Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

23 July 2007

Departure From The Ordinary - Sorta

I'm a regimented person. I love routine, and when my routine gets altered...I hate it. Maybe its a product of my military experience, maybe I have always been like that and the military only solidified it. Either way, I am what I am. This applies to pretty much everything across the board in my life, including things like the beer I drink to the places I eat at. This past weekend, I took 2 departures from my routine. One was successful, the other was a horrible abomination.

This past Friday, I was at Costello's. I little Dago joint here in Fairport that has some killer food. Despite the fact they are pretty small, they even manage to have a decent beer selection on tap. Now good to me is good because among those available is my friend Coors Light. A staple in my beer drinking diet. However this Friday night I was feeling a little froggy...so I jumped. A new selection was offered...a Brooklyn Brew. Ordinarily I would have bypassed that right up while selecting my frost brewed goodness, however for whatever reason, I opted for the Brooklyn. Probably because when my pal Mark isn't giving brain to Joe Mcbane, he can be found pimping beers of this nature. Upon first drink of my Brook Lager (I think it is a lager, what the fuck do I know about beer...I like Coors Light after all!), I I thought why did I order this dark, bitter tasting beer. By the time my pint was a half-pint, it was going down almost as well as a 2 dollar hooker (and there's nothing wrong with that). By the time I had finished my beer, it was a surprisingly tasty departure from my norm. I didn't order another one, and it might be some time before I order another one down the road, but it was nice to try something different and have it work out it my favor.

Continuing with my weekend of expanding horizons, I rolled Friday Nights success into another departure from the norm on Saturday. Saturday Evening I headed down to a local Target (tar-gjaaayyy) so I could pick up a new Nerf Football to play catch with, with my dog (and yes, she catches better than Peerless Price). This Target happens to be right near the greatest fast food restaurant of all time, Taco Bell! Bren had decided to take the ride with me, and was hungry since we hadn't eaten dinner yet, however her idea of dinner was not pulling into the TB Drive through (and I thought she loved me too). Of course we had to have a mini-argument of where or what to eat. You'd never guess it, but I'm a picky bitch when it comes to eating. On top of it, when it comes to places to eat, I'm all about the bug chains that litter the suburban countryside. You know, Applebee's , Chili's , Friday's , Ruby Tuesday , etc. Tonight though, I didn't want any of that, and the Cracker Barrel was too far away. So while we couldn't decide where to do I just started driving. Despite not being a fan of the small diner's or Family Restaurants, I pointed my car East and started heading into 315 land. You know, the land of inbreeding, shanties, cars on blocks, its like having a country from Alabama transplanted right here in Western NY (and yes Syracuse...you're 315ers). After about 10 minutes or so, I pulled the car into the Log Cabin Family Restaurant. Bren and I had been talking about eating there for over 2 years but just never made it. All I have ever talked too have always said how good the food was etc. Well, seeing as 315ers and Bikers are the main frequenters of this establishment...I should have known better. Upon entering, a chickie babe with a jacked up grill seats us and gets us some drinks. Water for my misplaced Brighton Resident of a wife and an Ice-Tea for me. We were seated on one side of the dining area separated by a wall that one could somewhat see over when seated. While this kept us away from the necks in the building, it also seamed to keep up hidden from our waitress. After about 10 minutes Granny Smith rolled up to take our order. Bren got the Italian sausage and peppers with pasta and I had a burger (cooked well done) with fries. Bren also landed a garden salad while I clocked a Cesar salad. I was thirsty so my ice-tea was going down nicely. Brenna mentioned that I might want to ration the tea seeing as I might not be getting timely refills. Bren's salad came, but the chef was still putting mine together. Really? It takes a chef to dump romaine lettuce into a bowl then dump parmesan cheese and croutons on it? In 315 land it does. So, my salad comes with dinner. Whatever, by this time I could care less as I am pretty hungry. Before we start to eat, Granny asks if we need anything else. Well right under her nose is my empty glass of ice-tea. Apparently I'm not getting a refill without begging. That's alright, she aint getting a big tip either, and I am a very good tipper. My tea comes and Bren and I dig in and my first bite of burger reminds me why I usually eat chicken and turkey. Little chunks of gristle litter my first bite as well as the fact the my burger is far from well done. I look at the bite mark I made in my burger and the mother fucker is so red it looks like its menstruating. After composing myself, I have to decide what to do. Look, we all know that food that gets sent back has unspeakable things done to it (look, I've seen "Road Trip"). Well, I decide to flag down Granny and send it back. She agrees that its not well done so off the burger goes. After a few minutes, it comes back. Beautiful, it was dropped in the microwave for about 2 minutes with the Kraft Singles piece of cheese on top and bacon and the Catsup I put on it. I inspect the burger while Granny said the chef was apologetic and also said that its hard to tell how cooked the meat is in the center. Really? So the chef doesn't know how to cook a burger, or how to tell if one is cooked all the way through? Now I'm not Bobby Flay or anything, but I can throw a burger on my grill at home and I know when that sumbitch is well done all the way through. Granny leaves and I take a bit...it still sucks. Matter of fact, I think this bite exposed a tape worm! So, I ate around the outside of the burger. I wasn't going to send it back again either. To Granny's credit, she came back to find the burger still sucked and asked what I wanted to do. Send it back again, order something different. At that point I was really turned off to the place, so I just said it was fine. In an effort to make it up to me, so offered up a free piece of pie. I hemmed and hawed and said sure. Brenna and I can split it, plus I had been craving cheesecake for a while. Well, no cheesecake, but she had a piece of chocolate something or other with chocolate frosting, chocolate chips, chocolate all kinds of shit. Well, I'm not into chocolate that much, so of the other few selections, a piece of Banana Cream Pie was the best option. Granny drops the pie off with the check and leaves us to eat. The first thing Brenna notices is the UPS colored brown slices of banana on top of the pie. Sweet! I love pie that is like 5 days old!!! Needless to say, the pie sucked, my meal sucked, and Brenna's pasta with a piece of sausage and pepper (singular and small) sucked too. The service was horrible, even with Granny trying to make things better. All I know its next time, I'm going to Chili's - in the 585!


  • At 10:26 AM, Blogger Mark said…

    What about the 315 said "culinary haven" to you? Next time, freakin' ask me for a restaurant recommendation. Jeez.


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