand it, or have seen it or not. At least Iknow Soccer, understand Soccer, and have seen Soccer.

As many of you already know, after years of vexatious urging, LHMark finally got me to attend a Soccer Game. Saturday - 17JUN is a day that will live in its own infamy around here. My abhorrence of Soccer is not a secret with anyone who knows me. However, I went in with a clear mind (as well as Kevlar body armor and *911 all cued up on the celly) to give Soccer a fair shot.

The evening got underway with a small tailgate in one of the parking lots. Ironically, it’s the parking lot I use when I got to baseball games and there was a baseball game that night. The urge to grab my nuts and man up and see a real sport was overwhelming, but I fought it off. The tailgate lasted about 5 minutes seeing as the logistical master that LHMark is, never called me to let me know when he was getting there etc. By the time I get the genius on the horn and found out the game plan, its past 6pm, game time 7 something. Off to the stadium Brenna and I go. That’s right, fellow Soccer hater Brenna was coming along too, because I was not going through this alone. As we approached the exit off the Expressway for the Stadium, the traffic was backed up more than LHMark after eating a Louisville Slugger and a Foot Long Hebrew National. I thought I would go down a few exits, turn around, and get off in the other direction…apparently there were about 3,000 other extremely intuitive people who all had the same idea. Fuckers. A baseball game and a Soccer game on the same night at the same time. Brilliant. I ended up getting off in the hood. I had Bren load the gat. Turned up the rap music and tilted my hat sideways. Yes…I blend. After getting some Rand McNally-esque directions from Mark, I find a spot to park and we start our 3 or 4 block walk to where Mark and his crew are. The walk wouldn't have been bad, if it wasn't about 94 degrees out. By the time we find Mark, we have enough time to throw down a couple beers real quick then gear up to leave for the walk to the Soccer Stadium. And its not like Mark was sporting any good beer either. I had to ruin my body with German Beer. Oh the horrors…Mark even has pictures.

The Crew

Me ruining my stellar physique with a German Beer.

PAETEK Park - We managed not to get assaulted on our way to the stadium. Once we get there, my initial thoughts of the stadium were all true and then some. It looks like a giant robot stopped in the Crapchester ghetto and took a big aluminum shit that came out looking like a Soccer Stadium. Apparently the stadium is still incomplete, as they plan on adding another upper deck to one side of the stadium - once they can bend the taxpayers over for more money. Of course Mark splurged for the tickets on the one side that does indeed have an upper deck. Should have known better. On our way to find out seats….we are held up in a mass of people as the Soccer teams need to take the field. The entrance "tunnel" that lacks any characteristics of a tunnel went right across the concourse. Excellent planning. Whose bright idea was this? LOT's? This break in action though, did give me a chance to notice that the offices of the stadium as well as the merchandise shot were both being run out of…trailers. Fucking perfect. What, there wasn't enough aluminum left over to build a storage shed that could double as the team store?
Once the players finally dragged their asses on the field (and hey, who actually wants to get out there and play Soccer?), we were underway again in search of our seats. On the way, Mark stops and buys a Keg Can of Heineken. 6 bucks. 6 fucking dollars for 12 oz. of beer. Who in the blue hell is in charge of concessions here? George Steinbrenner? After giving the concession's a few looks and deciding I didn't want to eat anything off of a cart, we started to head up to the upper deck. The stairwell was a blast from the past. I think they used recycled aluminum foil to build it, and I won't lie, I thought I was climbing up a few stories to get to the waterslides at the local amusement park. Wait, waterslides are fun. This is Soccer…Soccer isn’t fun. Must be the heat. We climb past the "Suites" with fake grass rugs and some multipurpose folding chairs and reach our level. Bren and I need a beer. $5.50 for a 16 ounce plastic bottle of Bud Light. God I miss Frontier Field. God I miss Baseball. God I miss my manhood that I lost at the entrance gate. But I digress. Right about now, Mark made a masterful observation. When they gave me my plastic bottle of beer, they kept the cap. Apparently so you cannot go Soccer Fan and fill the bottle up with piss, cap it up and throw it at someone. However, they gave him his keg can of beer unopened. That thing is as solid as a 3 day old growler and could do a lot more damage than my plastic bottle. Gotta Love Soccer Logic.

View of the surrounding neighborhood - Just out of site are the muggings.

Finally, we start the climb to our seats. Jesus the steps are at an 8degree angle. Misstep and you are going down no doubt. Here's our row. Sweet, there isn't enough legroom to sit there comfortably, much less walk by people on the way to your own seat. As we sit down, I suddenly feel like I'm 4 years old sitting in a booster seat at a restaurant. I think the city bought up all the used booster seats from the area Pizza Hut's, gave'em a hideous paint job and installed them. LHMark warned me that the announcer who pretty much doesn't shut his piehole all game would get on my nerves and sure enough he had. The game hadn't even begun. I'm already looking at my watch thinking I would rather be a fluffer in a gay gangbang film…but CastleIsland already has that job so I'm stuck.

Tip-Off, or Face-Off, or is it Kick-Off…ah screw it. The game starts. Gotta love games played on fake grass…"but it looks real". Something even more disturbing was that on the fake grass, whenever a player kicked the ball…fake dirt went flying as well. WTF? During this time, Marked befriended some lady and her husband sitting next to him and proceeded to let her know I hated Soccer, liked baseball etc. Well, it was clear that she was truly a child of Satan because she bashed baseball and tried to talk up Soccer. How you can talk up Soccer at a Raging Referee's Game (errrr Rhino's but help me out here. The teams colors are sinus infection green and yellow, yet their jerseys are white with black stripes), with the various selections from "Jock Jams", "Party Hits of the 90's" and "Worst Dance Music Ever" CD's playing constantly? Oh wait, back to the field…some guys are kicking the ball back and forth to each other - yawn.

A few minutes into the game…it happened. Commercials on the big video scoreboard. Now wait a second. While the game is going on, on the field…they are playing commercials? Did I not have to pay 15 bucks for a nose bleed seat? Did I not just drop $5.50 for a goddamn beer? Now, I have to watch or at least be distracted by commercials in the middle of play?!?!?! This was the first thing that set me off. Soccer Fan tried to defend it and say baseball does the same thing. Not true. In Minor League Ball, they run promotional contests in-between innings while the players are warming up. Never once has Rich Ferrari tried to tickle me with stories of stacking cars right in the middle of a 2 run scoring triple by Jason Bartlett. Not Soccer though. Commercials for Cars, groceries, movies, tampons, educational videos on how to make the most effective blood and urine bombs not to mention several other things all ran on the scoreboard. I have never missed a big play in baseball because I was watching commercials on the scoreboard. Meanwhile, back on the field, some guys were still kicking the ball back and forth to each other - Yawn.

Here is the Monitor for all the commercials. It also doubles as a scoreboard apparently.

Despite feeling violated with the constant barrage of commercials and Ace of Base songs, I did concentrate as best I could on the game. Believe it or not, I do understand how Soccer works. I understand the bulk of the rules. I understand much of what goes on, on the field. I watched, but I had a complete lack of enthusiasm. And it wasn't from a lack of trying…I tried. I watched the crowd erupt whenever the ball got within a hundred feet of the goal then fizzle out like LHMark's sex life when it was kicked back past midfield. I sat there…void of all feelings towards the action (or lack there of) on the field.

The first half was cruising right along. I told Brenna the time is going by quickly (thank god), when all of a sudden the crown goes nuts. Holy shit - A GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL. *Yawn*. I watched the replay. Some Raging Referee scored on a header then proceeded to go Kerri Strug and start doing back flips and shit all over the field. Dude realizes he scored a goal in Soccer right, and didn't win the MegaMillions Lotto right? Although the chances of getting either are very similar. Seriously. Even the "excitement" of a goal didn't get me greased up. And like I said Soccer Fan…I had an open mind. Its just that things are not going well for the game in my view.

Halftime - Time to reflect. I came in with an open mind, and I thought the "action" on the field was boring. Just my view. I hate the announcer and wish vultures would peck out his vocal cords. The music was bad 15-20 years ago and its still bad now. The commercials were ridiculous…just like Soccer Fan. Sorry guys. Also, I know American Soccer has a lot more scoring than say "World Soccer" and even the goal I already saw didn't get me exited. It didn't get me impassioned about the game or what was going on down on the field. So far the highlight was a couple of Portland Timbers laying on the field with tears in their eyes are they feigned injury. I was extremely disappointed because I wanted to see someone flopping on the ground grabbing their Hamstring like it was just torn from the bone, only to pop up good as new a minute or two later. I couldn't even get that.

Halftime is over. 45 minutes left. Time starts dragging worse than the play on the field. After a couple fabricated injuries, Portland Scored a goal and the stadium became silent. I thought the score was tied at 1 now, but much to my surprise Portland now has a 2-1 lead. It seems that Portland managed to score a goal late in the first half and I didn't even know. Must have been watching commercials again. I know at a baseball game, when the opposing team hits a home run - I know. Time is dragging. I'm railing on Soccer to help keep me entertained, and after being reserved for much of the game (lets face it, I don't want Soccer Fan beating my ass…I was out numbered greatly in their home), I started to get loose.

At some point Mark made the treacherous journey through the seats, over the people and down the stairs to the concourse. Brenna had him pick up 2 more beers for us. God we need it. We need it to breath some life back into us. The life that this Soccer game is dragging out of us! Mark comes back with 2 cold ones. Should cost $11 but he says $12 because he "tipped". Riiiight. Lets tip the chick who is just standing there making an hourly wage who had to reach and grab two bottles then twist the cap off. Right. Give her an extra dollar. Funny, I didn't see mark tip the guy who handed him his Keg Can. I can't help but think that after the game LHMark was eating off the McDonalds Dollar Menu courtesy of Mike and Brenna. L-H-Mark Math. It screws you every time.

On the opposite side of the stadium, in the corner are a band of diehards that were in a bleacher section. Banners, flags, chants you name it they were doing it. And yeah, plenty of "Ole Ole Ole Ole" chants. Matter of fact, there were so many of them I was about 3 chants away from going on a killing spree. Any time a bold of lightning wanted to cook them in their aluminum seating…I was all for it. They had mottos hanging up like "Life free die on the field' etc. Where did they get their inspiration from? Kevin Winslow? What's next, Raging Referees - Semper Fi? And while I was just joking about that, the group of halfwits broke out with military cadences - Soccer style. I love cadences and somehow I have to believe that if my old T.I. was there, MSgt. Rodrigue would have been wipping all kinds of ass over there. Crapchester Soccer - Semper Fi Hoorah! Oh, action on the field…its still booooooring. Hell, a lady 2 rows in front of me had it right. She as reading a book! Damnit. Why didn't I think of that. Nothing could make me read like the boredom induced by a Soccer game!!!!!

Finally, the clock is winding down. There is a sense of urgency in the air. Crapchester Soccer Fan is nervous. Their streak of 4 ties in a row could come to an end with a loss. Crapchester has the ball, they are deep in Timber territory, there's a shot on goal, it’s a header, the crowd goes freaking crazy it’s a goal…..nope, the ball sails wide right like a Scott Norwood Super bowl kick and goes out of bounds. At this point I start screaming "TAKE THAT SOCCER FAN! THAT’S WHAT YOU GET! Best time of the night right there. Best time. Soccer Fan did start taking a burn with that comment though. They can kiss my Italian ass …seeing as it was Italian Night at the park! If I gotta suffer through this drudgery, I can talk shit. With a couple of minutes left, the Raging Ref's tied the game at two. I have no idea what happened other than they scored…and I couldn't have cared less.

Regulation time runs out and there are a few minutes in grab your hammy and dive time. That time ends with little fan fair. The real ref's whistle blows and simultaneously the entire crowd gets up and starts to leave. You gotta be kidding me. It's 2-2! I did not just sit here in the blazing heat getting ass raped on the price of beer for the better part of 2 hours to not see an outcome! I watched wto teams play a game for over 90 minutes and there was no victor? This just sealed Soccer's fate in my book. Where the hell is the shootout? Maybe give a free goal to the team with the best "injury" performance? Something to actually get a goddamn winner on the field? Things like this are what will keep Soccer from ever making it big in America - And that’s fine by me!

Apparently the attendance was disappointing, according to Rochester sports columnist Bob Matthews. 9,174 people showed up for the game. Even though that was more people than the K.C. Wizards of the MLS drew that night (9,014 in a stadium about 10 times the size of Paetek park) and the NY Soccer team only drew 10,207 in their game in their huge stadium. However, in Crapchester a town dominated by Soccer Fan, this was a "small crowd" And guess what Soccer guy - The night belonged to baseball. Over 12,000 fans went to Frontier Field to watch the baseball game. Best crowd of the year for the Redwings. I should have been there. I hope the team, Spikes, and Conehead can find it in their collective hearts to forgive me. I'll be back after the wedding boys.

Sorry Euroguy and Soccer Fan. I gave your game my best effort. I tried to like it. I tried to watch it. For my efforts I got what I deserved. Boredom and a sporting event with no outcome. I should have known better. Sorry guys, but my Anti-Soccer takes will continue!

My assessment -

The Art of Heckling

2006-06-01T09:23:00.000-04:00

With summer getting into full swing, baseball takes over as a top priority in my life. Sure I'm getting married to a wonderful woman in a few weeks, but its all about baseball now. My beloved NY Mets (or scumbags depending on how the game is going) are in first place despite having more injuries that Steve Howe had trips to the Betty Ford Clinic. The local Triple AAA team is contending for first place and going to the yard is always a pleasure. I've hit up about 7 games or so this year if not a couple more. Good friends, good times, expensive beer. Nothing beats the ballpark!

A staple of any sporting event (especially in baseball) are the handful of Hecklers that you can usually find in the yard. I am proud to consider myself one of them. Nothing fires me up more than raring back and firing off a fulminating attack on an unsuspecting player (or team mascot) while my fiancée slumps in her seat or attempts to stifle my boisterous creativity.
Believe it or not, there is an art to heckling. If you are going to heckle, you have to do it in an manner that doesn't annoy those sitting in your area. You cannot fire off round after round of the same ole weak smack that was being said by your great grand-pappy around the turn of the century…the 20th century that is. You have to bring a uniqueness too it. You have to be able to make those around you laugh and get into the heckling as well. Maybe even getting them to partake in hurling comments right along side you (this works in your favor should you strike a nerve with a player as you can casually point out your new heckling brethren as the one who crossed the line).

My personal approach to heckling is to attack the home town players that pretty much suck…or always seem to do shitty when I'm at the game. This tradition started a couple years ago with a former Rochester Red Wing named Michael Restovich. Back then he was a fairly decent slugger for the Wings. Lead the team in round trippers, but every time I saw him play, he struck out, grounded out, or popped out. I saw him hit just one home run, but the bases were empty. Because of his futility, I dubbed him Rally Killer Restovich. Here is a picture of the Rally Killer getting props from a teammate for grounding out instead of yet another whiff.

The Rally Killer is no longer with the Red Wings, however last year his replacement developed. Wings third basemen Terry Tiffee. Like the last name isn't enough to make you want to pile on him, but his ability to come up big and strikeout or end the inning in the middle of any Red Wing rally quickly positioned him a top my list of players to pile on. Add to this his shoddy defense and we have a complete player…to heckle. I mean hell, management should issue flak jackets and police riot shields to all fans sitting behind First Base when Tiffee is playing Third. I've seen a Russian Rocket with a busted guidance system be more accurate than Tif-man's throws to first. Earlier this year I was all over Tiffee while he was having a particularly rough game. I was in the first row behind home plate and he was hearing me. To his credit, he was seen laughing a few times. Unfortunately the next game I attended, Tiffee busted out like a bad case of Herpes. Dude had 3 hits including a homer. A few R.B.I.s and actually played good defense. A sad night indeed. However, when one player goes down, another player always steps in. In this case, it was Wings First Base-windmill Garrett Jones! He is the Wings preeminent power hitter. I mean he did lead the Twins Farm System last year with a whopping 22 home runs. 22? Are you serious? Mix in a trip to Balco. Throw on some cream and clear then claim you had no idea what it was and get us a few extra bombs. Maybe Tiffee can slam your ass with an injection of beefriods to help you out. I would never advocate the use of steroids and I hate what they have done to the greatest game on earth, but something has to help the big K here. Maybe I'm going about it in the wrong way. Maybe he needs some lasic surgery. Perhaps a pair of Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn glasses would help out his cause. Either way this guy sucks more than a Llyle ave prostitute…so I've heard anyway. Enjoy the grills of Tiffee and G-Jones so the next time you hit up a Red Wings Game, you will know who to heckle…

Tiffee

Jones

My favorite home town target is the Mascot - Spikes. I mean take a look at this guy...

While I admit it’s a fairly cool looking Mascot costume…look hard and tell me this guy isn't being put on he field for the sole purpose to entertain the little kids…and to get cracked on. A couple years ago during a double header with the Norfolk Tides, I'd been swilling beers with my good friends Scott "Kurt Warner" Norris and Mark "Doesn't get Laid" Tichneor when during the second games 7th inning stretch I started cracking on Spikes as he did some shit on top of the dugout right in front of us. Through glazed over eyes, he comes up to me and puts out his hand. I go to give him 5 and the bastard pulls his had away. First off, did he just diss me like that? What is this, 4th grade playground disses? And 2.) I can’t believe I fell for it. At that point, I proceeded to call him a "mother fu". That’s right sports fans, I checked my swing. According to Mark I didn't and I indeed called him a "mother fucker". One of the greatest moments I've had at a ballpark. From that night on, Spikes is always in my crosshairs. Earlier this year during a Norfolk Tides Series, I endeared myself to him by telling him that the Norfolk Mascot was a lot better than he was. Spikes now remembers me no matter what game I'm at. Credit to the clown in the costume though, he rolls with it nicely.

I called this guy a "Mother Fucker" … allegedly.

You might ask yourself why do I make fun of the Hometown players? Well, because I like too. And a lot more times than not, fellow spectators respond favorably to my heckling. Why? Because its based on truth. If Garrett Jones sucks, and I call him out, its true. If I do it creatively, then it gets a good reaction that usually leads to others piling on him as well. I never heckle the players that are doing well. Like I said, even when Tiffee stopped sucking for a game, I laid off of him.

I do jump on opposing teams and players as well. For no apparent reason I spent the better part of a game or two lambasting the Norfolk Tides 3rd base coach a couple years back. His crime? Standing there I guess. Perhaps my favorite target is Eli Whiteside of the Ottawa Lynx. Last year was the first year me and my buddy Mark saw him play. What makes him a target you might ask? Well, it’s the grey curly mud flap he had hanging out of his helmet that did it for us. Dude makes a 1986 Gary Carter look like a bald Michael Jordan. Dude would give Mike Brady (R.I.P.) wet dreams with the perm hanging out on the back of his neck. Hell, even Barry Melrose admired this guy's Tennessee Top Hat. That was all we needed to be locked into this guy. Mark, Brenna and I saw him play this year and it was even better. Sitting close again, Mark and I were sure to let him know what we thought of that Mullet! Again Brenna tried to stifle my commentary but I cannot be held down!

Here is my boy Eli signing autographs. His top hat is relatively tame here, but imagine this badboy in the heat and humidity of summer after playing a few innings! Hey Now!

My Heckling experiences are not relegated to just minor league parks. However, when taking your game to the big show, you have to be very careful on how you go about things. You're in the Major's now, so you have to step it up. Even the best Minor League Smack might not be passable at Yankee Stadium, PNC Park, Dodger Stadium, Busch Stadium or Shea Stadium. If you're gonna bring it to one of these parks, then you have to dust off your blue-ribbon smack.

I have gotten loose at a MLB game only 3 times. One in Detroit, and twice in Philadelphia - Home of some of the most notorious fans around. A few years back, I made the roadie to Philly where I met up with a fellow Mets Fan who made the roadie from Long Island. We had tickets for the Mets V. Phils game that night and the next day. After throwing down a 6 pack of Corona, we headed off to the Vet. Now, to set this up, this was around 2002 or 2003 (I forget), August and it was hot. It was also the time when the NY Mets "revamped" their World Series lineup with high priced veterans and proceeded to go in the toilet. Such winners and Mo Vaughn and Jeremy Burnitz polluted the roster and the field with their "talent". Me and my buddy don the Mets gear and head off to the park. Philly fan is already on us, wishing us dead and other cheerful backhanded compliments. Having a few beers in us already, and the 24 ouncers going down extremely fast we soon turned our attention to how bad the Mets were sucking. A well placed error and futility at the plate (and copious amounts of beer) had us turning on our favorite team. The first target was Mo Vaughn. Me and my buddy were all over this guy and we erupted when Big Mo got a single and made the turn to second base and promptly wiped out. I know the U.S. Geological Survey was startled as their machines started going haywire registering his fat ass leaving an impact crater in the baseline a quarter of the way to second. This smack talk endeared us to Philly Fan. The same fans who have booed Mike Schmidt, Santa Clause, and cheered when Michael Ervin lied motionless on the field after a neck injury. One Philly fan expressed concern about the quantity of beer we were consuming and if we were driving. Luckily the hotel was only a half mile away or so, so we walked there. As the game dragged on, Lee and I moved from our close seats near first base to some empty seats along the right field like where we proceeded to ruin Jeremy "The Human Windmill" Burnitz's night. As it was late in the game, there were not too many fans left, so this heckling was for our pure amusement. After the game, we walked back to the hotel where Lee proceeded to ask Apu behind the desk where "all the sluts were". The guy gave us a street name and we hailed a cab and were off. Met some cool people, ended up in a black club chillin…until it was raided and we had to sneak errrrrr stagger out. We were both in bad shape, especially me, but that’s another story.

The following day, Lee had to head back to L.I. but I was going to stay and check out that days game. After something to eat, he dropped me off at the Vet and was on his way. I'm hung over like Billy Martin after an extra inning game, its in the high 90's and humid, and I'm sporting my heavy "authentic" Roberto Alomar Jersey. I scalp an extra ticket for more beer money and enter the stadium. I'm sitting in the very first row, dead center field. Its fucking hot. The sun is beating down on my drunk ass, and I can't even enjoy the game, much less the beers I am trying to throw down. It was so bad that I even went and dropped 8 bones for 2 20 oz. bottles of Dasani Water. Once I got a little hydrated it was on. The Mets were sucking as usual, and I was starting to feel it. Mo Vaughn is out of ear shot, and the Center Fielder who was right there was playing fairly well and was very fan friendly to the punk ass Philly kids, so I gave him a pass. However over in right field was Jeremy Burnitz. Dude was working on the Golden Sombrero for strikeouts and I just couldn't take it. When the Mets took the field in the 4th inning or so, I headed over to right field where I proceeded to lambaste The Windmill. There were plenty of seats available, so I wasn't putting anyone out. Every inning I did this. By about the 7th or 8th, one Philly Fan finally got pissed and started yelling "Why the fuck is he coming over here?" Other Philly Fan told him to shut up and watch. Once again I lit Burnitz up and the best reactions had were when he would turn around and see that a Mets Fan was killing him. I had earned Philly Fan's respect. One bought me a beer and they told me to stay in their area. I brought my a-game that day and made a few new friends in the heckling process.

My other big league experience in heckling happened in Detroit's beautiful new Comerica Park. My buddy Scott and I made the roadie to D-Town for a Jim Rome Tour Stop, but the night before, we met up with another guy and took in a Tigers V. Royals Game. This was the year that the Tigers were pushing to break the '62 Mets record for fewest wins in a season. Being a Mets fan, I was all for getting the Mets off the snide. I threw on the Mets Jersey and off to Comerica we go. I do have to say, that this was my most enjoyable MLB game ever. Sitting very close to the field in-between Home and First. For the first few innings (and once again, the 32 oz. beers were flowing like Niagara Falls), I was all over the Tigers cheering for the Royals and rooting for the Tigers to continue to lose all season long to get my beloved Mets off the snide as having the worst single season record in baseball. The more I heckled, the more the people around us started laughing. They started giving me crap back and it turned into the best time I've ever had at a ball park. There were probably 30 people over 3 rows all interacting with each other, buying beers, laughing, having a great time. Detroit will always get props from me just based on this one time.

Remember, if you're going to heckle, the key is not to be an asshole in doing so. That’s usually a challenge for most people. Especially when its college night/day at the ballpark. Pick your moments/victims. Get your friends involved and if you're good, you'll get other people involved as well. And always remember….the easiest target is the mascot. It’s a good place to start and hone your heckle delivery. And even if you suck, you're still at the ballpark. Grab a dog, a beer and enjoy!

Brenna playing grabass with Spikes.

Patriotism, Baroid, and The Sopranos

2006-05-04T13:47:00.000-04:00

Now that I'm a year older…and wiser (allegedly), I figured it was time to make my post turning 30 blog. *Sigh*.

First up, Patriotism. Hey, I'm a Patriot. I love my country. I support my President/Regime even if I don't always (or lately usually) agree with them. I served my country by doing 6 years in the Air Force (and my job included front line Army support, so while I never saw real combat unfortunately, I have had as much Combat Training as other ground pounding Army Pukes). I love the flag and follow the rules of its usage. I REFUSE to put those goddamn magnetic ribbons on my car. I support my country and especially the troops, but I don't need to make some slack-jawed yokel getting rich off an idea to exploit the troops and the war. I love my National Anthem. And yes, that means the "Star Spangled Banner" and not the horrendous "God Bless America" (more on this in a moment). Having served my country, I loved putting on that uniform every day. The first time I heard the "Star Spangled Banner" after joining up, the meaning of the song changed and it gave me even more pride in my country. I love hearing our National Anthem at the start of our sporting events (except Soccer because lets face it, Soccer is about as Communist as Lenin or Marx). Despite my feelings, Patriotism can be over done. Case in point, the 7th inning stretch in baseball games. Before the timeless American Classic "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" is played, we are treated to our secondary anthem "God Bless America". Right after 9/11, I was down for this. We as a whole in America take a lot of things for granted. Things that include our lifestyle, our freedoms, our ability to do any number of things. Sometimes it takes a horrific terrorist attack to remind us of this. In the troubled times following 9/11 I was all about "GBA" being played in the 7th inning. It gives the fans and more importantly the people another reminder of how great our country is, how great we as a people are. However, 5 years down the road, we have been reminded. Americans for the most part have gone back to being American and are taking things for granted and a song is not going to prevent that. While Football might be king, Baseball is truly America's National Pastime. It’s a game that has no time limit, yet lasts just long enough for fans to be content (or for my buddy Mark - http://beercraft.blogspot.com ) to throw down about 8 beers. It has traditions like the 7th inning stretch that no other sport has. And when its time to stretch for the 7th inning and sing along to "Take Me Out To The Ball Game", I should not have to remove my hat first for "GBA". Guess what…we already had the National Anthem at the begging of the game. Enough is enough. Lets all continue to be proud of who we are, our country, and games, but lets not have an overkill on Patriotism at our sporting events. I go to a baseball game to forget about life for awhile. To eat and drink and converse with good people. To watch a majestic game take place on the greenest grass in the area manicured perfectly (except for the lines leading from the on deck circle to the batters box here in Crapchester…it looks like M-M-M-Michael J. Fox carved them out). In the middle of all of this, I don't want a reality check. I'll get that soon enough on the way to the parking lot. Give me my game back the way it should be. 1 national Anthem, 1 classic baseball song in the 7th, and good fun in-between and after.

If you thought you were going to get off with only having to listen to one topic. Wrong Pal. I'm feeling froggy today so I'm a go ahead and jump.

Baroid Bonds. In the sports world, I cannot envision a player who needs an ass whippin' more than this one man beef-roid injection POS. By now, most baseball fans (thankfully) hate this guy as they should. Baseball Fans have done every thing we can to ignore this guy and not watch it, however, every time we turn around Bariodi s right there. Who is to blame? The obvious answer is the Media, but more specifically ESPN and Bud Selig/MLB as a whole. Lets face it, good or bad news Baroid generates a lot of attention. Because of this, ESPN is turning into all Baroid TV. Sportscenter and Baseball Tonight cover everything this asshole does from putting his socks on to every at bat. Fuck, you think they would have been able to catch him shooting some beef-roids into is ass at least a few times then! Then we have the Bonds on Bonds TV Show. I absolutely refuse to watch this just out of principle. I know a few people who hate Baroid but watch it because they think he is interesting. Really? I think he is an asshole. I won't watch. With Baroid approaching Babe Ruth's 714 home runs, now ESPN will cut over to his every at bat. Really? I think I will never put on ESPN again for the rest of the year. I can watch the Mets on Sportsnet NY and I would rather BUY the MLB package to see other games that support ESPN as long as they are going to ride the miniscule jock of a roid popping disgrace. Smarten up ESPN. There is a reason why some Giants Fan used his own money to buy a billboard outside their yard saying "TRADE BARRY". MLB's top sponsors want nothing to do with any celebrations for him should he break the HR record, Hank Aaron won't be a part of anything. What does that tell you? And of course if Bud "Red" Selig had actually been concerned with the Steroid problem back when it was first becoming known, maybe we would be having this discussion. Maybe Baroid would have already tested positive, or been found guilty and all his "accomplishments" could be wiped off the record books. I know Baroid isn't the only one who has cheated, but he is the biggest name putting up the most inflated numbers. If I could have one baseball wish, I would like to see a fireballer launch a 100mph heater that somehow ends up hitting Baroid's "bad" knee exploding it so he can't walk again much less take another at bat. If anyone has it coming, its this guy.

The Sopranos. Is there a better show on T.V.? Nope. Well, watching a baseball game is great, The Sopranos get the edge because they only make like 4 episodes a year or something. So far in the 6th Season, I have to say that each Sunday night I anxiously await 9pm so I can get my dose of Tony, Christopher, Paulie, Bobby Bacala, Artie Buco's wife and other things. As one with any shred of common sense would gather, I am a Mafia Aficionado. I have forgotten more information about the Mafia than most parents know about their kids. Whether that’s good or bad is still up in the air. Because I'm a diehard (note, not wannabe as I do not roll around acting like I have a family backing me up), I have to say that this show does a fairly good job at showing Mafia activities and also shows an oft forgotten element in the home lives of the Mafiosi as well. That being said, a lot of the plots for the Season 6 episodes can be found in current or recently passed Mafia headlines. With all the material they have to work with, its amazing that they want to end the show next year. Anyway, I'm digressing all over the place here. Back to Season 6. Like I said, each episode has kept me wanting more. A very good sign, however The Sopranos is suffering from one problem right now…too much is going on! They have way too many story lines going on all at once. Lets recap a few. Big Vito is proven to be a finok and makes a break for it when the Soprano Mamalukes go looking for him. The next week, there is barely a mention of Vito. Johnny Sac in jail has only been shown in bit pieces and last we saw he was crying as the US Marshalls dragged his ass back to jail. Acting Boss Phil Leatardo was talking shit about him and the subsequent 2 episodes haven't shown Johnny anywhere! One episode revolves around Artie. One episode shows Paulie fucking up the younger Barone's legs and demanding a 4 grand a month kick up to him and he better not tell Tony either. That was the last of that. After a week hiatus, Vito was back on the TV picking up a gay biker dude in his small New Hampshire hideout errrrr town. The last scene they were is looked like an out take of "Brokeback Mountain". Next week the previews show a confrontation between Bacala and Paulie. Hey, where the fuck have those buys been? In seasons 1 through 5 everything was blended perfectly. The side stories were all getting a fair amount of time and rarely did a week go by where an ongoing storyline was completely left off the radar. Don't get me wrong, I'm down with season 6. I am taping all the episodes to watch over again until they all get released on DVD. But all the bouncing around and weeks between key storylines is putting a damper on the shows greatness. Come on David, get it together. We all love The Sopranos, but we want everything to flow as it did the first 5 seasons…...

It's Spring Time - Do You Know What That Means?

2006-03-23T08:57:00.000-05:00

If you answered "Baseball", while you would be right, for the context of this blog you would actually be wrong. This is about that springtime tradition…the NFL Draft.

Since the Superbowl ended, we have all been inundated with talk of combines, tryouts, draft prospects, trades and of course the NFL Draft itself. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the NFL. I may not enjoy it nearly as much as I like baseball and I know that in America the NFL is King, but give me a break. Does the sports world need to revolve around the upcoming NFL Draft?

Instead of being able to see more games in the recently completed World Baseball Classic, we were subjected to Mel Kipper's ass ranting and raving about the possibilities of the NFL Draft. I still understand the interest for the NFL Fan. I follow the Hot Stove in baseball with great intent, but I have yet to see Pete Gammons talking about the baseball draft or trade rumors the way Mel Kipper talks about the NFL Draft. You would think he was talking about the love of his life and not a game. Hey yo Mel. Why don't you unplug for a bit. Step outside, breath in some fresh air and go look at some women. Drop by a titty club. Head to the beach. Pay some attention to your own ole lady. Get your dick wet something. Its pretty clear that you would take reviewing who the Jets might take with the number 2 pick in the draft rather than engage in actual sexual intercourse. That should be a crime in itself.

You know, maybe its just me, but I just don't get the broad appeal of the NFL Draft. I wont' lie, I will check out the first few picks, but that’s about it. After the first three or four selections I'm good. I'll just catch the updates on Sportscenter. I'm amazed by the losers who break out their team gear, paint up their faces, throw down a few (or a dozen) pops before heading to Madison Square Garden to "watch" the excitement of the draft. Sure I want to know who my team picks, but whether or not I have my grill painted and I am sitting in the stands has no effect on who the Buffalo Bills will take. Matter of fact, the draft is actually about as exciting as watching a 0-0 tie in a Soccer Game. Well a Soccer game that has no violence, murder, torches, riots, fire, destruction etc. but I digress. Watching people in the stands start cheering when their team…with the 82nd selection in the 2006 NFL Draft pick some no name scrub just screams "LOSERS"! Same with the people who clear their weekend so they can sit on their ass plastered in front of the T.V. to watch all two hundred rounds of the NFL Draft. It might be time to mix in a hobby or two at that point.

I can understand being wrapped up in the games on a Sunday. I mean there are actual games going on. Contests being played on the field, but this draft shit is for the birds. My life isn't full of substance, but I'm pretty sure I have about a zillion things better to do that watch the NFL Draft. I'm sure there is a liquor store I could rob. Perhaps an elderly couple I could mug. Maybe I could even get loose on a Triple AAA Baseball Mascot. All of those choices would be better and more productive that intently watching to see where Vince "Smart as a bag of doorknobs" Young goes to.

Once Opening Day hits though, it flushes all of the NFL bullshit out of my system, out of my T.V., out of my focus. And thank god too. It will be hard, but I can hold out a few more weeks until Baseball opens up full swing. In the meantime I can fight the plague like disease that is the NFL Draft with Spring Training Games. Its better than nothing!!!!

How Much is Enough?

2006-02-21T07:34:00.000-05:00

I'm a guy. For the most part, that means I have a predisposition to gadgets and gimmicks. I make no bones about the fact I literally need the latest electronic gadgets and if I cannot afford them, I constantly scan EBAY looking for the holy grail of deals! I am also the douche bag that companies target when they offer a new product. I despise infomercials, but if something catches my eye, I might end up watching it. Now don't get me wrong. Not all of the crap they sell through infomercials is actually crap. I got a sweet knife set from Ron Popiel including a knife block and the 25 piece set works phenomenally. Even the ole lady who was not nearly as excited as I was about the purchase will tell you that the set kicks ass!
All this is leading up to razors. I'm big on keeping my grill tight, yet I don't like shaving with something reminiscent of a chainsaw. Because of this, damn near every time a new razor hits the market, I'm standing in line to pay some ridiculous price to get it. I have to figure Gillette had me when I was 18 years old. Right around my birthday, a sweet top of the line 2 blade Gillette razor arrives in my mail box with a coupon for extra cartridges! Now this is what I'm talking about. A couple years later they had put out a more advanced 2 blader and I was all over it like white on rice. Matter of fact, I tried several of the new razors that have come out since 1994 or so. Gillette razors make me cream the most so I am loyal to them, but I do try other products.

When Gillette dropped the Mach 3, I think I was stiff for a couple weeks at least. The only thing that deflated me was the damn price! Of course that didn't stop me. The razor, the blade, it was all good. It wasn't that long after that they dropped the Mach 3 Turbo with a new sleek handle design. I wanted it. I had to have it, but somehow passed on it. I did however give the Schick Quatro a try. 4 blades! Jesus. Still I used it though, and I wasn't overly impressed with it. The Mach 3 had my heart and was a bit cheaper. My loyalty was intact.

Just as I was getting into a groove with the cost of my Mach 3, Gillette drops the M3 Power. Rock fucking on! A razor that vibrates to help the hairs on my grill stand up more while I shave! Damn, I'm all over that like Mama Cass on a ham sandwich. Besides, I bet dragging that vibrating razor over the boys would give me a cheap thrill too! I dealt with the cost and that fact a 4 pack of blades was somewhere around 10 bucks a pop. Best razor I have used to date. I'm in the zone. I've been rocking the M3 Power for well over a year then…..

The Gillette Fusion drops! 5 blades, a special blade on the back to precise trimming, a vibrating option should you want to spend the extra dollar for it and as I said…5 blades. Christ almighty. Enough is enough. What happens if the dog comes and jumps on my while I an shaving under my chin? I'll tell you what will happen…I'll have 5 blades going into my jugular and your boy will be left in a heap on my bathroom floor. What happens if I am dragging these heavy hitters over the boys and I slip? I'll tell you what, my sperm production will be decreased by half! This time the gimmick has gone too far. 5 blades. Power vibrations. Precise trimming blade. Extra this. Special that. $11.99 for a 4 pack of cartridges. I am drawing the line. No Fusion for me. Not this guy. I'm turning over a new leaf. Its all about being practical. Gillette has gone way too far this time. Scumbags.
***Oh, and my review of the Fusion. The precise trimmer is awkward, but with practice I'm sure it will get easier to use. The power is nice and has a battery power level indicator which is nice. The razor and cartridge are a bit bulky and somewhat difficult to use. With practice and time to get used to it, that should go away. The shave is very smooth and very close, even if you have to hit some areas a couple times because of its bulkiness you are off of your shaving game. I would recommend this, if you have the patience and time to give yourself a chance to adjust to the newness of the razor. - Christ, anyone have Johnny Damons phone number? I need to enter his clinic for shaving gimmick junkies. If it's located in the heart of Chowd Nation though, I'll just go ahead and take on another job to feed my addiction***

The Super Bowl - Don't Believe The Hype

2006-01-29T18:56:00.000-05:00

In exactly one week, the Super Bowl will take place. In one week, the most over hyped, move over exaggerated event this side of the World Cup will occur. Now I know what you’re saying. “Can dude possibly hate the Super Bowl? Football?” I mean Football is woven into the fabric of American life right? Don’t get things twisted. I like the Super Bowl, and I even like Football. I love America and pretty much anything Americana – Baseball, football, Apple Pie, watered down light beer, an intense hatred of Soccer etc. It’s just that when it comes to the Super Bowl, I can’t get into the hype. Lets break it down. The actual game itself is watched in something like 500 countries world wide and like 20 billion (give or take a million or two) watch the game on T.V. I’m not sure why this one game gets so much attention as opposed to any of the other NFL games throughout the year. Let’s face it. 9 times out of 10, the Super Bowl itself sucks. One team blows out another. Your team isn’t playing. The goddamned game doesn’t start until past 6:30pm. Something. More times that not, the Bud Bowl, of now the Lingerie Bowl are more entertaining than the game on the field.

Super Bowl Week – The week leading up to the actual game. Every sports radio show is based in the city holding the event. Out favorite sports shows are full of nothing but NFL interviews. Old time NFLer’s trying to stay close to the game, talking about their “glory” days. Please fellas, save it for Bruce Springsteen. Countless NFL Players are going from radio show to radio show pimping some product or service so that they can pad their already fat pockets with a few more dollars. There always seems to be a controversy with the city the game is in and why it shouldn’t be there. Last year it was Jacksonville. Not enough hotel rooms and such. This year its Detroit. I mean Detroit is putting its best foot forward. And being the first cold weather city in some time to get to hold the Super Bowl isn’t an easy task. They have the week planned with plenty of fun activities for all the fans flocking to the city. They have the Eminem tour down 8 Mile. Exciting events like looting, rioting, car jacking, killing spree’s, robbing and pillaging, mugging and several other interactive activities. I bet Lions Fan is excited though. This is their first chance to have an exciting and competitive game played in their fairly new stadium.

Actual football events aren’t all that’s involved in the over hyping of the game. 500 million dollars for a 30 second commercial spot. Half the viewers of the big game watch the game only for the commercials. Looking to see who rolled out a new and funny commercial, or who pissed 75% of their ad dollars away on some stupid ass commercial (as is usually the case). The half time show – this year it’s the geriatric rocker show. Their going to roll out the Rolling Stone’s in the middle of their “Weekend at Bernie’s” World Tour. Hey legendary band, but I’m not watching because I want to see a wardrobe malfunction with Mick or Keith’s zipper on their pants! Besides, haven’t we all heard every song they have sung about 6 million times? I think they should have rolled out the contestants from Dancing With The Stars for a quick 1 minute dance for the entertainment. I mean Jerry Rice is already there right? And what could be more entertaining that watching Master P in his B-Ball shoes stumbling across a stage in the middle of Ford Field. Seriously, maybe he could get voted off if a few more people saw him make a complete ass of himself.

My main man Chuck D said “Don’t believe the hype” and I fully agree with my man. He also said he would never go solo then released a solo album but that’s besides the point. Sure I might be a HUGE baseball guy over anything else. I might prefer college ball to the NFL. My favorite NFL team might be the Buffalo Bills (and since they cannot hire a coach correctly it would stand to reason my frustrations with football), but that doesn’t mean I hate the Big Game. Its just that the Big Game is over hyped and by the time it rolls around, not only am I sick of all the hype, the game usually doesn’t even come close to the hype anyway. So in 2006, for the Super Bowl, don’t believe the hype!

Baseball - Uniform Problems

2006-01-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

With baseball season right around the corner (and lets face it, baseball is easily the greatest game played on the planet), I wanted to take some time out and discuss one thing wrong with baseball. No, it’s not steroids, or the amount of luchie they pull in a year, but its how a lot of players are wearing their uniforms these days.

For the most part, I am a baseball purist. I despise the Designated Hitter and I hate Astroturf. Although I do like the Wildcard in baseball. That being said, I like baseball players to look like professional ball players each and every time they step out onto the field. Gone today is the actual uniform look of the players. Instead you have a handful of players that seemingly wear the uniform correctly and several who wear the uniform however they want. Remember the vintage baseball footage you have seen? The uniforms have a nice look. They are snug, but not tight. The pants are tucked into socks or stirrup socks. The Jersey is not loose or baggy. Hell, you don’t have players looking like Mister T in the outfield with 600 pounds of bling bling dangling around their necks. In the 1980’s, a few players started dropping their pants all the way down to their shoe tops. That was like opening the floodgates. By the early 2000’s, the baseball uniform has gone from the fresh, crisp professional look to the “ahhh who cares how it looks” deal. The uniforms are baggy. The pants are worn right above the shoe laces. The uniforms look like some players have slept in them. Gold chains are now more prominent than eye black. Lets take a close look at some baseball uniforms…some good, some bad.

Jeremy Burnitz

While Jeremy might be more known for his imitation of one of these…

He is actually a throw back to the good ole days of baseball in how he wears the uniform. He looks like a ball player. He might create winds strong enough that New Orleans Mayor Nagin would actually call for an evacuation of his city with every swing, he gets a pass just for looking like a good ole ballplayer.

Manny Ramirez

Wow. Where to start here. I know ManRam can swing it. I know you can pencil him in for 35-45 homers a year and 140 RBI’s, but he is an abomination wearing a baseball uniform. And that’s for reasons other than the fact it’s a RedSux uniform. Dude’s pants are worn below his cleats. Granted that scumbag Barry Bonds and Mets DL Machine Cliff Floyd are other big name players who wear their pants like this, I’m focusing n Manny because he looks like a complete reject in his entire uni. It’s a miracle he doesn’t trip over himself when he tries to run (well that’s IF he tried to run).

His Jersey is so oversized and baggy that he could share it with Mo Vaughn and Cecil Fielder and still have a bit of room left over. His batting helmet is nasty. I know it apparently is the thing to do these days…let your helmet get so corroded and disgusting that it looks like its been an overflowing spit bucket for a Tobacco chewing Lenny Dykstra, but ManRam’s is taking it much to far.

Hey ManRam. You are making close to 20 Mil a year. For that price, is it too much to ask that you look like a professional ball player for the 162 games you have to play (and only 162 cause sorry Chowd Fan, there will be no playoff’s in 2006).

Because I could go on and on, let me drop one more example. There is nothing I hate more and I mean nothing, than baseball players wearing their hats tilted to the side. The most notable (although not only) offender is that that A-Hole C.C. Sabathia. And while you might think C.C. stands for Captain Cheeseburger because dude runs close to 3 bills, I can assure you it doesn’t (even if it should). I mean take a look at this…

Hey yo playa. Straighten out your dome piece and wear it correctly. You are making millions of dollars a year to play baseball, not to stand on a corner in the hood and sling crack. Straighten your lid out, mix in a trip or two to the gym, and start looking like a ball player. Not a Derringer toting wannabe thug gangsta homie trying to make his way on a baseball field. I mean seriously, you got ganked for your jewels and cash in Downtown Cleveland. Yeah, you got jacked in Cleveland, the mean streets of Cleveland. Maybe you need to add a couple of degrees to the tilt of your cover to look just a little more rough. You might be able to throw a baseball 97mph, but your grease dripping fastball doesn’t make you look like a goddamned ball player. Fix your fucking hat. My blood boils every time I see this jack-off and his crooked lid. I can live with a backwards hat in the dugout, but not a sideways hat on the field of play. I think MLB needs to step in and start addressing these situations!

In the 2002-2006 CBA, uniform regulations appear for the first time. There are 7 or so regulations that mostly deal with how the pants should be worn (allowing the on the shoestring look) and discouraging the baggy ManRan-FatAss look. Since there is nothing about lids in there, perhaps Bud Selig should stop thinking of ways to ruin the All-Star Game and do something about players who cannot wear there hats, pants, and jerseys correctly. With the 2006 season a couple months away, I will trade the uniform issues for the crack of the bat, the smell of the grass, the anticipation of a pay-off pitch, but there is nothing wrong with ball players looking like, well ball players.

This is how it should be done

Time Warner Cable - All in One - a Rant

2006-01-11T19:55:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of things in this world that piss me off. I know, I know. You're sitting there reading this like "no shit Cialini, hard to imagine you getting pissed at anything." Today's rant though, will focus on my Cable company...Time Warner of Rochester. I consider myself a valuable customer. Once a month I give these scumbags one hundred and 4 dollars of my hard earned cash. And yes Mark, that's a lot of HUMVEE's I have to wash. For that amount of scratch, I have digital cable with all the channels except the pay movie channels like HBO. I have DVR (a wonderful feature) and I have Road Runner...which has became as vital as water to my existence. Despite what you might already think, I don't mind paying this money, as I am happy with all the services. After all, nothing is free in this world. The thing is though, once a week or even twice a week, I will get letters, cards in an envelope, color cardboard like advertisements and all kinds of other propaganda from Time Warner in my mailbox. Today, I see a nice envelope. I take a look at it, curious as to who it could be from. I mean its not like I have any friends, so the choices are limited. I rip open the envelope and inside is a color card with a few inserts from....Time Warner. They are letting me know for the one millionth time, they have an "all in one" package. No shit. I already have a package from these bitches. If I wanted to have a digital phone, I would call them and order it up. Its not like there isn't a TV. commercial on every 45 seconds pimping their all in one packages, so chances are, I've seen it. You've seen it. I bet the Amish have seen it as well. With all this advertisement, on TV., on the radio, its not like I need my mailbox flooded with ads from them as well. I gotta figure I'm not the only customer getting all these ads. Hell, I bet non-customers get even more of these ads...poor bastards. I can't help but think that if they stopped sending me all of these adverts, and every other customer these adverts (after all, there is a phenomenal chance we are all well aware of all of Time Warner's Services), that perhaps my cable bill could be lowered by oh I don't know, 3 dollars? 10 dollars? Hell, probably 20 dollars. With all of this, I figure its only a matter of time before RG&E starts sending me advertisements letting me know they sell gas and electric. It won't be long before the post office starts sending out adverts to everyone under the sun stating the fact they mail letters and packages...and that they are raising the cost of stamps to $1.62 each to help cover the new advertisement campaign. Come on Time Warner, save me a couple of bucks and stop with the mailbox full of crap errrrrrrr ads. I could use that extra skrilla very effectively at the Doc's during Happy Hour.

Tales From My Side, Vol. I

2006-01-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

We've all had moments in our past were we have been embarrassed, or done stupid things, or been in situations where we wished we were someplace else. We've all been there, and years after the fact many times they turn into great great stories, even if laughs are had at your own expense. My man B-Shan has posted a couple of blogs of this nature here http://billherb.blogspot.com/ . The rest of the material he posts is just plagiarized, so skip those stories. They suck anyway.

To start, I'll share two instances that overlap. December 14th, 1995 I entered the Air Force's Basic Military Training (BMT). Back then, email was still in its infancy and even so, its not like the Training Instructors are going to give us PC's to go with our bunks. Anyway, when time permitted, we all wrote letters. One of my letters went to Bill. Over the next 7 weeks, we exchanged a few letters and Bill was kind enough to send me not 1, not 2, but 3 mix tapes contained with some of the finest rap music of the time. Again, never mind the fact that all packages we received were opened by our T. I. (Training Instructor), and never mind the fact that we had no radios, were not permitted to have or listen to music that was sent to us and what not. Mail call was a big deal in Basic. It was the only outlet we had to the civilian world. To our friends, family, etc. At mail call, the entire Flight would gather in the Day Room. 55 guys or so piling into a room (and while that may not sound too pleasant for you, its what Bill calls Saturday Night), with our T.I. sitting at a table handing out the mail. Every time Bill who was using his Captain Canuck identity back then sent me a tape, I was called to the front of the room, in front of the Flight so my T.I. could open the package. There were two notable exchanges I had with my T.I. over tapes sent to me by Mr. Shannon. The 2nd tape is the big one, but let me discuss what happened with the third tape I received first. MSgt. Rodrigue called me to the front as I had a package. He opens it up and we have the following exchange...

MSgt. Rodrigue: "Airman Cialini, you have another tape. Doesn't this guy know you can't listen to these while you are in BMT?"
Airman Cialini: "Sir, my friend doesn't know a lot of stuff, so its quite possible he hasn't picked up in the letters I have sent him that I cannot listen to the tapes he sends me here in BMT. Nobody ever accused him of being the sharpest knife in the drawer."

MSgt. Rodrigue cracked a smile for approximately 1 millisecond then went back to the menacing growl he usually had, that we were all afraid of and proceeded to yell at me. He told me I might not ever get out of Basic and get a chance to listen to the tapes. I knew I was getting yelled at because of my comment, and I found that funny. I almost laughed, but I held me bearing.

The second tape however, was different. I still have a sore spot where I had my ass chewed. As I was standing in front of the Flight at parade rest, MSgt. Rodrigue opened the package Bill sent me and proceeded to give me the usual crap about receiving a tape, then it happened. MSgt. Rodrigue started to read the song titles and right there, Side A - Song 1, titled "Communism". Perfect, the Cold War might be over, but in the military, Communism will always be a tool to help instil Esprie De Corp. MSgt. Rodrigue started to fly off the handle. I snapped to attention as he accused me of a myriad of things including being a Communist, being someone who was out to destroy the country he had spent a lifetime serving and fighting for, being someone who was pissing on the memories of all those that served before me and several other things. At some point, I tuned him out as I daydreamed of dropping a payback beat down on my good buddy back in New York. When it was all over, I had trouble sitting down for quite sometime. I still get chill up my spine every time I see or hear Common's "Communism". Looking back on it now, its funny, and for anyone with Military experience, its one of those stories we LOVE to share, our tales from Basic, or time on TDY, or in the field. Once I graduated Basic, on the day we had a town pass, I went into San Antonio and bought a nice new walkman and enjoyed the tapes B-Shan hooked me up with. I still have those tapes now and listen to them regularly. For the cost my ass had to pay for those 3 tapes, trust me I will be enjoying them for years to come. Thanks B...I think!

Further tales of Mail Call. Its not like I didn't have enough problems with Bill sending me tapes, in the 4th week of training, an Airman was washed back into my Flight. His name was Airman Sweeney. When you say his name, and my name (pronounced Sa-lean-ie) they sound very similar. So much so that MSgt. Rodrigue used this to screw me Sweeney and myself. At mail call, he always did his best to make my last name sound like "Sweeney" so that when I didn't answer, he would jump all over me about not knowing my name. Whenever he would call Sweeney's name, sure enough it sounded like "Cialini". I would get blasted for answering when he wasn't "calling" my name. In all of this, somehow Sweeney never got the ass chewing I got. It could be one of those "things", but I'm convinced MSgt. Rodrigue just liked screwing with me. In hindsight, it's just one of those funny things now and it makes for good story telling...unless your boring or have no sense of humor...hey, not everyone's perfect.

Even those these events made the once great Mail Call a living hell for me, they have given me a lot of material for story telling and BSing. Oh, and 10 years later, I am still crafting a revenge plot against Bill for that "Communism" incident...but don't tell him!

It's Not Over, 'Till It's Over

2006-01-03T10:40:00.000-05:00

Wow - It's 2006 and the Holiday Season is over…but is it??? I'm afraid not. We still have a few more months at least before we can take a breather. Just around the corner we have…

VALENTINES DAY - That’s right ladies and gentlemen. It’s the Holiday where (and this mostly applies to men only because evidentially women don't have to by their significant other shit), a man has to break the bank buying his woman gifts of jewelry, candy, expensive dinners, sexy clothing, flowers etc. If the guy is lucky, he might get laid, but when you look at the Piece of Ass to Cost ratio, sadly for most guys it isn't worth it.

***Disclaimer*** Not all guys are hampered by a materialistic woman. I'm one of those guys thankfully. But between the scandalous greedy ass hoes and the media telling us 6 carats says "I love you" the perception is what it is.

So gear up fellas. Start working some overtime, because in just over a month, you gotta spend spend spend to show your ladies how much you love them!

Next up…

St. Patrick's Day - Luckily this day is just a blip on the radar screen for the most part, but the closer you get, the more evident it gets…This day sucks too. It's bad enough that everyone wears green. And if you don't, you are accosted like you just got done roasting 6 million Jews in Germany. This is the one day a year where everyone is Irish. Yeah? I'd rather black and in the middle of a Klan rally in the middle of nowhere first. What's better than an actual excuse to get drunk right? Lets also not forget to celebrate potatoes, sheep shagging, and the Irish cuisine that involves boiling everything.

On Deck next…

Good Friday/Easter - Well, because of all the intolerant people in the world, Good Friday is no longer an actual Holiday. I mean I'm not exactly religious myself, but I'm not going to be offended by a religious holiday…especially one that gives me a free day off of work. Well, it used too anyway. That was before all the tree banging politically correct liberal hippies had their way. God forbid that the Christian majority in this country celebrate something religious. I mean why not do away with Easter while you guys were at it. And Easter is only considered among my commercial spend money holidays because 2 days after Christmas, while strolling through Wegmans…Easter Candy plastered everywhere. Don't get my wrong, love Cadbury Crème Eggs, and I could pound down bag after bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs, but I don't need to see Easter Candy 2 days after Christmas. Nor do I need to see egg coloring kits, or baskets, or people telling me that if I love kids, I will spend a paycheck coloring eggs and hiding them so some punk ass brats….excuse me, extremely grateful youngsters can go off and find them. Also, lets not ignore the hoards of Catholics who will make their yearly pilgrimage to church, thinking going on this one day of the year makes up for them skipping the other 51 weeks. Guess what…if he is up there…then he isn't fooled.
Right about now ladies, we can all start to relax. Holidays like Memorial Day and the 4th of July are up next. Holidays with true meaning and holidays that won't have you max out the ole credit card. So keep your head above water if you can. Only a few more months of Commercial spend all your ducats holidays left!

"Can't Buy Me Love"

2005-12-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

Anyone remember the song "Can't But Me Love" from The Beatles? I do, but apparently jewelry companies don't. With the over commercialization of Christmas and the mindsets of people trying to out do the next guy or their efforts from the previous year, most of us tend to fall for the trap and get caught up in the spirit…of spending. One of the biggest ploys that pisses me off to no end though, has to be the jewelry stores. A couple times a year they put on big campaigns for your business. Valentines Day and Christmas. All their advertisements would lead you to believe that as a man you must buy your woman/significant other jewelry for them to love you. For you to make their holiday, you must present them with a 30 diamond encrusted bracelet. Maybe a pair of earrings that cost as much as a mid-sized car. Of all the ads that are floating around out there, there is one that is a million times worse than all the rest…combined. It’s the one for Kay Jewelers. According to them, "Every kiss begins with Kay". Well no shit. Every time I hear that slogan it makes me want to go on a goddamn killing spree. I mean for me to get a kiss out of my woman, I gotta start dropping C-Notes at Kay Jewelers? What if I'm looking for a little something extra in my "stocking" Kay? Do I need to take a 3rd and 4th job so I can buy something there that’s going to get the job done? And don't get me wrong, I have no problem buying jewelry for the woman I love, but if I have to buy jewelry to make her smile, make her love me, make her want to give me a kiss or more, to make her Christmas/Birthday/Valentines Day then I'm showing that woman the front door. Every time I see a slogan like "Every kiss begins with Kay", I make sure I will never EVER patronize that establishment. Every kiss begins with the thought of whatever gift is given.

Where is the good press?????

2005-12-20T08:48:00.000-05:00

Why is it that every time I pick up a newspaper or watch a news report, I see nothing but negative press about the Iraq War and the War on Terror? Now don't get me wrong, I know that the "bad" stories will always generate more ratings than the feel good stories. It’s a sick twist in human nature. I also know that things aren't all peachy over there so the positive feel good stories may be hard to come by. That being said, why an effort isn't being made to find them is beyond me. Whether or not you like or dislike Bush, the war, how the war is being run (and I am no fan of the way the Iraq War is being handled) there is one thing we must put our views and differences aside for…our troops. I'm a card carrying member of the VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars for you ignorant civilian types) and sure, much to my dismay I never saw real combat having served in Korea to earn my stripes, but that doesn't mean that I feel any less like a Veteran than any of the Airmen, Sailors, Soldiers and Marines that have been in the shit. Because of this, I fully support our military and especially the brave soles who are on the front lines doing their best to protect our way of life every single day. And don't try and argue this point. They are doing perhaps the hardest job imaginable away from their families, friends, loved ones, etc. The media likes to show stories of despair, troops who have lost all their moral, the extremely minuscule percentage of troops who loose their minds and do asinine things like beat prisoners etc. Every time one of our troops loses their life its all over the news. Every arm chair General and politician is calling for the U.S. to pull out of Iraq etc. It’s a good thing the media wasn't like this during WWII. I couldn't imagine the bloated stories that would come out of D-Day alone!

All that being said, last night I found my feel good story. And I didn't read it in the Times. I didn't see it on CNN, Fox News, or the BBC. I found it on the USA Network. I found it during WWE Raw. That’s right ladies, during a live broadcast of wrestling. Last nights telecast originated from Baghram Air Force Base in Afghanistan. And while you might laugh, and start running off with all your "wrestling sucks/is fake" jokes, the fact of the matter is this. On one two hour telecast they gave me more positive stories about the troops, their moral, their missions everything than I have seen anywhere else for the past year. Instead of listening to those in the media that "think" they have the pulse of the troops, the WWE SHOWED the troops. Vince McMahon and the WWE are big supporters of the military. Since the inception of the War on Terror in Afghanistan and the War in Iraq, the WWE has been scheduling shows for the troops and the Wrestlers have been making visits to the troops not only in the U.S. but overseas as well. Every Christmas since the start of these conflicts, the WWE has gone to Iraq and Afghanistan during the Holidays and provided shows for our Fighting men and women giving them a break from their harsh reality…if only be it for a few hours. The WWE wrestlers give up their own time off (which is few and far between for them) with their own families and such so they can provide those on the frontlines a bit of enjoyment. They do this selflessly and because they want too. Vince McMahon doesn't do any of this for press, or to get his name in the news because unless you read the Stars and Stripes (Military newspaper) you would never know Vince and the WWE do things like this. The press is more worried about the negative aspects about wrestling to report on something good like this.

Last night as the show opened, Vince strutted to the ring as only he can. He grabbed a microphone and not only thanked the troops for all they do, but he blasted the media for basically ignoring all the good our troops are doing. The troops erupted because only they truly know the injustice the media is doing to them. The wrestlers played too the crowd and the show was specific to the troops. Perhaps the most telling part were the vignettes that were played throughout the show as well. They showed the WWE Superstars touring all over Afghanistan. Performing duties along side our men and women in uniform including mine removal and EOD. They showed the Wrestlers arriving in Germany where they visited injured soldiers and the troops and their families stationed at Ramstein Air Base. From there they all loaded onto a C-17 for their trip to Baghram. Their arrival into Afghanistan. The visiting of injured troops there as well. It was very heartening to see someone who is laid up in a hospital bed with burns, rifle wounds, broken bones, lost limbs etc. be able to have a genuine smile roll across their face because Vince McMahon is there to see them, or Triple H is there to see them, or one of the WWE "Divas" scantily clad for others pleasure are there to see them. Perhaps the most telling of all though, was the actual troops sharing their thoughts and feelings on camera. And its funny, their impressions are far different than the ones the media gives us. While they miss their families, they all understand the job they have to do. They all defend their country proudly and without question. Their moral is not as low as we are led to believe. Many of them enjoy the experience in helping the Afghan people. Many rejoice in the fact that they are part of a force that is not only out to preserve the American Way of Life in America but they are helping to rebuild an oppressed country into something hopefully great for the future. The telecast gave us stats throughout. Stats like before the U.S. led Coalition Force arrived, only 3% of Afghan women were allowed to go to school. Since we arrives over 300 plus schools have been built that teach boys and girls. Facts like the new Afghan government is the first elected government in over 30 years and 30% of the new government is made up of women. They showed the Airmen and Soldiers out helping to build homes for the Afghans. Showed them digging waterways and interacting with the Afghan people. And guess what, you might find this hard to believe but the people from 2 different nations were all getting along well. The wrestlers gave interviews and press conferences for the Afghan press. Allowing a taste of a different culture to be experienced but all. Try doing this just a few short years ago. For a wrestling telecast, it was one of the most rewarding 2 hours I have ever spent watching television. I won't even lie, I had tears in my eyes on several occasions. Watching the troops interact on so many different levels with the wrestlers. Seeing something as simple as wrestling and its performers bringing ear to ear smiles on the faces of those that look death in the eye every day was touching. I've spent a few holidays alone, in a foreign country and even in a tent. On Christmas Eve when I was in Korea, an Air Force General flew into my Camp specifically to see me and the other Airman who were stationed there. He came in, presented us with a couple coins (a military thing) thanked us for all our hard work and even came inside our station and talked with us for awhile. And sure when he left, he got to fly back to Osan and spend the holiday with his wife and family and he probably felt good about visiting us, but never the less, for the 2 Airmen stationed at Camp Page it meant a lot. More than most people will ever be able to comprehend. And like I said, I was just in Korea. I can't imagine the feeling the troops get from a major attraction like the WWE specifically coming to see them, perform for them, interact with them all on the front lines of war.

As our own holiday season rapidly approaches, lets not forget are Armed Forces stationed throughout the world. They are providing us with a service most people will never understand. Whether or not you like Bush or hate him, support the war or you don't. Whether or not you agree with U.S. Foreign Policy or not, lets not forget the Troops. They follow their orders without question. They do not have the luxury most of us do to sit back and criticize…mostly with hind sight. They stand on a wall, walk a perimeter, sweep a mine field, sleep in a ditch, eat MRE's all so we can be able to criticize why they do what they do. We should all follow Vince McMahon's lead. Vince doesn't go to the front lines for media exposure. You know why? Because he doesn't get it. You won't hear about the WWE tour in the news or read about it in the paper and if you do, it will be a quick blurb if that. Vince does it and the Wrestlers do it because they support our Troops fully. There are plenty of organizations www.adoptaplatoon.com where you can donate things to be sent to our fighting men and women. We should all be remembering their sacrifice right about now, so we can all bitch about crowded stores, cold weather, the fact the Family Guy was pushed back because the President was on T.V., and all of the other things we complain about that in the grand scheme of things are so small they wouldn't even register on the radar of these men and women. And I for one, will thank Vince McMahon for what he has done for the Troops. Even if its in a crappy blog that only about 4 people will ever read…at least the intent is there. Thanks to the WWE and to the U.S. Armed Forces. You are truly appreciated more than you know.

My Triumphant Return - A Political Survey

2005-12-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

Its been well over a year since I broke out with a new Blog entry. After checking out B-Shan's blog, I figured this goofy political survey is a nice way to start...especially for those who bash me for being Conservative.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 45% Conservative, 55% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

A Guy's Tradition and The Great Nacho Debate

2004-11-21T12:22:00.000-05:00

Back in the fall of 1997, I became reaquainted with wrestling. As a kid, I loved it. I watched it every Saturday morning. I went to the live events when they rolled into Crapchester. Some of my favorite toys as a kid were the original WWF action figures with the WWF Wrestling Ring. At 28 I'd still play with them now if I still had them. I was a wrestling junkie. I knew it was fake, but I also knew it was entertaining. At some point though, my interest waned. I went years without being a regular to the T.V. Shows or even the live events. I might have watched a few minutes here and there but that was it. Jumping back to 1997, I was stationed in Savannah Georgia in the Air Force. Due to the available space I had in my apartment, I was letting another Airman stay with me. We played Tennis regularly, and after one session we stopped by the weather station we worked at on base. SSgt. Frank was working, and it happened to be a Monday Night. WWF's Monday Night Raw was on the T.V. when we got there. Me and Bobby hung around for a few and me and SSgt. Frank ended up talking about wrestling. Frank was into wrestling and as we talked, he started mentioning all these current wrestlers and then he started mentioning who they used to be...you know, previous gimmicks or characters and such. As I learned that my favorite wrestlers back in the day were still alive and active with different gimmicks and such, my interest in wrestling was peaked once again. Now at this point you are probably asking yourself "what does all this have to do with "Nachos?"" Well as I started watching WWF and shortly there after WCW every Monday Night, a Cialini tradition was born...eating Nachos while watching wrestling every Monday Night. Its been ongoing for 7 plus years now, and has survived a year in Korea, a wacko ex-wife, and now my tradition is being besieged again. From what you ask? From the most powerful, most destructive force known to man...a woman. Apparently my version of "Nachos" doesn't fit my girlfriends description of what Nachos are. Over the course of time, my version of Nachos have undergone several different make overs. It started out with me heating up a jar of Salsa de Con Queso and dipping chips in it. Then I started to get creative. Add a little spice here and there, started adding Jalepeno Juice for hottness and flavor, eventually I started adding in ground turkey and more spices...a work in progress. An artist cannot be rushed when creating his masterpiece. I tried various kinds of Con Queso and chips as well before settling into a solid routine after YEARS of experimentation. The regimentation on my Nacho Night had finally been completed. Now enter the new girlfriend, a woman who I love more than anything. She likes WWE Raw as well, so I inculde her into my Nacho Night Tradition. Sounds like I'm being a hell of a guy right? Well I was. Think it went smoothly? Well it didn't. First off, Nacho Night started too "late". Seems someone couldn't hold out till 9pm when wrestling started. I mean the tradition is eating Nachos when wrestling is actually on T.V., not 2 hours before. Now, the first time I bring the Nachos out...I get a raft of shit. Apparently my concoction did not constitute actual "Nachos" even though they were enjoyed outright. The next week, she comes over with a couple bags full of groceries to take over my nachos/make her own style nachos. Apparently Nachos are supposed to be "layered", or spread out with the cheese dumped on top of them. I guess having a dish of cheese and such in a bowl for dipping isn't considered nachos. I have to disagree though. I mean its cheese, and chips. Meat and jalepenos are involved. Spice, flavor, hottness, its all there. Just because its not spread out on a plate doesn't mean its not nachos. I stand by my tradition, and I will continue to ensure its survival as is. Fellas, stand fast on your own traditions. The Great Nacho Debate isn't much of a debate at all......even if she tries to tell me otherwise! ; )

The Intricacies of Music

2004-11-20T12:51:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I have always liked various forms of music. As a little kid I remember going to see Alabama with my mother in concert. I loved the song "Mountain Music". As I got older, being an '80's child, I loved '80's music...even the hair bands. Eventually my tastes changed and I started listening to a little rap music, then heavy metal, then back to rap. Musically I was well rounded, but I had a glaring problem...whatever music I didn't like, I dismissed as automatically being worthless. I can remember spending time with my Grandparents when I was young, and they always had country music going. And I mean the country with the extra "twang" involved. Sure every 5th day or so I heard a song I liked, but for the rest of it, it pretty much made me quesy. I can remember playing cards with my parents and Aunt and Uncle on Saturday Nights growing up, and making fun of my parents because they were always listening to the "Oldies". Even as I got married, I used to fight tooth and nail over musical control with my now ex-wife. She liked alternative rock. Green Day, The Cranberries, and stuff like that. Back then, I would have rather stuck my package through a meat grinder then listen to Green Day. As I got older though, I wised up...matured. All of a sudden I realized that just because I do not like Hootie and the Blowfish, it doesn't mean that they suck. As I look back on things now, my earliest days on shift in the Air Force saw me listening to the Oldies station all the time...I loved it. Next thing I know, I have a Hootie CD around 1997. Even today I have grown to be a fan of Green Day and all their songs I hated in 1995, I enjoy today. I'll even take it one step further. I can tolerate and actually like and listen to country music these days due to the fact that my girlfriend likes it (especially the older country) and because she is wonderful (even if she hasn't let me bump Wu-Tang in the sled yet) I kept an open mind and now even by myself, I can be found whipping down the I-nine-oh with a country disk in the CD Player. There really isn't a genera of music that I cannot derive some sort of happiness out of. From the pizza laced songs from my Dago homeland, to bagpipes, to even the rare Euro-Techno beat that I doesn't make me wanna hang myself.I find myself these days the true definition of eclectic. I still love rap music, especially the old school, but at any time you can find me bumping country, swing, big band, jazz, rock, classic rock, heavy metal, punk, classical, anything. And not only does that keep my horizons wide, but it makes it easy to deal with other people who listen to just a certain form a music...chances are I like it too.

Taking all this a step further, if I ever had to make a time line of my life, I could do it musically. I can correlate inportant events whether good or bad in my life to what I was listening too at that exact time...whether a specific song or an album. Whenever I hear "Mountain Music" I can instantly picture myself somewhere around 6 or 8 years old with my mother at the Rochester War Memorial experiencing my first concert. When I hear "Peter Piper" from Run DMC I think of the time I first heard rap music. When I hear Black Sabbath it takes em back to the late '80's when everyone was into Metallica, but I was into original Metal. When I hear Overkill's "Deny The Cross" it takes me back to high school and staring contests against my man B-Shan and how I would change the lines in a desperate attempt to make him laugh before I did, or even B-Shan's funny and sometimes violent impressions of a Metal Band's drum solo. Good times. I can hear songs today were prevolent in my rotation back when my marriage was starting up, when I was leaving for the military, when I was in Tech School, stationed in Georgia, overseas in Korea, back stateside in California. I hear songs and they put those images of times past in my head so clear its as if they were on a brand-y new Hi-Def T.V. right in front of me. It's like a running time line that is always ready to be reviewed in my mind at just the slightest provocation from a "Piano Man" or a "The Bridge is Over". With each day that passes, and I had more life experiences to my agglomeration, music is right there with them. Whether its something from 10 years ago, 15, or just yesterday reminding me how truly happy I am for the first time in years, I can associate music along with it. Maybe you will read this and think "dude is wacked", but we all have our own imbroglio's that require us to find a way to deal with them. Music has become an outlet of sorts, and escape at other times for me and it works. I take solace in my expansive musical tastes, and I'm willing to bet that most of us when prompted can look at music and start to relive days past as well.

Stern V. Bush

2004-09-17T09:17:00.000-04:00

I'm one of the biggest Howard Stern Fans around. My world came to a crashing halt when Clear Channel yanked him off the local affiliate here in Crapchester. Over night my mornings at work became 10 times longer. Thing is, this rant isn't about Stern being yanked off the air, as by the grace of God he is back on Crapchester airwaves, but rather the fact that Stern is now a typical one sided political machine. Don't get me wrong. I still love Stern, I still love his show, right up until he starts one of his new found patented Anti-Bush rants. See, when Stern rants, I love it. Even if the rant is on something I like, I still find it funny, its just one of those things about Stern I enjoy. His chronic Bush rants though have become misguided, over the top, and flat out old. To make matters worse, just about everyone else on the show all follow his lead. Robin, Baba Booey, Artie (and yeah, Artie just screams political knowledge...shut your piehole Yankee Fan and such down another heater), all whine about Bush too. In reality I have no problem with it. Stern can talk and criticize whatever he wants, its all good. He can beat down Bush, but when he becomes completely one-sided like he is, it just gets old. He acts like Kerry is the be all end all answer to America's problems. He acts like Bush is the blame for everything. He criticizes Bush's war record, his politics etc. He claims all the FCC problems are ordered by Bush himself. Bush is not Don Corleone ordering that ball washer Michael Powell to personally attack Stern. Do I think Bush falling out of favor with Stern had something to do with the FCC crackdown...absolutely, but not to the extent my man Howard is claiming. While Bush and the religious (aka wacko) right might want him off the air, remember in 1994 or so it was the FCC under a VERY LIBERAL William Jefferson Clinton that slapped him with a 1.7 million dollar fine for content on his radio program. G-Dub was running the Texas Rangers into the ground at that time, how do you explain that? Its not like the FCC will go away if Kerry gets elected. Its not like Stern will have free reign over content if Kerry gets elected. Recently Stern started piling on Bush for letting the recent ban an assault weapons expire. If Stern would take of his Kerry colored glasses, he would have realized that the "ban" did not actually ban assault weapons. It just threw a speed bump in the path to get them. If someone wanted one, someone could get one. Yet its all Bush's fault that wacko's with AK-47's are going to start going nuts and killing people within the next 2 weeks. Howard, I love you bro, and I understand your livelihood is being attacked, but you gotta look at the big picture and and not focus on what you think the entire problem is..........And for the record, I am not a Bush fan nor a Kerry Fan. I think both candidates are scumbags and I wouldn't trust either of them as far as I can throw them, but I am less afraid about what I know about Bush, that what I don't know about Kerry. Keep bringing happiness to my weekday morning Howard, but lets pare down the Bush sucks rants to maybe 7 or 8 a week!

"Give me more radio-oooooo. Give me Howard Stern-nnn"

My first post

2004-09-16T21:05:00.000-04:00

And I'm too bitter to say anything damnit!