Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

21 February 2006

How Much is Enough?

I'm a guy. For the most part, that means I have a predisposition to gadgets and gimmicks. I make no bones about the fact I literally need the latest electronic gadgets and if I cannot afford them, I constantly scan EBAY looking for the holy grail of deals! I am also the douche bag that companies target when they offer a new product. I despise infomercials, but if something catches my eye, I might end up watching it. Now don't get me wrong. Not all of the crap they sell through infomercials is actually crap. I got a sweet knife set from Ron Popiel including a knife block and the 25 piece set works phenomenally. Even the ole lady who was not nearly as excited as I was about the purchase will tell you that the set kicks ass!
All this is leading up to razors. I'm big on keeping my grill tight, yet I don't like shaving with something reminiscent of a chainsaw. Because of this, damn near every time a new razor hits the market, I'm standing in line to pay some ridiculous price to get it. I have to figure Gillette had me when I was 18 years old. Right around my birthday, a sweet top of the line 2 blade Gillette razor arrives in my mail box with a coupon for extra cartridges! Now this is what I'm talking about. A couple years later they had put out a more advanced 2 blader and I was all over it like white on rice. Matter of fact, I tried several of the new razors that have come out since 1994 or so. Gillette razors make me cream the most so I am loyal to them, but I do try other products.

When Gillette dropped the Mach 3, I think I was stiff for a couple weeks at least. The only thing that deflated me was the damn price! Of course that didn't stop me. The razor, the blade, it was all good. It wasn't that long after that they dropped the Mach 3 Turbo with a new sleek handle design. I wanted it. I had to have it, but somehow passed on it. I did however give the Schick Quatro a try. 4 blades! Jesus. Still I used it though, and I wasn't overly impressed with it. The Mach 3 had my heart and was a bit cheaper. My loyalty was intact.

Just as I was getting into a groove with the cost of my Mach 3, Gillette drops the M3 Power. Rock fucking on! A razor that vibrates to help the hairs on my grill stand up more while I shave! Damn, I'm all over that like Mama Cass on a ham sandwich. Besides, I bet dragging that vibrating razor over the boys would give me a cheap thrill too! I dealt with the cost and that fact a 4 pack of blades was somewhere around 10 bucks a pop. Best razor I have used to date. I'm in the zone. I've been rocking the M3 Power for well over a year then…..

The Gillette Fusion drops! 5 blades, a special blade on the back to precise trimming, a vibrating option should you want to spend the extra dollar for it and as I said…5 blades. Christ almighty. Enough is enough. What happens if the dog comes and jumps on my while I an shaving under my chin? I'll tell you what will happen…I'll have 5 blades going into my jugular and your boy will be left in a heap on my bathroom floor. What happens if I am dragging these heavy hitters over the boys and I slip? I'll tell you what, my sperm production will be decreased by half! This time the gimmick has gone too far. 5 blades. Power vibrations. Precise trimming blade. Extra this. Special that. $11.99 for a 4 pack of cartridges. I am drawing the line. No Fusion for me. Not this guy. I'm turning over a new leaf. Its all about being practical. Gillette has gone way too far this time. Scumbags.
***Oh, and my review of the Fusion. The precise trimmer is awkward, but with practice I'm sure it will get easier to use. The power is nice and has a battery power level indicator which is nice. The razor and cartridge are a bit bulky and somewhat difficult to use. With practice and time to get used to it, that should go away. The shave is very smooth and very close, even if you have to hit some areas a couple times because of its bulkiness you are off of your shaving game. I would recommend this, if you have the patience and time to give yourself a chance to adjust to the newness of the razor. - Christ, anyone have Johnny Damons phone number? I need to enter his clinic for shaving gimmick junkies. If it's located in the heart of Chowd Nation though, I'll just go ahead and take on another job to feed my addiction***