Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

03 January 2006

It's Not Over, 'Till It's Over

Wow - It's 2006 and the Holiday Season is over…but is it??? I'm afraid not. We still have a few more months at least before we can take a breather. Just around the corner we have…

VALENTINES DAY - That’s right ladies and gentlemen. It’s the Holiday where (and this mostly applies to men only because evidentially women don't have to by their significant other shit), a man has to break the bank buying his woman gifts of jewelry, candy, expensive dinners, sexy clothing, flowers etc. If the guy is lucky, he might get laid, but when you look at the Piece of Ass to Cost ratio, sadly for most guys it isn't worth it.

***Disclaimer*** Not all guys are hampered by a materialistic woman. I'm one of those guys thankfully. But between the scandalous greedy ass hoes and the media telling us 6 carats says "I love you" the perception is what it is.

So gear up fellas. Start working some overtime, because in just over a month, you gotta spend spend spend to show your ladies how much you love them!

Next up…

St. Patrick's Day - Luckily this day is just a blip on the radar screen for the most part, but the closer you get, the more evident it gets…This day sucks too. It's bad enough that everyone wears green. And if you don't, you are accosted like you just got done roasting 6 million Jews in Germany. This is the one day a year where everyone is Irish. Yeah? I'd rather black and in the middle of a Klan rally in the middle of nowhere first. What's better than an actual excuse to get drunk right? Lets also not forget to celebrate potatoes, sheep shagging, and the Irish cuisine that involves boiling everything.

On Deck next…

Good Friday/Easter - Well, because of all the intolerant people in the world, Good Friday is no longer an actual Holiday. I mean I'm not exactly religious myself, but I'm not going to be offended by a religious holiday…especially one that gives me a free day off of work. Well, it used too anyway. That was before all the tree banging politically correct liberal hippies had their way. God forbid that the Christian majority in this country celebrate something religious. I mean why not do away with Easter while you guys were at it. And Easter is only considered among my commercial spend money holidays because 2 days after Christmas, while strolling through Wegmans…Easter Candy plastered everywhere. Don't get my wrong, love Cadbury Crème Eggs, and I could pound down bag after bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs, but I don't need to see Easter Candy 2 days after Christmas. Nor do I need to see egg coloring kits, or baskets, or people telling me that if I love kids, I will spend a paycheck coloring eggs and hiding them so some punk ass brats….excuse me, extremely grateful youngsters can go off and find them. Also, lets not ignore the hoards of Catholics who will make their yearly pilgrimage to church, thinking going on this one day of the year makes up for them skipping the other 51 weeks. Guess what…if he is up there…then he isn't fooled.
Right about now ladies, we can all start to relax. Holidays like Memorial Day and the 4th of July are up next. Holidays with true meaning and holidays that won't have you max out the ole credit card. So keep your head above water if you can. Only a few more months of Commercial spend all your ducats holidays left!


  • At 4:34 PM, Blogger JOLLYJUGGS said…

    You have no idea who I am....I'm friends with Bill. Your blogs crack me up...keep writing. Please and Thank you. :)


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