Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

22 January 2006

Baseball - Uniform Problems

With baseball season right around the corner (and lets face it, baseball is easily the greatest game played on the planet), I wanted to take some time out and discuss one thing wrong with baseball. No, it’s not steroids, or the amount of luchie they pull in a year, but its how a lot of players are wearing their uniforms these days.

For the most part, I am a baseball purist. I despise the Designated Hitter and I hate Astroturf. Although I do like the Wildcard in baseball. That being said, I like baseball players to look like professional ball players each and every time they step out onto the field. Gone today is the actual uniform look of the players. Instead you have a handful of players that seemingly wear the uniform correctly and several who wear the uniform however they want. Remember the vintage baseball footage you have seen? The uniforms have a nice look. They are snug, but not tight. The pants are tucked into socks or stirrup socks. The Jersey is not loose or baggy. Hell, you don’t have players looking like Mister T in the outfield with 600 pounds of bling bling dangling around their necks. In the 1980’s, a few players started dropping their pants all the way down to their shoe tops. That was like opening the floodgates. By the early 2000’s, the baseball uniform has gone from the fresh, crisp professional look to the “ahhh who cares how it looks” deal. The uniforms are baggy. The pants are worn right above the shoe laces. The uniforms look like some players have slept in them. Gold chains are now more prominent than eye black. Lets take a close look at some baseball uniforms…some good, some bad.

Jeremy Burnitz

While Jeremy might be more known for his imitation of one of these…

He is actually a throw back to the good ole days of baseball in how he wears the uniform. He looks like a ball player. He might create winds strong enough that New Orleans Mayor Nagin would actually call for an evacuation of his city with every swing, he gets a pass just for looking like a good ole ballplayer.

Manny Ramirez

Wow. Where to start here. I know ManRam can swing it. I know you can pencil him in for 35-45 homers a year and 140 RBI’s, but he is an abomination wearing a baseball uniform. And that’s for reasons other than the fact it’s a RedSux uniform. Dude’s pants are worn below his cleats. Granted that scumbag Barry Bonds and Mets DL Machine Cliff Floyd are other big name players who wear their pants like this, I’m focusing n Manny because he looks like a complete reject in his entire uni. It’s a miracle he doesn’t trip over himself when he tries to run (well that’s IF he tried to run).

His Jersey is so oversized and baggy that he could share it with Mo Vaughn and Cecil Fielder and still have a bit of room left over. His batting helmet is nasty. I know it apparently is the thing to do these days…let your helmet get so corroded and disgusting that it looks like its been an overflowing spit bucket for a Tobacco chewing Lenny Dykstra, but ManRam’s is taking it much to far.

Hey ManRam. You are making close to 20 Mil a year. For that price, is it too much to ask that you look like a professional ball player for the 162 games you have to play (and only 162 cause sorry Chowd Fan, there will be no playoff’s in 2006).

Because I could go on and on, let me drop one more example. There is nothing I hate more and I mean nothing, than baseball players wearing their hats tilted to the side. The most notable (although not only) offender is that that A-Hole C.C. Sabathia. And while you might think C.C. stands for Captain Cheeseburger because dude runs close to 3 bills, I can assure you it doesn’t (even if it should). I mean take a look at this…

Hey yo playa. Straighten out your dome piece and wear it correctly. You are making millions of dollars a year to play baseball, not to stand on a corner in the hood and sling crack. Straighten your lid out, mix in a trip or two to the gym, and start looking like a ball player. Not a Derringer toting wannabe thug gangsta homie trying to make his way on a baseball field. I mean seriously, you got ganked for your jewels and cash in Downtown Cleveland. Yeah, you got jacked in Cleveland, the mean streets of Cleveland. Maybe you need to add a couple of degrees to the tilt of your cover to look just a little more rough. You might be able to throw a baseball 97mph, but your grease dripping fastball doesn’t make you look like a goddamned ball player. Fix your fucking hat. My blood boils every time I see this jack-off and his crooked lid. I can live with a backwards hat in the dugout, but not a sideways hat on the field of play. I think MLB needs to step in and start addressing these situations!

In the 2002-2006 CBA, uniform regulations appear for the first time. There are 7 or so regulations that mostly deal with how the pants should be worn (allowing the on the shoestring look) and discouraging the baggy ManRan-FatAss look. Since there is nothing about lids in there, perhaps Bud Selig should stop thinking of ways to ruin the All-Star Game and do something about players who cannot wear there hats, pants, and jerseys correctly. With the 2006 season a couple months away, I will trade the uniform issues for the crack of the bat, the smell of the grass, the anticipation of a pay-off pitch, but there is nothing wrong with ball players looking like, well ball players.

This is how it should be done


  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger Bill said…

    GREAT post, big dog.

  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger Bill said…

    The only thing I disagree with is the "baseball is the best sport" line. But I'll ignore it for now.

  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger Mark said…

    You might as well call out David "Homeless" Wells too. He makes a baseball uniform look like a hospital gown.

  • At 3:23 PM, Blogger Jennine Stalder said…

    Couldn't agree more. Details matter, especially with something as exacting as baseball. Every single article of clothing has history and significance weaved into them, so it's really a question of which and what way to honor those best; which adds not only in the continued appreciation but the proper staging and execution of the thing.

    Jennine @ UE Sports


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