The Don Returns - Clips The Euros!

Finally, your Don’s long awaited and much overdue return to the blogging world. A lot has been happening since my last blog. My buddy Mark hasn’t posted a damn thing worth a few minutes out of ones busy schedule to read. My buddy Herb seems to have found a new spacing program for his blog…and he’s still talking about Football. Hey Willy…less than a month until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training. I’ve also gone to the Dominican Republic on my honeymoon, a week and a half in paradise. You think I think that along would leave me plenty of topics to blog about for some time…and it has, however one thing peers out above all else. Its not the days spent on the incredible beach. It’s not the ATV rides through the 3rd world country side. It’s not swimming in the ocean and walking along the beautiful white sand beaches. It’s not even about the resorts or the activities provided. To be honest, it’s about the Euro’s. Sad I know, but the Euro’s on vacation need to be addressed. And since I know Mark will take the link to this blog and run and post it on airliners.net, or take it to some other forum populated by Euro’s where they talk about Soccer and whatever other uninteresting things Euro’s talk about. Sorry fellas. I know the Europeans I saw while on vacation are representative of all of you guys…its fair game because that’s how you judge us Americans.

Before I start my battering, I have to say while we didn’t meet many people there personally; our neighbors to the North from America's Hat were very friendly and good people. Met some nice folks from Toronto – They hated Quebec, so that made them even better. Also, the Brits there seemed to be or I was told were very good people. The rest of the Euro’s though…it leaves something to be desired.

First off, Euro’s love to stereotype Americans. I know this because I participate on a multi-national forum. Americans are fat, Americans don’t know geography, Americans this, Americans that. I have never understood why Euro’s care if Americans are Fat. Maybe it’s because I’m fat too, who knows. However I haven’t ever concerned myself with the weight of Euro’s…until now. She, while on the beautiful beaches of the Dominican Republic, and while enjoying the resorts as well, I noticed one thing right off the bat. FAT EURO’s. I saw fat French, fat Germans, fat Dutch, fat Italians, fat Spaniards, fat Portuguese, fat Swiss, fat Brits and even fat Canadians. I saw fat ass Euro rolling around the beach with his micro Speedo on. No really. Calling that disturbing wouldn’t even do the site justice. I saw fat ass Euro’s wife, the 300 pound behemoth sporting her ineey weeny itsy bitsy bikini which became pretty much impossible to see with everything that was hanging over it. Ordinarily I would be like “Ah salude, wear what you want to wear”, however when an American Super sizes his value meal it makes headlines in Euroland. Hey bitches. Americans are fat, Euro’s are fat. Stop piling on about something you are quite guilty of yourselves!

I will say that the Euro’s are much more liberated individually than Americans. There is not some evil stigma attached to sex (for the most part) for them. Their women will go topless and not even think of it. Obviously I encountered this in the DR. Of course I mentioned to the wife how I wouldn’t want a beach full of dudes staring at her titties, and she tried to tell me that they don’t think like that. Right – I forgot that guys in Europe are not the sex crazed hormone balls we are here in the states. Either way, to each their own, and even with the wife right there, I’m not opposed to stealing a couple looks at some titties. There is a problem with this though. In the time we where there, I say 5 – maybe at the most whose tits I might have wanted to check out. The very large majority of the topless chicks should have had a top on. If your nipples get confused with your knee caps…wear a top. If you are 70 years old…wear a top. If your tits are saggin and draggin…wear a top. If your chest looks like a little boys…wear a top. I mean I know it’s always the way. All the chicks walking around covered are the ones you want to check out. Not Grandma Moses to your right. Oh, and I know its all in how we are brought up and such, but I don’t care how I was brought up, I’m not going to want to go to the beach for a day of fun in the sun with my parents and see my moms tits dangling around. I saw several 10 year old boys who are well on their way to being scarred for life.

Attitude: I’ve heard how bad the attitude of American’s is. After spending some quality time with Europe’s finest, I can now say that the Euro-tude sucks. With the exception of the Canucks and other Americans, I have never been around a group of people who were as rude, unfriendly and annoying as the Euros. Hey, I know we all speak different languages, but the universal communication for hello is eye contact and a head nod. If a Euro made eye contact with me, it was like I was a great big pile of shit and that’s what they were looking at. No friendly gestures, nothing. When walking on the sidewalks, these bitches would not get out of your way, taking up as much (usually all) of the sidewalk as they wanted. No holding of the elevators, no friendly smiles. Nothing, I was honestly surprised by this. I figured that for the bad rap the rude American gets, that the Euro would be friendlier. I guess it’s just the Euro (Double) Standard.

Smoking: Apparently the ill effects of smoking have not been discovered by the Euro yet. 90% of the Euro’s were sucking down heaters like their very life depended upon it. It made Bren and I very appreciative of the no-smoking laws here in the states. Whether it was at breakfast, lunch, dinner, outside, in the hotel, at any of the bars there was Euro polluting the air with his or her smoke. Nothing like being on the beach, smelling the fresh air filled with the smell of the sea only to have it ruined by some asshole sucking on a cancer stick. Even worse was walking in the beautiful white sands of the beaches only to see thousands if not hundreds of thousands of cigarette butts. Perfect. Look, cigarette butts filling your cramped streets in your cramped apartments might be alright, but have some class when you are in paradise. How your lungs are not screaming for relief is beyond me.

Tipping: Euros are cheap fucks. Seriously, in doing my research for my vacation, one of the first things I learned was that you are supposed to tip the people who wait on you hand and foot. I understand it’s all inclusive, but dropping a couple singles here and there isn’t going to kill you. Well, apparently tightwad ass Euro thinks otherwise. In the entire time we were there, I saw 1, that’s ONE Euro tip a bartender that was it. The resort workers use tips to supplement their income. They make around $200 USD a month! And even in the DR that’s not a lot. Tips help hem out. We came prepared. We tipped our bartenders for almost every mixed drink (not beer). We tipped the dinner server, our maid, our drivers if we took any tours. Because of this, the bartenders took real good care of us. The maid always left fresh flowers and such in our room (not standard practice). Look Euros – If you can afford 2 weeks at an all inclusive resort in the Caribbean, your cheapskate ass can afford to tip. I only saw Americans and Canadians tip (other than that lone Euro). Maybe you cheap shits don’t tip in your country, but it’s expected if not needed here. Way to stiff the help who are living below the poverty line even in the DR. Well done. I’ll be sure to use this in the Euro stereotypes that are on their way.

Other things noticed while hanging with the Euros. The French language can sound nice. The Italian language sounds better. The German language sounds disgusting and extremely primitive. Nothing worse than hearing German Tourist holding a conversation at a high decibel level. I expected them to start grabbing sticks and rocks and start plotting on how to create the wheel. Sorry guys. Every time it started to rain, I wasn’t sure if it indeed was rain or it was a group of Germans holding a passionate conversation about something.

I’m sure I am leaving out tons of material. There may be a Part II to this. In the meantime, I would like my Euro friends to take this with a grain of salt and realize this is what they do to Americans all the time. And I’m sure the Euro’s will argue that most of my comments are not true, the same can be said about American stereotypes perpetuated by the Euros. To quote that fine American Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along?”